[Artsywoman45]

I spent the day alone and very sad. At least i had my Cat who I love. I feel very stupid and this post may sound ridiculas. I reconnected with an ex bf who was abusive verbally to me and emotionally. As usually happens, he lied to me and let me down by standing me up today and then stealing some money from me etc. When I called him he acted as if he did not care. He never acknowledged anything and then I became so angry and was yelling. I could not control how angry he made me. He is so selfish. He invited me over and then I had canceled other plans then he decided to not inivte me and he said he had not gotten any money back. He also kept refusing my calls. I was so mad I then became depressed. This is so unhealthy for me and my Dr. keeps telling me to keep away. I had for four months, but then saw him again on the street. I also was away in another state for a year and half and he was in jail. If I see him he throws me into these PTSD episodes and depressions. What is wrong with me? I feel so alone and now my phone is out.

[Elana05]

Hi Artsywoman45,

Just a note to say hello. I am sorry to hear things are rough right now. You are not alone. We are here with you on PC...
Do you see a therapist? And can you contact them if so?
Cats are wonderful I agree and don't know where I'd be without mine.

Sending supportive thoughts your way.
Happy thanksgiving to you.

E

[Rohag]

Hello, Artsywoman45!

Something moved you to reconnect with this person. That same something might in the future move you to connect with the same type of person, which would be bad. I hope you and those who care for you can gain insight into that toxic something.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Melanie,

Welcome to pc. It is wise to stay away from this guy he's a loser. Don't feel stupid because we all do things that we learn from. Just take care of yourself and know that we are here to support you.

.

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, Artsywoman45!

Something moved you to reconnect with this person. That same something might in the future move you to connect with the same type of person, which would be bad. I hope you and those who care for you can gain insight into that toxic something.

You are so right. I wonder if I am crazy or him. I know he is a mess an is using drugs so I try to help him. I was talking to his own Mother yesterday, who is very sweet and she was so mad, just like me and telling me how he owed her money etc and how stressed he made her and I felt like it was terrible that he was taking advantage of his elderly Mother. I mean its embarassing, but he has lived there over ten years! I guess she feels she owes him something. Also his cousin threatened me over the phone and he does not even know me! What a nutcase. Your dog is very cute.

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Hello Melanie,

Welcome to pc. It is wise to stay away from this guy he's a loser. Don't feel stupid because we all do things that we learn from. Just take care of yourself and know that we are here to support you.

.

Thanks for the support. I do not have anyone and it is hard, except my baby Cat and she is so much support I mean, but you know, what I mean. It just hurts and sociopaths boggle my mind. I cannot imagine doing something like that to a friend, much less a girlfriend, etc. Zelda my Cat is glad he is not here.

[broken_hearted]

I can relate to the feelings of stupidity but you are not stupid. Our hearts and even our minds can cause us to make bad decisions because we are wrapped up in our emotions/feelings. I hope you never contact this man again and if he contacts you I hope you will be strong enough to say "no" and tell him to not bother you again.

Seven years ago I met a man. We talked and I felt sad for him and the way his childhood was and the losses he had gone through and I thought I could help him. That was mistake number 1 because we can't help anyone if they don't want the help. Mistake number 2 was staying with him when he started abusing me physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. I still thought I could help him. I thought God would change him. My friends and family told me to get away from him so I would break up with him only to get back together after many times of him saying and pretending he changed. Two years ago we married. Again everyone told me not to do it. At the alter my to be husband looked like he wished he wasn't there. Suddenly I heard a voice, a loud voice in my ear saying "DON'T DO IT". I heard it 3 times. With all my heart and soul I truly without a doubt believe it was God speaking to me. Yet I married him anyway in fear of making my family mad and hurting them ( they seem me go through h*** because of this man for years breaking up and getting back together etc...). I know now it was a huge mistake because the marriage has been so bad and abusive. This is where the feeling of stupidity comes in. I tell myself all the time how stupid I was to marry him especially when God himself told me not to. I didn't want to hurt anyone or make them mad and I thought he would change. He didn't change, it only got worse. I learned the hard way. Please get away from this man you speak of before it's too late like it is for me. Please listen to people. They speak the truth and are wise when they tell you to get away from him. Love is not worth it if abuse comes with it. I have learned the hard way but I sure have learned. I just don't know what to do now in my situation.

Be safe and remember you are not stupid but I do understand the feelings you are having.

