 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Apr 29, 2011, 03:47 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Not sure where this fits but I just moved to a new city. I'm a struggling actor. As of right now, i have to lose weight and get a portfolio clicked.
But my issue is that I get bored and I get sad and lonely if i don't have anything planned and the few aquaintainces I had sort of avoided me today, as in, planned to go out but avoided me. I felt very insulted. They didn't say to my face but I knew each one was lying I even caught one lying... its okay if you go out without me, but don't avoid me or lie to my face. I found that highly disrespected. Anyway, I found out that i have trouble dealing with uncertainty. When i don't have any social interaction planned for the day, I get very sad. And when i say planned, i have to have a timing set so I can plan out my day. Am i overly a-nal?? How can i relax a bit and not feel like I "need" to be around people or I'll go nuts? What else can i do to keep myself busy and happy being alone? Please don't tell me to venture the city or anything that requires spending cash, as I'm spending my savings right now so I can't afford joining yoga or anything else.. It sucks that I have to still be friends with these people coz i need them.. especially now that I feel highly disrespected. ugh. |
|
#2
Apr 29, 2011, 03:50 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I don't have a job right now. Oh and please don't tell me to get one of those either. I'm not in US so i can't wait tables or get side jobs as those don't exist here and the ones that do are very low level and very disrespected in society...
|
|
#3
Apr 29, 2011, 05:39 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling sad and alone, I feel that way a lot ,too, and I have no friends. I hope someone comes up with some good advice for you.
|
|
#4
Apr 29, 2011, 05:57 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#5
Apr 30, 2011, 01:19 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Do you like playing games online? That is a good time-filler and low-cost. Exercise is good counter to depression. You could plan times for meditation, exercise, put some structure in you day, even if you don't go out with your friends. Have a routine, including some things you enjoy. I also like working jigsaw puzzles when I'm watching TV. Keeps me busy so I don't snack on things.
|
|
#6
Apr 30, 2011, 01:26 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Do you like to paint or draw or anything like that? When I'm lonely, I really enjoy doing those things and it seems like I lose track of time when I'm working on a "masterpiece" Are there any volunteer activities you could participate in? What about just sitting outside and people watching? I don't know....throwing out a few ideas that have helped me. Sorry your in such a bad place right now!
__________________
 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
|
 Distressed2010
|
|
#7
Apr 30, 2011, 04:11 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Thanks online user... I see what you're saying but online games would lead me to still be in my room at all times, which is what the issue is. I need to feel comfortable being alone in my room, regardless of what i'm doing.. and with online games, i'll feel like a bum and also i'll get addicted for like a week then drop it like cold sausage. : o) |
| online user
|
|
#8
Apr 30, 2011, 04:14 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
That's so sad! You have my greatest sympathy.
 Maybe online dating? Even if you don't click with anyone it might be a good way to learn some coffee shops and restaurants. |
|
#9
Apr 30, 2011, 09:52 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I'm just so exhausted emotionally. Honestly. I just wish I had some caring friends in the city. They're so hard to find. And I'm super dumb in playing mind games, I never get it. I always get caught up in the webs... i guess i'm easy prey. I SO wish I wasnt. |
|
#10
Apr 30, 2011, 10:50 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Trying to plan AND time things appears to be holding you back and possibly causing depression. Please reconsider your statement "i have to have a timing set so I can plan out my day." This is a problematic statement and I disagree with it. No, your day does not have to be strictly timed. Plans usually take longer than expected to execute and if you limit your time to accomplish them - especially if you're depressed - then that thinking could be set up for failure and depression. Let go of your time limitations. It does not matter how long it takes to accomplish things; rather, accomplishing things regardless of the time it takes is what really counts. Try it.
Maybe it's time you went out and explored your new town/city/nation on foot? Walking is free. Try taking walks in the neighborhood; visit the shops (you don't have to buy anything); say hello to people (especially your neighbors); get to know the shop owners; visit the local parks; get some healthy sunshine (a great source of Vitamin D and a nice tan!); practice smiling at others (useful on job interviews / auditions); practice the language or get to know the local English idioms. If you're religious, visit a local church - a great place to meet people. Can you volunteer to participate in play readings? All of the preceding is free. Since you're an actor, consider spending your limited resources on seeing plays - for you they are a great investment as well as a place to meet people with similar interests. Can you afford a cup of coffee? If so, try hanging at a local coffee shop. Make small talk with the barrister and local patrons. All you have to say is "I'm new here. Tell me about this place." (People generally really like to talk about things they know and their hometown is one of those things.) A cup of coffee (or tea) can be a great investment in achieving your goals. Forget about the time - talk away and meet as many people as you can. Only achieving your goals count for something - not the amount of time you planned to devote to them or how long it actually took to achieve them. |
| missbelle, online user
|
|
#11
Apr 30, 2011, 11:49 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Have you thought about volunteering? It would be a great way to meet new people and become involved in the community more.
