[keith_moon67]

Hi, I'm new to here, though I've been reading the Psychological Self Help booklet for a while now. I was diagnosed as having depression a while back but I've probably had it in a major way for about 3-4 years now, I'm 20 and I'm a student by the way.

I had a course of cognitive behavioural therapy and felt much better, pretty much thought that was me straight. But I realised something wasn't right and after reading the book I realsie I have longer standing psychological stuff that will take more efort to shift. My psychiatrist has referred me to a psychologist but there is a 6 month waiting list, so I'm fending on my own now.

My cbt therapist made a big thing about the lack of communication I have with others, especially my family. She said stuff like, 'your family don't speak, everyone keeps things to themselves'. I didn't really take it in but recently I've thought about it and I realise it's true. I'm not really close to anyone, my friends don't know about my depression and I don't discus it with ny family, although they do know.

I don't know if any of you have read it but I bought the 'Reinventing Your Life' book, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...s&n=507846 about 'lifetraps' people fall into. I think I definitely have the one about 'emotional deprivation', when you are not sued to being close to people and so find it hard for the rest of your life. It states that you feel lonely consatantly, like you always need the love of someone (usually a partner for me) but whan you get it, its never enough.
I can't begin to describe how lonely I am.

I think I am dependent in a sense, not really on other people to do things for me, but on their love.

I know I can build my self esteem and other ways to lessen the dependence, and this will help.

But I worry that I will never be 'right' How do you stop craving love? What can you so for youreslf taht will lessen that significantly.

I go out and chat up girls, and then when I have them , I kiss them so passionately, like they are the love of my life, but we've only just met, and I don't even really like some of them. I feel desperate to be loved, but its never enough, and I get no more emotional feeling from kissing a girls then I do if I was patting her on the back. Like I say, I feel emotionally dead.

What is there I can do to get that feeling back (if I ever really had it)?

I know you guys don't have the answers, but have any of you experienced a similar problam, or know which self help methods might work.

Thanks and all the best.

Stephen

you are in the right place to get answers, here is my opinion keith, you are putting to much pressure on yourself to be in a relationship and be loved, and others can see that, just try and relax when out "chatting up girls" and be yourself.

dont throw yourself into a relationship, it doesnt sound like you are ready for that, and the way you are acting emotionally it is not going to be good for you, or them. you are still young and there is a world of opportunity out there waiting for you, take your time.

hope i have been of some help to you, dont let the waiting for the psychologist get you down, for now take the advice of the psychiatrist and the CBT and work with what you have got.

[dottie]

Hi Stephen.

I am so sorry that you feel so lonely. It is such a desolate place to be. I have been depressed my whole life. I am thankful tho for my medication and this forum is a great place to come to and exchange feelings about things. I wish I could say something to make things better. But I'll start with ....Welcome to Psych Central.

~Dottie

[JustBen]

Welcome to the forums, Stephen. (I take it you're a Who fan?) You mentioned that your friends don't know about your depression; what do you think about discussing it with them? Is that something you'd be able to try?

-Ben

[mj14]

Keith,

I have been diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder , and while it is not quite what you describe, there are some similarities. I know all too well that feeling of craving love, but no matter how much you get, it's never enough. Like there's this bottomless pit inside me that I can't fill up, no matter how much I try.

I think for me, one of the keys has been to realize that no one outside of me can ever compensate for the emptiness I feel inside. And that I have to work on learning how to fill my own emotional needs. Sometimes that means consciously dealing with something on my own when my instincts are to find someone else to deal with it for me. And it also involves a lot of self-talk, reassuring myself that I don't need other people's love to prove my existance.

One thing that came to mind when you described feeling emotionally dead was that you talked about chatting girls up and kissing them. I wonder if perhaps what you are craving is an emotional link to someone else, but you are only making a physical link? You might find that if you sought out people to be friends with, and share things with, that might be more satisfying than physical intimacy with someone you hardly know. Do you have any interests or hobbies? Taking a class or joining a club is a way that you can meet people with common interests, who you might be more comfortable sharing real emotions with.

Those are just some thoughts, I don't know if they really fit your situation or not.

Good luck.

[keith_moon67]

Hi everyone, sorry I've taken such a long time to get back to your replies, some stuff has been going on recently and I haven't been using the net very much.

I just want to say I appreciate all of your kind words, it means a lot to me.

Your messages made me think a bit and I think you all raised some good points.

I'm starting to realise that a relationship probably wouldn't be a good thing for me or the partner right now, so I have to kinda forget about it for the time being. Unfortunately I still feel lonely and lacking though...

I'll consider talking to someone other than a specialist about my depression also, it probably would help, I'm just really not used to that type of communication.

And yes, I am a Who fan!

Thanks again and I wish you all the best...

Stephen

[NICO]

hey welcome that was a good post man.

Welcome to PC. i agree that a relationship probably wouldn't be a good idea right now. it might turn into a situation where you became so dependent upon another person that your progress would really be slowed. xoxox pat

[keith_moon67]

Hi everyone thanks for the replies.

On the subject of relationships something happened...I met a girl on Haloween night and stayed at her's, I slept in her bed but nothing happened. That night she had asked if I wanted to meet up with her again and I agreed, and we said we'd do something together sometime.

The next morning though we were talking about families for some reason, she said her brother had ADHD and I talked about my younger sister, who I suspect has a bit of OCD. I felt like I was making my sister out to be the most 'mentally troubled' or whatever in the family, so I said that there had been stuff with me as well. She asked what I meant and I said I had been depressed, I didn't go into great detail but told her I had seen a therapist and was on pills.

Anyway we went back to sleep for a while and before I left I asked if she still wanted to meet again, she said 'I don't think it would be a good idea'.

I was shocked and asked if it was because of what I said before, and she said 'Yes, I'm sorry but people are attracted to happy people'. She said that was 'too much information' after just meeting her and that she had had a friend who was a depressive and it was draining to be around, I don't know if that's true.

I mean, I know it was quite a serious thing to blurt out but at the time I really didn't think it would matter that much. I was trying to be mature about it, just admit I had had a problem but evidently it was very offputting.

She wouldn't say much, just that I shouldn't really have told her and that after a few dates it might have been ok to say. She was saying, I'm a bad person, but at least I was honest and didn't give you my number and just ignore your calls'. That's something I suppose.

I just feel bad for having said it. Everying just fell apart because I had been depressed, it was that big a deal to her. The irony is that I talk to NO-ONE, and then when I am open stuff like this happens. She isn't a good friend who I can just tell stuff like that to I know, but I didn't quite expect that reaction.

Looking back now I do see where she is coming from, if a girl had told me she had been suicidal or something I'm not sure how I would feel about a relationship to be honest.

I don't really know what to think. WOW, a learning experience I suppose. I won't do that again.

i'm sorry, KM.....we've all experienced that. damned if we do and damned if we don't....xoxo pat

[(JD)]

Hi (((keith))) welcome. Yeah. KNOWING the cognitive distortions and CONTINUING to correct them are two different things...and does take time and effort. Keep on keeping on....