Take care.....broken_hearted

Originally Posted by Artsywoman45

I spent the day alone and very sad. At least i had my Cat who I love. I feel very stupid and this post may sound ridiculas. I reconnected with an ex bf who was abusive verbally to me and emotionally. As usually happens, he lied to me and let me down by standing me up today and then stealing some money from me etc. When I called him he acted as if he did not care. He never acknowledged anything and then I became so angry and was yelling. I could not control how angry he made me. He is so selfish. He invited me over and then I had canceled other plans then he decided to not inivte me and he said he had not gotten any money back. He also kept refusing my calls. I was so mad I then became depressed. This is so unhealthy for me and my Dr. keeps telling me to keep away. I had for four months, but then saw him again on the street. I also was away in another state for a year and half and he was in jail. If I see him he throws me into these PTSD episodes and depressions. What is wrong with me? I feel so alone and now my phone is out.

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by broken_hearted

I can relate to the feelings of stupidity but you are not stupid. Our hearts and even our minds can cause us to make bad decisions because we are wrapped up in our emotions/feelings. I hope you never contact this man again and if he contacts you I hope you will be strong enough to say "no" and tell him to not bother you again.

Seven years ago I met a man. We talked and I felt sad for him and the way his childhood was and the losses he had gone through and I thought I could help him. That was mistake number 1 because we can't help anyone if they don't want the help. Mistake number 2 was staying with him when he started abusing me physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. I still thought I could help him. I thought God would change him. My friends and family told me to get away from him so I would break up with him only to get back together after many times of him saying and pretending he changed. Two years ago we married. Again everyone told me not to do it. At the alter my to be husband looked like he wished he wasn't there. Suddenly I heard a voice, a loud voice in my ear saying "DON'T DO IT". I heard it 3 times. With all my heart and soul I truly without a doubt believe it was God speaking to me. Yet I married him anyway in fear of making my family mad and hurting them ( they seem me go through h*** because of this man for years breaking up and getting back together etc...). I know now it was a huge mistake because the marriage has been so bad and abusive. This is where the feeling of stupidity comes in. I tell myself all the time how stupid I was to marry him especially when God himself told me not to. I didn't want to hurt anyone or make them mad and I thought he would change. He didn't change, it only got worse. I learned the hard way. Please get away from this man you speak of before it's too late like it is for me. Please listen to people. They speak the truth and are wise when they tell you to get away from him. Love is not worth it if abuse comes with it. I have learned the hard way but I sure have learned. I just don't know what to do now in my situation.

Be safe and remember you are not stupid but I do understand the feelings you are having.

Take care.....broken_hearted

Hello, Thank you so much for your story and I am sorry you are going thru this. I feel your pain. Many people do not understand these cycles and are judgemental. Today I awoke and feel a lot better, but did not sleep well. My outlook is much better and I even myhealth is better. I am trying to take care of myself and focus on other things for myself. My biggest problem is anger. I am soooo angry at this ahole and his selfishness. I have actually been verbally abusive to him and feel bad. I am glad that I know what it is. I have never treated other men like this. It is interesting how angry you can get. I know what you mean about God giving you signs. When I was in the Coffee shop helping this guy at a volunteer job on my laptop and he walked by with this girl I heard God saying to me, let it go, but I had this urge to go talk to him again! I believe it was a sign still and luckily I did not give him the keys to my apt this time. Prior to that he had talked me into this two times. I know part of this treatment this time is due to the fact that I refused to give him a set of keys without him getting treatment and without him treating me well. He was using passive aggressive and silent treatment emoitonal abuse tactics. He is very sneaky. So for that I am proud. I hope you know I undersand and if you want to write feel free to do so. Thanks.

[Yoda]

You are never alone if you are with your pet. I like my horse better than I like people anyway.

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by Yoda

You are never alone if you are with your pet. I like my horse better than I like people anyway.

Wow, I love your Horse. I wish I could visit her or him. I took care of a horse in FL for a week. I love animals more than people also. They listen and care and never hurt you. My Cat is so cute. She lies in a basket of towels in the bathroom when I take a bath. She is such a loving Cat. She has been thru it all with me. I have been up and down all day. I am getting a migraine now. I am so mad because I gave him money and now I cannot use my phone. Oh well. I took a long walk and enjoyed the leaves.

[broken_hearted]

Hi Melanie... I am proud of you also. Not giving him your key is a good thing and I know how hard it must have been . I know about anger and like you I find myself being absive as well. I am working very hard not to speak like that to him.. Our counselor said two wrongs don't make a right so as hard as it is I will keep trying and when I fall I will dust myself off and try it again. 'd love to hear from you again. I am new at this site and am having a hard time figuring it out. Take care hon......brokenhearted

