[whenwillitend]

I'm crashing. I can feel it. I can't keep up the happy facade anymore. I'm exhausted.
I'm scared of actually finding a job, but I'm also scared of not finding one. I'm just scared.

I applied for the "free or reduced lunch program" for my older son at school. Can't even afford his school lunches anymore.
Thursday we have an appointment to apply for WIC for the little guy. He should qualify. That would help so much.
Hubby is not happy about me applying for those things. Just more proof that he failed his family (that's how he sees it, not me).

[missbelle]

Hopefully you have made an immediate appointment with your therapist or pdoc. Thats a necessary thing...you do not want to fall all the way to the bottom. We have to take care of ourselves first because as you know we cannot take care of others without first taking care of ourselves!!!! Please call!!!

I am so glad you applied for the lunch program and wic. They are there for us and another one of our tax dollars at work.We have the right to use these programs without feeling any guilt. I do understand how spouse feels..after all he is a man..and very proud. Tell him though he paid for this from his taxes and now he is just taking some of it back......

Take care of YOU!!!

Hugs;

[roads]

I hear you, whenwillitend. You're really cornered when every answer is the wrong answer. Get the job? Don't get the job? Same thing. Life is scary & exhausting. The world is crashing all around.
I wish there were some magic pill, an injection, a piece of advice--but there's not.

Of course get any T or pdoc you have & be sure they know exactly how you're feeling.

What there is, is this: knowing it's not your fault, having others to tell how bad it feels, being strong enough to get through one more day with your family intact.
It may not seem like much from where you sit, but it's really a lot.
Finding programs to help & applying for them takes resolve, especially when hubby disapproves. I'm sorry he feels that way, but most men have a problem being less than the sole support. You can't take that on right now.
Raising two children takes energy and creative strength, in the best of times. To raise them amidst a medley of other problems requires a miracle & a lot of love.

The fact that you are still able to put whole sentences together is impressive. Ask for help everywhere--even from your boys & husband. PM me if you want--who knows, maybe I can do something?

Just look at what you've done, look at your boys, demand help from every quarter. & whatever god you spend time with, may that god bless you richly.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you both! I have appointments with both my t and my pdoc today. I'm going to spend my last money on the pdoc appointment. Luckily, my t doesn't make me pay right away. She just keeps track of what I owe her, and lets me pay what I can, when I can. She says it's more important that I come see her than for her to get paid.

So far, neither one of us has heard anything back from all the jobs we applied for. I'm starting to panic.

[AnotherDayDown]

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

I hear you, whenwillitend. You're really cornered when every answer is the wrong answer. Get the job? Don't get the job? Same thing. Life is scary & exhausting. The world is crashing all around.
I wish there were some magic pill, an injection, a piece of advice--but there's not.

Of course get any T or pdoc you have & be sure they know exactly how you're feeling.

What there is, is this: knowing it's not your fault, having others to tell how bad it feels, being strong enough to get through one more day with your family intact.
It may not seem like much from where you sit, but it's really a lot.
Finding programs to help & applying for them takes resolve, especially when hubby disapproves. I'm sorry he feels that way, but most men have a problem being less than the sole support. You can't take that on right now.
Raising two children takes energy and creative strength, in the best of times. To raise them amidst a medley of other problems requires a miracle & a lot of love.

The fact that you are still able to put whole sentences together is impressive. Ask for help everywhere--even from your boys & husband. PM me if you want--who knows, maybe I can do something?

Just look at what you've done, look at your boys, demand help from every quarter. & whatever god you spend time with, may that god bless you richly.

your post was exactly what i needed to hear. thank you.

[whenwillitend]

Feeling really really low tonight.

[missbelle]

Keep hanging in there.....its gonna get better......I don't know when......but hang tight for now till this whole mess passes...and remember that it will!

Thinking of you this evening!

[whenwillitend]

Thank you! I'm so desperate, I even applied at Taco Bell and Domino's. I worked at McDonald's many many years ago, and it was such a nightmare that I swore to myself I'd never do fast food again.

DH has a job interview Friday, for selling insurance. He'd hate that job, but he'll take it if he can, he's desperate too.
We had to buy DH a business outfit for that interview, so we pawned his laptop today.

DH is so depressed, he went to bed at 6pm tonight.
He's also mad at me, because I accepted someone's offer to buy us the food we'll need to make a thanksgiving dinner. I told DH, it's for the kids, they were so happy when I told them we'll actually have a thanksgiving dinner. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride.

I feel kinda weird, like I'm drowing, but then hope tries to fight its way back up, and then I feel like I'm drowing again, and so on. It's a constant up and down. I don't know who's going to win. Hope or Depression. I'm fighting for hope, with everything I have, but I'm getting weaker.

DH has been talking about downsizing our furry family members. I see his point, but how can I give one of my "babies" away? They are all utd on their shots, and we have food for them, but I am worried if one of them gets sick. My furries make me happy, how can I choose one to "get rid of"?

