confused, lonely, lost, sad, depressed

I haven't posted in awhile but I need support right now.

I so lost, confused, unsure about my life, my church, people in my life and just everything seems like such a big task. I'm tired of feeling empty, used and like I'm not worth or not important to people who I thought are good people.

To top it all off, I have to devote so much time to my son and his developmental delays. He is 2 1/2 and requires extra time, attention, and learning opportunitys.

I love my son more than anything, yet I think maybe if I was like other people I would fit in better. maybe they would like me better. I feel I have to choose between being the best mom, teacher, care giver, friend, security person, cook, worker, and everything else that moms do or be different to keep friends/other people in my life.

My mind is running and running with no end in sight. I even started drinking again last night just to calm my nerves down and today I've drank already and the day has just begun.

(((((((tryingtobeme)))))))

Hello, tryingtobeme.

http://www.helpguide.org/elder/carin...caregivers.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/elder/respite_care.htm
http://www.medicare.gov/caregivers/

((((((( Tryingtobeme! ))))))))
You're depressed and dealing with other issues. They ARE big tasks.
Oh, there must be some stories there! (Don't feel pressured to share anything.)
Maybe...but how much damage might you do to your true Self in the process of becoming more like others?

The selfless, wonderful efforts you are investing in your son are beyond value. Unfortunately, some onlookers will not be able to appreciate what you are doing. I hope you can build the inner psychic "boundary strength" to be confident in yourself and be less stressed by perceived social expectations.

I'm sorry. I am so upset about this to really answer questions. When I calm down a bit I will revisit this. I will continue to read what you say though. I can't stop crying. I saw my pastor about the church stuff and basically I feel I'm being blamed for the problems.

it sounds like you are really depressed and this depression needs to be addressed. do you have a T, a place to go talk where you arent going to feel judged? you may even need to consider medication at this point as you are selfmedicating with alcohol, which isnt the best choice as you need to stay on the top of your game to care for your son. lighten up on yourself. you dont have to be the best, just do the best that you can do. right now it seems you are basing your worth on the judgement of others. there really is no way to know what others are thinking about you. its funny, there was this mom that babysat my kids long ago. i so looked up to her. she seemed to have it all. she is friends with my son on facebook. turns out, she looked up to me. she thinks im the greatest.

it sounds to me that you do a wonderful job taking care of your son's needs. you are just overwhelmed now because of your depression. but look at these things that you do, that you are successful at each take, and get your value from that, not what others think of you. make a list of the good things you do and say, this is me, and i do a darn good job at..... i am valuable and unique. find it within, not without. or you will always be searching for validation elsewhere.

My brother has autism and the efects on my parents are devastating. Dont let that happen to you. Seek help because its just a difficult for you as it will be for him. If you cant help yourself you cant help him to the best of your ability (((hugs))) good luck!!!

I feel like nothing today. Nothing matters on what I say, do, think. Every little thing I don't do is what everyone sees. what is life really, a place of h...and then we all perish. I've cut and drank already to and feel....well my life is...life....but done. Nothing left to really do but continue to be beaten down by everyone. I just everyone's punching bag no matter how hard I try and do good, it's all for nothing, nothing, nothing.....tis not a happy world....gb..........

Very telling. You're a target for condemnation. I wonder if those folks are nurturing their own identities at your expense.
You're right -- it's nothing to them. You can't please them. Can you please yourself, or did they rob you of your self?

The Tryingtobeme they see is not the Tryingtobeme we see.

I understand the difficulty it is to be seriously depressed. The symptoms you described a very much like the ones I have experienced.

I see from one of your past post you were seeing a T, but was having some difficulty with that process. Maybe its time to reconsider getting back in therapy...something to consider.

I do hope the depression symptoms will lift for you. Has anything helped in the past with your depression?

Learning about CBT practices has helped me.