[wi_fighter]

I've had tears running down my face nonstop all day today. I have to pull myself together in the next 24 hours, and I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

I have to outline myself as a parent to the GAL tomorrow and I have no clue what to say. My ex has stomped on every thing about me the last few days. He's ridiculed my health knowledge, my abilities as a mother, my abilities as a human, everything.

My daughter isn't feeling so great right now. She felt warm and asked me to take her temp. i was praying it was normal so I didn't have to call the ex, because he wants to be informed of ALL medical news regarding the kids since he doesn't think I'm capable of handling anything as small as a headahce or sniffles or an upset tummy, and he insists to be kept in the "medical loop" at all times. I get ill and panicky at the thought of needing to contact him.

I can't take this constant doubting of myself because of his misperceptions. I divorced him to get away from that, not to increase it.

[Fuzzybear]

This person sounds like a real piece of work. I am so sorry you are having to deal with his b/s and abuse.
You have it spot on... they are HIS MISPERCEPTIONS.... his STUFF, not the real you at all!

Please take care,
Fuzzy

[dottie]

Hi.

What your EX is doing is seeking to control and attack you through your daughter. So glad you had the gumtion to dump him!! You go girl. You will do what has to be done. Try to dismiss his attacks for what they are and be determined to live out a good life without the you-know-who!!

You CAN do this!

~as usual
Dottie

[Shaymus]

I have trouble with this too. Dealing with people who have their own agendas or are just mean in general and not taking their hurtful words to heart or starting to doubt yourself. Just lending my support so you know we all think your priorities are correct and his misperceptions are just that, dead wrong.

he is very controlling and extremely manipulative. he's trying to set you up to fail tomorrow. don't give him that power. take it back. this too, will pass. i know that's hard to believe, but let him hang himself tomorrow. those people will see him for what he is, a fraud.

[Parker10]

I hope A. didnt have a fever so that u didnt have to contact him ! Remember please, you are out of meds, and that is making you feel bad. As P. just said, he is doing this at a time that he KNOWS it will affect you. Don't let him do this to you - dont give him that power. YOU know that you are a good Mother. WE know that you are a good Mother. Probably - HE knows it - and because of that insecurity -he has to belittle you in any way that he can. I think there are a bunch of us here, who would LOVE to go with you tomorrow - and cheer you on! But, that being impossible, just remember we are all here thinking about you and KNOWING you will get thru it - FOR YOUR CHILDREN !!!!!!!!!!!

As for notifing him if she does have a fever - forget it! You have 50/50 custody - you do NOT have to "keep him in the loop" if she has a slight temp. What HE wants does not have to be catered too ! Take away some power from him, dont allow him to make you think so bad of yourself - he has done so much wrong, and it will all come out soon I am sure. YOU CAN DO THIS S. !!!!!!!!!!

[wi_fighter]

I have to get an outline ready for tomorrow.

20 minutes of what I do with my kids, the positives, who are my kids, likes and dislikes, grades, ages.

20 minutes of why I think the kids should be with me more (includes Tony bashing time) and what weaknesses of mine he will exploit.

20 minutes of what I would/do do better than Tony does/will do.

Thank you so much, everyone, for the boost, but all I can see right now is all the negatives - that I can't communicate with their father, that my daughter is undersized, that I'm struggling financially and emotionally, etc. My lawyer said I should take along pictures of me doing things with the kids. I don't have one picture of me and the kids. He said to mention things like we play board games. We do, but not very often. They're getting to the age where they'd rather hang out with friends than play Clue with mom.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((wi)))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so very sorry. this is so difficult.

i agree with whoever said that i wouldn't be contacting him for a slight fever. in fact, i wouldn't contact him unless one of the kids had to go to dr for illness...that's what i consider the "medical loop".

i'm sending you wishes full of peace and strength.

kd

1. you went to Green Bay, to the "thing".. can't remember what it was called.
2. you bought a tent and let them have a "sleepout" with their friends.
3. you took them to some old town, didn't you?
4. you do play board games and you put puzzles together, with Alex.
5. have you painted their rooms or made any improvements for their comfort?
6. when i think of more things, i'll let you know. xoxo pat

[Parker10]

dont forget their favorite foods, and if you all ever cook them together, eating meals together, etc etc. The things with your kids dont have to be trips, or time you are away from home, but simple, everyday things that will make MEMORIES for them......saying their prayers at night with them, singing silly songs , tickling, laughing...things like that mean as much to kids as going off to Disney World for 3 days. (Altho they would like that , its all the other little things that add up, and will make them into good adults). And u certainly know their ages, and what grade they are in, best subjects, worst, friends names, etc.