Originally Posted by Artsywoman45

Hello, Thank you so much for your story and I am sorry you are going thru this. I feel your pain. Many people do not understand these cycles and are judgemental. Today I awoke and feel a lot better, but did not sleep well. My outlook is much better and I even myhealth is better. I am trying to take care of myself and focus on other things for myself. My biggest problem is anger. I am soooo angry at this ahole and his selfishness. I have actually been verbally abusive to him and feel bad. I am glad that I know what it is. I have never treated other men like this. It is interesting how angry you can get. I know what you mean about God giving you signs. When I was in the Coffee shop helping this guy at a volunteer job on my laptop and he walked by with this girl I heard God saying to me, let it go, but I had this urge to go talk to him again! I believe it was a sign still and luckily I did not give him the keys to my apt this time. Prior to that he had talked me into this two times. I know part of this treatment this time is due to the fact that I refused to give him a set of keys without him getting treatment and without him treating me well. He was using passive aggressive and silent treatment emoitonal abuse tactics. He is very sneaky. So for that I am proud. I hope you know I undersand and if you want to write feel free to do so. Thanks.

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by broken_hearted

Hi Melanie... I am proud of you also. Not giving him your key is a good thing and I know how hard it must have been . I know about anger and like you I find myself being absive as well. I am working very hard not to speak like that to him.. Our counselor said two wrongs don't make a right so as hard as it is I will keep trying and when I fall I will dust myself off and try it again. 'd love to hear from you again. I am new at this site and am having a hard time figuring it out. Take care hon......brokenhearted

Thanks for writing again. It feels so good to not feel alone. I am glad you have a good counselor. This site is great and you will get used to it. It takes time unless you are a gen x! I am 47! Today I felt better, but still felt alone. It also dawned on me how codependent I am being. I was looking at drug addiction symptons of meth and he has them. It is so bad. He makes me sad, but I can't help him I know this. I do not understand how he could do that drug, but it makes sense how he is acting and looks. It still does not excuse how horrid he is treating me and his mother etc. It sounds bad, but I enjoyed yelling at him! We have to yell sometime!

[broken_hearted]

Hi Melanie.... Took me forever to figure out how to find you. I'm still not sure how I did it. I accidently deleted the notice that came to my email address. But I am glad I did find you.

Have you ever heard of the book "CoDependant No More"? I forget who the writer is...... "Bradshaw" comes to mind but not for sure. My T from a long time ago had me read it. If you do let me know what you think. I should read it again actually.

I learned the hard way hon, you can't change a man. We can't make them understand, we can't make them see what they are doing to themselves or to those around us. Only he can help himself and until he hits rock bottom he won't. When he wants and opens his heart to God and others around him who love him only then will he get the help he needs.

I struggle with Anger terribly. Our couples counselor has me seeing someone else at the same time to help me work through the pain, anger and sadness that my Husband has caused. I don't think I can ever trust him. He has and continues to break trust.

I turned 53 in Oct. I can't believe it because I feel 30. Used to feel 25 but I'm feeling older now. ha ha The stress I am under is literally aging me.

I have to go but know you are not alone. You have a new friend.

Take care and write me any time. ........... broken_hearted

Originally Posted by Artsywoman45

Thanks for writing again. It feels so good to not feel alone. I am glad you have a good counselor. This site is great and you will get used to it. It takes time unless you are a gen x! I am 47! Today I felt better, but still felt alone. It also dawned on me how codependent I am being. I was looking at drug addiction symptons of meth and he has them. It is so bad. He makes me sad, but I can't help him I know this. I do not understand how he could do that drug, but it makes sense how he is acting and looks. It still does not excuse how horrid he is treating me and his mother etc. It sounds bad, but I enjoyed yelling at him! We have to yell sometime!

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by broken_hearted

Hi Melanie.... Took me forever to figure out how to find you. I'm still not sure how I did it. I accidently deleted the notice that came to my email address. But I am glad I did find you.

Have you ever heard of the book "CoDependant No More"? I forget who the writer is...... "Bradshaw" comes to mind but not for sure. My T from a long time ago had me read it. If you do let me know what you think. I should read it again actually.

I learned the hard way hon, you can't change a man. We can't make them understand, we can't make them see what they are doing to themselves or to those around us. Only he can help himself and until he hits rock bottom he won't. When he wants and opens his heart to God and others around him who love him only then will he get the help he needs.

I struggle with Anger terribly. Our couples counselor has me seeing someone else at the same time to help me work through the pain, anger and sadness that my Husband has caused. I don't think I can ever trust him. He has and continues to break trust.

I turned 53 in Oct. I can't believe it because I feel 30. Used to feel 25 but I'm feeling older now. ha ha The stress I am under is literally aging me.

I have to go but know you are not alone. You have a new friend.

Take care and write me any time. ........... broken_hearted

Hi, Thanks for writing. I think I have read that b ook over 50 times over the years! I also have her meditations. It is really good. I feel a lot better, but have been sick with a Migraine for two days. How are you doing lately? What state do you live in? I am in land of high prices, D.C.!