All those christmas commercials are really getting me down. All those toys, the commercials with excited kids tearing through piles of presents. And knowing that this year, we can't give our kids that. The little guy won't care, he'll be perfectly happy with one new toy, even if it's a used one. But the older one is used to being spoiled on christmas. I know, presents are not what Christmas is about, but for a barely 9 year old, it is.

I just feel like crying tonight.

[SophiaG]

Well, he gave away his laptop, maybe you should give away an animal too?

[whenwillitend]

Originally Posted by SophiaG

Well, he gave away his laptop, maybe you should give away an animal too?

The laptop is at the pawnshop, he'll get that back. And everything I own that is worth something is at the pawnshop too, it's not just his stuff.

Besides, animals are living things, they are attached to us, we are their family, their "pack". There's a huge difference between getting rid of a laptop and getting rid of an animal.

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

Thank you! I'm so desperate, I even applied at Taco Bell and Domino's. I worked at McDonald's many many years ago, and it was such a nightmare that I swore to myself I'd never do fast food again.

DH has a job interview Friday, for selling insurance. He'd hate that job, but he'll take it if he can, he's desperate too.
We had to buy DH a business outfit for that interview, so we pawned his laptop today.

DH is so depressed, he went to bed at 6pm tonight.
He's also mad at me, because I accepted someone's offer to buy us the food we'll need to make a thanksgiving dinner. I told DH, it's for the kids, they were so happy when I told them we'll actually have a thanksgiving dinner. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride.

I feel kinda weird, like I'm drowing, but then hope tries to fight its way back up, and then I feel like I'm drowing again, and so on. It's a constant up and down. I don't know who's going to win. Hope or Depression. I'm fighting for hope, with everything I have, but I'm getting weaker.

DH has been talking about downsizing our furry family members. I see his point, but how can I give one of my "babies" away? They are all utd on their shots, and we have food for them, but I am worried if one of them gets sick. My furries make me happy, how can I choose one to "get rid of"?

All those christmas commercials are really getting me down. All those toys, the commercials with excited kids tearing through piles of presents. And knowing that this year, we can't give our kids that. The little guy won't care, he'll be perfectly happy with one new toy, even if it's a used one. But the older one is used to being spoiled on christmas. I know, presents are not what Christmas is about, but for a barely 9 year old, it is.

I just feel like crying tonight.

I'm so sorry to hear this...Please, please please, contact your local office that administers WIC (I'm not sure what they call it where you are from but where I'm from they call it Department of Job & Family Services), to see if they can refer you to any and all agencies/churches/wherever that gives away toys to needy children for Christmas...I know for a fact that Salvation Army gives away toys to children...Again, contact them and they can give you resources/referrals...This breaks my heart to hear this...I know I would be devasted if my daughter didn't have a Christmas....This year for her birthday, we weren't able to spend the amount of money that we normally spend on her and that alone broke my heart...It's a let down to kids...Those sad little faces

I mean, my family is doing the best we can financially. I'm the only one with a 9-5...My child's father/bf is working part time and in school...That takes up a lot of his time during the day so it's mostly me tending to my 6 year old...And soon, my 2 year old nephew will be spending a great deal of the week living with us do to family circumstances...On top of juggling bills to keep everything from being disconnected, helping my daughter with school and everything involved with that and running a household PLUS all of my depression issues, it can be alot...I said all of that to say, there are times where I get my mental break...But I push and push myself because I feel like if I stop, things will fall apart since so much depends on me...But back to you, things will get better...Hang in there for the kids...Focus on trying to make the holidays the best that you can for them...I'm happy to hear that you all will have a thanksgiving and the kids seemed so excited to hear the news! Good luck! Hope you feel better

[whenwillitend]

Thank you so much for your kind words! We did apply for WIC today, and got approved. Only the little guy qualified, but that's better than nothing.

I think we'd have to get a lot closer to christmas with us still not having any money, before my husband would accept help with the christmas presents. He is just so proud.

I applied to a few more jobs today. So far I haven't heard anything back yet from any of the jobs I applied for.

Sold a few things today, so we have money for things like gas now.

Tonight I'm in "fight mode", where I'm determined to get through this, and telling myself that it's all going to be alright, where I'm not willing to let this get me down.

[likewater]

Hugs to you, whenwillitend. Kudos to you for doing what you need to to take care of your family. You will get through this. Reach out however you can. Also, for the furry critters call maybe dreampower, see if they can donate or help with pet expenses or temporary foster homes.

[roads]

Some areas have help available thru Humane Societies or SPCAs so that people are better able to keep their pets during these hard times. In some cases, food can be gotten for little or no cost. Vets in some areas offer lower cost health care. It all depends on where you are.
But the shelters everywhere are overflowing with cats & dogs already surrendered, & shelters are now doing all they can to help people keep their pets. Please consider that if it's available where you are.
You are right--you need each other. Children especially need their pets, who are family members, safe members they can trust.
My heart & prayers are with you.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you both! We do have petfood pantries around here, but we just bought food, so for now we're good. And as for Vetcare, nobody here does cheaper Vetcare, and nobody takes payments. That much I know. So hopefully none of our critters will get sick. If they get sick, they WILL get care, even if it means pawning/selling everything we own. Our pets never go without.

