[porcupine2]

I feel like today is a blank slate....and that's a good thing.

Today, a haboob is in my face.

[gma45]

So far so good!

[Nemo39122]

Just want to give up on this **** most people call life.

[buttrfli42481]

Am I really friend worthy?

[Home Body]

You are friend worthy! How about that?

I hate this feeling called nervous.

[porcupine2]

There I did it again. It's my own fault for not just saying NO. Now I have to be the bad guy. Mea culpa.

Mud can make your hands dirty.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by LavalampTerry

I don't know why I bother... Every time I think I'm making progress - connecting in a world I've always felt separated from - somebody comes along and reminds me I'm still the square peg trying to fit in a round hole.

Your not a square peg really Lava, sometimes I do admit that it can feel that way, but that is when the PTSD is talking, I know that well. Most people have feelings of not truely fitting in, but that is simply because we are all unique and feel separate.

Always remember Lava that no matter where you have been in your past, your still a good person.

Open Eyes

[ruckus940]

I keep getting reminded that my place is the back of the line and if someone new comes to get in line--they cut in front. Tired of being disregarded, around to talk to when no one else is available, second fiddle. So my motto for today "Lonely but not alone".

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Your not a square peg really Lava, sometimes I do admit that it can feel that way, but that is when the PTSD is talking, I know that well. Most people have feelings of not truely fitting in, but that is simply because we are all unique and feel separate.

Always remember Lava that no matter where you have been in your past, your still a good person.

Open Eyes

I agree.

[geometryisalie]

I realized today that I am not the type of person that would kill another individual no matter HOW MUCH I hated them. Most importantly I realized that the same applies when that hated individual is me.

[porcupine2]

I am not sure how to handle this feeling of being totally offended and sick of others wanting something from me. I don't understand it. I would never even think of asking of others what others are asking of me. No wonder I don't want to crawl out of my hole. If I say yes I'm enabling and if I say no I'm a selfish beotch.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by porcupine2

I am not sure how to handle this feeling of being totally offended and sick of others wanting something from me. I don't understand it. I would never even think of asking of others what others are asking of me. No wonder I don't want to crawl out of my hole. If I say yes I'm enabling and if I say no I'm a selfish beotch.

This certainly sounds like a place I have been.(and was there for a very long time.) I believe I have moved far enough away to say I'm not there anymore. Then, again, maybe I just haven't been real seriously tested in awhile. I am thinking that, prior to the next real test, it might be wise to get a T-shirt printed with the word BEOTCH in bold letters across the chest. Maybe, I should order 10 in different bright colors. Purpose: Mainly to remind ME of what is the better option of the two you mention above.

On the back, it will read: NEED HELP? JUST CALL: 1-800-DONTASK
or
1-800-NOIWONT

[Nemo39122]

I don't need to apologize for things that happened to me.

......right?

[porcupine2]

I woke up crabby because I fell out of bed and onto my cpap machine before I hit the floor only to find my cat had jumped behind the gas stove and was stuck, knocking all the food bowls over in the meantime. I think I'll go back to bed and try this again!

back in ED under the mental health act.

dont know if an admission would be helpful or not.. the voices say not but the part of me that's fighting says yes.

[Indie'sOK]

Yesterday in English, we read a poem written about 20 years ago by a student who wrote it to reflect on the emotional problems he was experiencing at the time. My teacher said that after she read it (which was very well-written), she talked to him after class about it and asked if he was alright. In the few days before, my class had been instructed to write three poems on any topic. Of course one of mine dealt with my anxiety and sadness, the whole bit. I figured it couldn't hurt to let her see it. My other two pieces were pretty good, and after reading them aloud in our writing groups, another student told her to read mine, impressed by my work. I gave her the sad one to look at. After reading it, she hands it back to me and exclaims "oh, how cute!"...

Ummm......what?

[Invisibility]

There's quite a lot on my mind, that's why I'm still awake at 4:30am.

The main thing at the moment though, is how incredibly lonely I am. There are nights I really miss having someone else to sleep next to you know?

It's not for a lack of trying, I've had a few serious relationships. All have failed though. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just not boyfriend material. I do change when I'm with somebody but not in a creepy "I don't know who you are anymore!" way. For the better. After all, I still want to keep my personality and not become some random bloke.

I've had, what I can interpret as, potential opportunities. But never seem to have the confidence to talk to them properly. This is my eternal battle with control of my own brain cropping up once again.

Am I destined to be alone until this... thing goes away? What am I doing wrong? I consider myself to be a good person when in a relationship. A hell of a lot better than most of the misfits I see trundelling about with their underage girlfriends and 20 kids.

Welcome to my town, btw.

I can't help but sacrifice my own happiness because I'm afraid that it will all just end in tears again. In a way, this is helping me though. I've only got myself to look after and I can barely do that sometimes. But it doesn't change the fact, this might never go away. And then continuing this path, I may as well become a Monk.

[porcupine2]

I love this time of year with spooky movies and fun decorations. But this year it is actually sad that the news is scarier than anything right now.

[clouds_and_sun]

Just because I have one "offline friend" doesn't mean that she is "really a friend". She always lies to me when i ask what is wrong (I am hypersensitve to others feelings) with her by saying that aboslutly nothing is wrong with her, she never can ever look bad and have anything negative about her, she thinks she is perfect. She is not really a true friend to me, sadly she is just someone who is just there. I really wish I had a real offline friend.

[SadNJNY]

People really see me for the failure that I am.

I feel odd posting that I feel terrific in a Depression forum but you know what? I've been so down these last few years that I could care less. I'm happy-and unapologetic about it.

[TerryL]

After many, many years of being depressed, never thinking I would ever feel happy again, I think I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel. I have worked very hard at my issues. I have looked within and to the past. I never really knew who I was or at least never felt who I was was good enough, but that has changed gradually. I am a little more comfortable with myself now. Have also learned that others have battles too and that has eased my social anxieties. To be able to express myself on this forum has been incredible for me. Things that I have kept only to myself my whole life are now out there. Tonight I sat alone as usual, but was not lonely. I know there are many people out there who are lonely too. I hope to make new friends. I hope you will all find happiness. I hope...