I want to escape

I don't know what my problem is. I want to just grab my dog and get in my car and drive to the other side of the country and start life as a different person.

I already quit my job and just went back to school to be a nurse. I just graduated as a nurse. However, I still fantasize about leaving my husband. He is the nicest person in the world, but I still don't want to be married to him anymore. It could be that his family obligations are driving me insane. His aunt and uncle took him in to raise him when his parents died. Their son and daughter both moved pretty far away once they finished school, so my husband is the one that stuck around to take care of the aunt and uncle. His uncle passed about a year ago and now his aunt is left and she is quite needy. She needs a LOT of attention for her dramatic fantasies and such. I am used to a very self-sufficient family. We do not need mounds of attention. We do not manipulate for attention. We love one another from afar. His family is the opposite...well, his aunt is. She makes me crazy! But here we are, as we are the only ones that live nearby, we are the babysitters.

I feel horrible that I feel this way. My husband is bound by duty to take care of her and to forego his life and his time off to do whatever she wants to do. He is a very selfless person.

So why did he want to marry me? I am so miserable and I feel like an ***** for wanting to escape this. I am tired of family obligations for all of our free time. I just want to run, start a new life somewhere else. I feel so miserable and all I want to do is get some kind of time away from him. He used to travel quite a bit for work but he has not gone anywhere for weeks...so I have had no break from him. I need my time alone to recharge and I am definitely not getting it now.

I feel so trapped.

Hello, Sad99! I can easily imagine a family therapist amassing a book's worth of material on your husband, his aunt, uncle and cousins.
Sounds entirely reasonable. Is it possible?

Does your husband understand that his relationship with his aunt is ... making life difficult for you?

Rohag,

He is very understanding. Sometimes I think that I feel so guilty for not being like him, not being as selfless as he is. I also feel bad to let him shoulder this burden on his own. So, I let myself get sucked in.

We need another couple's counseling session. I guess I get overwhelmed with everything and decide that running away from it all would be my best bet. I don't know why I can't just tell him that I need alone time for my sanity and it doesn't mean that I don't love him. I just feel like he doesn't get it. I don't know. I can't seem to express exactly what the source of my angst is, although I know that a large portion comes from his aunt and her needs and our constant kowtowing to her. So I end up resenting him for us always seemingly dropping everything and running to do whatever she wants. It really makes me not want to be around him at times. It makes me very angry and I feel to much like a heel to tell him how angry it makes me because I don't understand what its like to lose a parent, much less both parents. I think I have an overblown ideal of my husband and I need to put it in check or I will never get past it.

Another counseling session would be an ideal place to ask for time to yourself. Maybe a vacation with your girlfriends? Or even go somewhere alone? Heck, even a day trip would be good.
Another thing that is helpful to me is having a standing day, for me it's every Wednesday, that I do something out of the house. I can do it alone or with someone else.
In your counseling session, you could introduce this idea (if you like the idea and it is doable according to your schedule) to the councelor and your husband.
I don't think it's a lot to ask for and you say your husband is understanding. I say, take a deep breath and GO FOR IT!

you seem to do a very good job at identifying your feelings and your needs. i think that if your husband is as understanding as you say he is that he would understand them if you spoke to him about them. you dont have to feel bad for what you feel. youre entitled to your feelings. go ahead and speak up. keeping them locked inside will only be detrimental to your marriage.

Thanks y'all. I guess bottom line is I am too scared of confrontation to get all this out in the open. I have myself feeling pressured to keep things as perfect as my husband likes to make things. He is the perfectionist, not me, so I need to get past that and let him try to make everything around the house perfect while I just sit back, relax, and giggle at his hang ups. But I can't! I feel responsible for his having to fix it or whatever. All this anxiety and stress is making me grind my teeth all night. This is insane and must stop. I need to find time for myself to do something. I keep wanting to start up painting again. Haven't done that since I was a child.

I think I am creating this monster by not telling my husband what is going on inside, and it's really hurting us.

Okay, maybe I will have a glass of wine and delve into it with him...and set up a counseling session for us.

Thanks to all of you

Another thought is that I love love love it when he leaves the house. I feel like I am totally by myself and can let everything hang out and I can be my most authentic self. I don't know why I don't want to be that when he is here. I feel like when he is gone, I am free to do, eat, watch whatever I want to. Which in reality, I am have that freedom anytime. It is just knowing that that other person is in the next room that keeps me from feeling that freedom. Freedom to do silly stuff like eat a huge bad of popcorn or whatever. I guess I have myself feeling like I am judged. But why? so silly..