As for WHY they would be better off with you - WE ALL KNOW WHY - but you have to let the GAL know it is because of the ONE on ONE time, no distractions at your house, they are your ONLY concern, that your daughter wants to be there, that it concerns you that the EX doesnt believe your daughter about certain issue, that you are home everynight and dont pawn the kids off to go bowling, etc etc etc.

As for what you will do as well or better than EX - you will raise them to be tolerant, not "force" them to be something they arent, accept their "flaws" and love them 100% not fearing it will make YOU look bad, you will be consistent with their lifestyle, be home when they get there since you work out of your home, etc etc etc.

You just cannot see thru the fear of whats at stake - you have so many wonderful qualities ! Also, remember that it is not only YOUR meeting with the GAL that is determining this issue, but the meeting with the kids, and the EX. (We all know he will tell a BUNCH of lies, to build himself up to the level he THINKS he is, and that will bite him in the butt IMHO - cause they will see thru his manipulative manner).

Keep ur chin up S. You will do FINE !

[h0kie]

When the doctors were concerned about your daughter's lack of growth you agressively followed it up. Getting the tests and doing the visits needed until you found the root of the problem.

how many PMs did you and i have about Alex's diet?????

you do so much with your children and he forces them to go to weddings(of people they don't know..so he can look like the "loving father") and leaves them, while he bowls. you don't do things like that. you're very tolerant and good. and kids pick up on their parents traits. tony doesn't have any good traits... if i could, i'd be there tomorrow.

[Hope4me2]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{wi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[jmo531]

Shirley,

I am so sorry your having to deal with all this right now. No wonder your a big ball of nerves.

Remember, from what I gather from your ex, he is a control freak and thrives on making you feel like he has the upper hand in all situations. Remember though, he doesnt. You are a strong, independant mother, women, person who who both working and a full time mother. To me, there is nothing more on this earth that is more important that mothering and in my opinion, you are doing a wonderful job at it, even with the butt lick intruding.

Try to relax, close your eyes, think about all the things you do as a mother for your kids. Trips, outings, even for relaxing walks or car rides. These things count. beleive me, kids remember things that we consider small or not so important. When it comes to your ex, do npt hold anything back. Expose him for the self centered, self richeous (sp) SOB that he is. Take control back. You let him know that you are the WOMEN, the MOTHER and you can survive, and you will.

I wish you all the luck and hugs and love you need to get through this. hang in there hun. It will work out.

Hugs,

Jen

[wi_fighter]

Last night my daughter and I worked on the likes and dislikes list. It was more of a game than anything. I feel a little guilty about involving her since it could possibly be construed as "coaching" her for her upcoming interview, even though that wasn't my intent at all. It was just confirming the things I already knew, but needed to put in writing to tell myself I wasn't way off base.

When I went to bed, all kinds of things started running through my head for the "what I do better" and "why I want more time" but I didn't write them down (since I was trying to fall asleep) and of course now I can't remember a lot of it.


I keep picturing "him" when he goes in for his interview - with his perma-grin even when he's saying nasty things, and his flat affect even when he's discussing his kids and should be able to display at least SOME emotion. Instead, he keeps a sickening composure. I hope one of these days his calculated calmness bites him in his ever-widening ***.

[wi_fighter]

I want to post the two, long e-mails I got from the ex that helped put me in this latest state of "I'm worthless and useless and a danger to my daughter."

Yes, I suppose they should stay confidential, but they aren't going to.

From the ex on 9/1/05 at 5:22 p.m.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It seems likely that the Dr. would make some dietary recommendations for the period preceding the appt. with the nutritionist. Since most parents would have asked a few questions, I can only assume that you are, once again, withholding important medical and treatment information from me. You are not acting in a cooperative manner. As the children's father I need to advised of these things. I do not appreciate your smug/terse responses to my concerns and questions and I will not tolerate further secrecy in matters concerning the children. Further, you should be aware that not only do you not have control of the children's medical care, in the event of any disagreement between you and I my decision(s) shall prevail - per the original divorce order. (see section 2 - Access and Decisions) I have been infinitely tolerant of your need for total control - and your verbal attacks, but no more. If you do not display complete and open cooperation and communication, I will exercise my decision making authority and you will be out of the medical decision making loop - period.

I have phoned the endocrine clinic and asked them for temporary dietary recommendations for Alexa. I will forward them to you as soon as I receive them.

I would also like to know whether or not you, or others, are administering any prescription medicine to either of the children. If so, I will need to know what those prescription meds are and the name of the prescribing physician.