Otherwise, how about taking this quiet time to do any things you like to do - are you a fan of any of the creative arts-writing, drawing etc etc? |
| Distressed2010
|
|
#12
Apr 30, 2011, 01:04 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Hi Unhappy guy, your advice is wonderful, it would work great in US and some other places but unfortunately, I can't chat with the barista... there's are divisions based on jobs here.. and if i chat with the barista, people would think I'm a prostitute.. because no one chit chats with them... Also, I've already tried the shops and the temples and other things that you mentioned above.. I don't know if its more like I need to deal with my situation because I lose track of longterm .. or what it is... Also planning chores is not an issue, Its usually making plans to meet with people, because If i don't have atleast one person I'm hanging out in the evening, I feel gloomy i dont know why.. When i have someone to meet in the evening, my day goes so well, I get work done in the day, etc... I'm just trying to figure out why that is and how to deal with it. Please do let me know if you have anything more you can tell me, youv'e got great advice, I wish I could use it
|
|
#13
Apr 30, 2011, 02:14 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Wow mind games? Seriously? That's terrible. Do you have someone to talk to about that? I don't even know what that is but I know I would be seriously upset.
|
| Distressed2010
|
|
#14
Apr 30, 2011, 03:45 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Thanks, I put up a post for that.. yeah Mind games, crazy mind games in that I don't even know if he liked me or not to begin with. and its still mind boggling me, i'm having sleepless nights just analyzing stuff... and I'm hurt that after a year and a half I decided to open up and like someone, A LOT, and i got shot down, especially since the flirting started from HIS side... and he was very physically affectionate all the time.. maybe i misread.. but more so, I feel i screwed up.. i said something he didn't like or something along those lines because i do know i sometimes blurt out things before thinking about how it might hurt the other person.. also most times when I know someone is just joking with me in good spirits, if he says something that might be offensive to very sensitive folks, i laugh it off because i like playing fiesty.. maybe he was the wrong person to play that with...idk. I'm very sensitive but if i know that the person truly cares about me inside his heart and is just playing around, i'm ok. but i suppose some are not.. |
|
#15
May 01, 2011, 11:21 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I have a question, on those days when you are fine because you have plans to meet someone that night, is that person a potential (or actual) love interest? Love is a great motivator! Still, from your posts, it appears you might have love issues. And, it also appears that you have relocated to a country where male domination of women is a traditional role. Please pardon me for being so blunt but, I think you're living in the wrong place. It's very difficult for women in tradition-oriented male dominant societies, especially if they are on their own, emotionally or financially needy and are not familiar with the cultural territory. What are your relationships with other women your age like there? Friendly? Adversarial? Competitive? Supportive? Are you seen / classified as an outsider in your new country?
What are your thoughts on becoming economically and emotionally self-sufficient before entering into another romantic relationship? Do you believe that it is possible for you to accomplish this? Are you living in a place where it is possible for women to be economically independent? |
| Distressed2010
|
|
#16
May 01, 2011, 11:28 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
As someone who has moved several times, I know how tough it is to be in a new city, Distressed2010, and I feel for you.
You've gotten some great advice; I have another suggestion that may or may not be viable based on your geographic location: the library. They're free, and here in the States at least (and I understand you are not in the US) there are computers to use there and comfy reading areas. At least it would get you out. However, I'm not sure this is the way libraries are where you live. If they are not, then I guess my suggestion won't help, but I thought I'd toss it out there. Hope things start looking brighter soon.