At least we still have health insurance. But no dental.

[whenwillitend]

interview this morning was no good. job doesn't start until january, plus it's commission based.

applied to some more jobs today. still nothing.

feel so defeated tonight. i finally caved and agreed to reducing our furries. one of our dogs is already gone. she was such a sweetie. she went with a really nice couple, and she was all excited, she seemed to like them right away. still, it's heartbreaking.
my babygirl will go back to the breeder we got her from next month. one of our cats is going back to the shelter we got her from on sunday.

i feel horrible. tonight is not a good night. just want to cry.

[whenwillitend]

I actually heard back from one of the jobs I applied for!!! They sent me an official application and talked about pay and such. I'm so excited! It's for a petsitter service. I would MUCH rather do that than Taco Bell.

I'm cautiously optimistic now.

[Blamethemeds]

I have four kids and thanks to numerous things that were out of my contol, we also have fallen on hard times. I didn't want to be on wic and the low cost/free lunch thing either because it makes me feel like a beggar. But I don't want my kids to starve so we did it. I'm going to school and applied everywhere locally for a few months. Took a while but I finally got a job and the hubby just got a new job. We were doing doooo bad for a while. Ugh. The pawnshop people know my husband on a first name basis. It took months of us going through what you did. I finally now have some actually money and can buy things. It will get better. I lived off pb&j so my kids could eat the good stuff for almost a month. I hope you get your job and your husband gets one he will enjoy and make good money with. Keep your head up and know your not alone!!! Goodluck.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you so much for your kind words!

Today is a very rough day. We have decided to rehome all of our animals except for one cat. And my son gets to keep his rats and his hamster. But our remaining two dogs and one of the cats are leaving us. Even the pup that I got my husband for his birthday and that he loves so much.

All this is just breaking my heart. Very depressed today.

[Rohag]

I am so, so sorry, Whenwillitend. It is heartbreaking, and you are fragile enough.

[roads]

This is so heartbreaking. You are doing what you have to do but that can give no solace when it hurts so much.

I hope you hear soon about the jobs. The petsitting would I guess be good--let you give your love at least. I'm so glad your son's keeping his rats. We'll all have to pray to St Francis that he comfort the others who've had to leave you. I somehow think St Francis reaches beyond the Catholic faith when it comes to critters--he had some unique connection that calmed & assured them.

Please hang on, hour by hour if a day is too much. It seems like most of us now are just waiting for the other shoe to fall in at least one area--no peace anymore in anyone's life, or not for long.

We're all praying for each other, whenwillitend. Some tomorrow will bring sunshine for you.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you so much, I'm in tears now. Plus, I just talked to the couple who offered to buy our thanksgiving foods, and they really bought EVERYthing we'll need, from the eggs to the milk to potatoes and butter, pies and coolwhip, turkey, EVERYthing. This is proof that God sends us angels when we need them the most.

So, the puppy found a new home, she will stay with us until the 29th, because the new owners are in the middle of moving. It's nice to have her a bit longer, but it's also really hard, like counting down to doomsday.

My old girl, she's 8, she was supposed to go back to the breeder we got her from, but they don't want to take her back and want us to take her to a no kill shelter. NO WAY!! She's my babygirl, she will NOT sit in a kennel feeling abandoned. At her age it's going to be VERY hard to find a new home for her. We will try to find her a great new home and if that doesn't happen, she's staying with us, and we'll just have to figure out something and hope and pray that she doesn't get sick.

My husband is even more depressed, now that he rehomed his puppy. He loves this pup just like I love my Aussie girl.
Right now he's on his way to take one of our cats back to the shelter where we got her from.

What a horrible horrible day.

[roads]

I work in a shelter, & we try to give returnees like yours special care. I don't think that will help you feel better, but I want to say it anyway.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you! The shelter people were NOT happy that we brought her back. They had zero understanding for our situation. I don't get it, would they rather have us keep her and not be able to take care of her? She needed special food too, we were feeding her Blue Buffalo Wilderness, and we simply can not afford that at this time. Not to mention Vet care for an elderly cat. And it's not like this was a decision that was made lightly. I fought it tooth and nail. But eventually I had to admit that there's just no other way right now.

My babygirl Panda found a new home last night too. I cried all day, I really did not want to let her go. But the family she went to is AWESOME, which made me feel a lot better. Still, the house is so empty without my shadow. And she didnt' want to leave me either, she kept stopping and looking back at me, it broke my heart. They told us we can come see her anytime, they don't live very far from us. And they sent me an email this morning, letting me know that she is doing fine.

This has to be one of the worst times in my life. Well, my adult life anyway. It's really only topped by the time my mom died. I wish I could fast forward a few months, and hopefully be back on our feet by then.

[NuckingFutz]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I wish my nonprof could help...maybe you could find someone to keep them until you are back on your feet... I am having to help people in your situation everyday and I know how heartbreaking it can be.

Peace love and luck to you and yours