Thanks for your consideration and cooperation!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I told him he was being paranoid and insecure (with the help of a friend who drafted my reply because I was too shook up to think straight). Oh, and we have 50/50 custody, he CAN'T take away any medical decision making because he doesn't HAVE total control like he says he does. He's already been told that by lawyers and the mediator. ("Someone" sure has selective memory).

His reply back on 9/2/05 at 1:43 p.m.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I am neither paranoid nor insecure, I am looking out for Ally's best interests. Historically your handling of Alexa's medical care has been shrouded in secrecy and deceit and has potentially contributed to her present condition. I intend to see that Alexa receives the care she actually needs, not what you believe she needs or what you believe will provide you with relief. Once I believed, as you do, that since you work in the medical field you are uniquely qualified to deal with the medical matters affecting the children. I was wrong, you are a typist with knowledge of medical terminology and possess little more medical knowledge than any other "lay person".

Your assertion that you wish to work as a team is difficult to believe, given your past actions and the motion presently before the court, and the language in your reply is obviously manicured for review by those in the legal profession. It is you that uses threats and intimidation rather than cooperation in matters concerning the children. I will no longer throw my hands up and acquiesce to your calculated and manipulative measures, or your threats. These are not threats that I'm making. I am advising you that I expect to be fully informed in matters affecting the children and that anything other than complete disclosure and cooperation is unacceptable. Historically, this has not been the case and my only indication of the children receiving treatment has been the billing statements. Your reply illustrates this perfectly... "When Dr. Sisto said to increase her protein and calories, I felt that was self explanatory." ... Dr. Sisto did not tell me that. She may have told you that when I was out of the exam room or in your phone conversation with her, but you never passed that on to me.

You can continue to expect full disclosure from me in all matters relating to the children and your opinion in these matters will be graciously considered.

Dates and other matters:

I have received a packet of documents from Marilyn Brennen's office to be completed prior to Alexa's 09/29/05 3:00pm appt. It includes a brief health history form, contact info form, financial agreement and fee schedule, and a patients rights/informed consent form. Let me know if you would like to review these. The health history requests info on current health conditions and medications. What should I note for Alexa's low prealbumin condition? Just that, low prealbumin? Malnutrition? I will also need the names, frequency, and dosage of any medications Alexa is taking. When I mentioned to Alexa that Dr. Hitch suggested that a counselor might be able to help her work out the anxiety she is feeling and reduce her difficulty in school, she was not very excited. I think her experience at school is that the "bad kids" go to see a counselor. Please talk with her about this, as will I. I have heard only very good things about Marilyn Brennen's work with children and hope we can ease Alexa's worries about meeting with her. Because I'd rather not take her out of school, I have asked that Ally be placed on the cancellation list and that she be rescheduled for an after 4:00 pm appt should one become available.

Marilyn Brennen's Contact Info:
American Foundation of Counseling Services
130 East Walnut Street (7th floor)
Green Bay, WI 54301
920-437-8256

Bowling season began this week. Bowling night is Thursday. In most cases an adult will be here at all times on bowling night. The most likely exception would be the early shift nights when the kids may be alone for up to an hour between 8:00 and 9:00. If for some reason the children would be unattended for a longer period I will advise you. Since the children will rarely be here alone on bowling nights, I'm requesting that you not exercise the right of first refusal. In those cases when the kids would be alone for a few hours it might make sense for them to stay by you, especially on the late shift nights. Here's the schedule:

(this was some stupid table that he seems to be addicted to using in most of his messages. Has to flaunt his computer knowledge and all. :rolling_eyes: )

Note that there are 2 nights for which the schedule is determined by the standings (TBD). I will know the schedule for those nights 1 week in advance.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is the first message I sent him:
Dr. Sisto just called and said Alex's hormones, chromosomes, and celiac test all came back normal.

The problem is that her pre-albumin is low at 14.9. Low end of normal is 22-23. Growth hormone won't make a difference at this point. She needs to up her protein and calorie intake first. Once that happens, she should have a growth spurt.

She wants to send Alex to a nutritionist to set up an eating plan. I left a message with Dr. Sipple's office asking if he has any names in the area.

(Did I or did I not pass along info that he said I didn't? Or am I delusional and I'm the only one who sees that bolded text up there)?

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( wi ))))))))

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((Shirley))))))))))))))))

What a @&*#&!.

(((((((((((Shirley and Kids)))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

couldn't have said it better myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

((((((((((((((((((Shirley))))))))))))))))))))