__________________
No one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned—Pete Townshend A beach is a place where a man can feel / he's the only soul in the world that's real—The Who, Bell Boy |
|
#17
May 01, 2011, 04:30 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
No worries at all for the bluntness... The country I live in has no issues with women being economically independent... yes it is a family oriented culture but in no way does the man dominate the woman.. some households they do.. but its not everywhere... Mostly. its just a family oriented culture.. Secondly, when I do have plans, not necessarily with a love interest. When i have it with a love interest, I actually lose sight of everything. I was talking about having plans with friends or someone i like hanging out with.. i dont have any women friends.. i have one woman aquantaince who's not very nice but I socialize with her for networking purposes.. through her i meet others in the industry.. Can you expand on the love issues part? What do you mean by love issues? I do lack a support network, i also have a lot of pain inside me that i'm waiting to share with someone who's comforting.. I have yet to find anyone to open up to.. |
|
#18
May 01, 2011, 04:31 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Thanks avid reader No libraries here.. There are two but they cost tons.. and they have a limited selection. and they're an hour commute away... |
|
#19
May 01, 2011, 08:33 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
This is a life pattern that needs to be broken. You can move to different cities and different countries but if you continue to follow a life pattern that does not create lasting friendships then the pattern of living a lonely life will just follow you wherever you go. I never consider people I meet in pubs to be "friends" and am extremely wary of flirts. I avoid game players at all cost; life is not a game and I am not a toy. I only consider them friends unless I've known them for a long time and have shared meaningful personal talks / experiences with them. I have to know a person for months before I will open up. You seem to be more trusting - maybe too much so? Have you considered counseling? You need to make some trustworthy friends - both female and male. Money may be tight but counseling appears to be an investment you cannot afford to pass by. |
| Distressed2010
|
|
#20
May 04, 2011, 01:41 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I met a couple and they weirded me out, and its just not the same as in the US. here they just listen to you talk and thats about it... I suppose i'm still learning how to trust people.. or who the right people are to trust? When do you open up to someone? and what is considered personal and what is not? Do you think i trusted too quickly in this situation? How can i pace that? I would really appreciate any advice. I'm trying to learn how to build long lasting friendships.. with the right people.. |
|
#21
May 04, 2011, 02:59 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
For what it's worth my first experiences with therapy here in the us was just talking and them listening to me talk. That's it. So maybe searching more in your area might mean you could find someone better able to help you.
As far as who to trust and making friends that a difficult one to figure out. I think you've gotten a lot of great advice here and maybe you're throwing out some of it too easily - even if social standards where you are different (I understand that ) you can try to work around them? I don't know where you're from originally (somewhere different I take it) - do you fit in culturally with the people you are around? Is that part of the problem? Is there any way you could start talking to some new people within accepted social standards?
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
|
#22
May 04, 2011, 03:14 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Hi turqoisesea.. I'm not sure if i understand.. what advice are you talking about that you think I'm throwing out? I feel like.. maybe I'm different culturally. LIke i do belong to this culture but i was raised in US so i sort of expect a little more compassion than some of these people here.. but there is a tendency to gossip in this country.. A LOT and theyre quick to judge as well.. also, i'm not used to being too upfront either.. like i only go if i'm invited. i'll never invite myself. and i found out that its okay to invite yourself sometimes. but i feel odd doing that.. maybe will take time.. |
|
#23
May 04, 2011, 08:27 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Hi. I have to admit that I am a bit baffled. I am sure the small town you're living in is very nice. Is there work there for actors? Does it have a theater with plays or musicals? If not, then you can expect to remain unemployed unless you change professions.
I live in a BIG city. But, my experience with small towns is that they are gossipy and everyone knows everyone else's business. If you are not comfy with that way of life, then moving to a much larger town or city is recommended. In a city, everyone will not know your business and you won't have to worry so much about the cultural faux pas you might make. There is also a larger pool of people to socialize with and greater chance of finding a job. How do you judge people to find out if they are suitable for close friends or love interest? I would say by their values. Their values should be similar to or complement yours. Granted, I don't share the same values with some of my friends but they have other qualities that I like, e.g., fun loving, good conversationalists. I only get intimate though with people who have similar values. I don't know if this appeals to you but, a great way to meet new people is to . . . get a dog! Smile and chat with other dog owners while your pets sniff each other!! It works! Good luck to you!! |
| Distressed2010
|
|
#24
May 05, 2011, 02:14 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Can you tell us in what country you are? That might help us give you some advice regarding the culture there. Some of us have traveled a lot abroad and know a lot of people overseas.
|
|
#25
May 05, 2011, 02:27 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I'm actually in a very very big city... not sure where the town part came from. I understand what you're saying about values.. but sometimes I don't know when to trust, how fast to move in, when to back off.. |
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
