[simply nobody]

I don't know how much longer i can take this... It seems like I have no one and nothing left. There is no one that even acknowledges that I exist anymore. It seems like no one would care if live or die. I feel as if I don't do anything anymore besides things to harm myself, I have started cutting every night again, and every night i test myself by going deeper and deeper... just to see how far I can go. I have also cut out breakfast lunch and most dinners...I have also began drinking again... just to be as far from reality as possible. My psychiatrist recommended that i should stop seeing her after the sixth session because i wasn't giving the effort to get better and that it was just wasting my parents money. I am fifteen and I feel like I have no reason to stay alive anymore. The pills do nothing at all... I have nothing that makes me special or any talent at all. I am sorry if this is not the right place to be posting this but I just really am not my strongest right now. I really need help and i can't turn to my parents because i have major trust issues and i am horrible with bringing up things to them. I am also pretty sure that I am gay...

[TerryL]

I have nothing that makes me special or any talent at all.

Ibelieve everyone has something that they are good at..please think about it and I hope that you will share with us.

I am sorry if this is not the right place to be posting

Doesn't matter where you put it as long as you get it out of your system.

I really need help and i can't turn to my parents because i have major trust issues

I'm sorry. Would you like to tell us more?

and i am horrible with bringing up things to them.

I understand completely. I never did that with my parents either. My family was not good at communicating much. at least not about the things that really mattered.

I am also pretty sure that I am gay...

Congratulations on finding yourself!

I know you are feeling really down but I hope that you will keep posting your feelings. We are listening.

[SophiaG]

Here's the link to the lgbtq forum we have on here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=110

Here's a link to the lgbtq group:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/group.php?groupid=24

[simply nobody]

I really don't have anything that i am good at. There is nothing wrong with my parents, I have just been deceived so many times by so many different people that i don't share anything with anyone i know anymore. Thank you so much for responding right away, it really means a lot to e.

[needfixing]

i validate you
i want the very best for you
please stop hurting yourself
you were never a burden
i want you to live but i also want you to heal and be free from all your struggles.
(((hugs))) remember you have friends here

[TerryL]

I really don't have anything that i am good at.

Well I think you are very good at expressing yourself, and even if you don't think that is a valid point, and you still think that you are not good at anything, it really doesn't matter. You are still deserving of love. I'm sorry you feel people don't care. Yes, it can feel like that sometimes for all of us. that's where self-esteem needs to kick in but of course that is easier said than done. It took me a long time to get there myself. Is any of your sadness related to you thinking you may be gay? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay you know. Do your parents know? If they don't do you think they will accept you if you told them?

[simply nobody]

I don't think that I deserve much of anything. I also think that me being gay is a factor in my depression. It is mostly the fact that I feel that me being gay prevents me from fitting in with others and that if I came out the would dislike me even more. If i were to tell my parents that I was gay, they would probably accept me for who I am. Even though they would accept me, I still am not able to tell them because of my communication issues. I also feel like the major contributing factor is the fact that I am an over thinker. Every time i get a reason to live, my mind happens to find a way around it and then I go back to be depressed. The only way I found to get around it is to cut... cutting leaves me emotionally drained and then i don't have to think about anything. I just wish I had a reason to live.

[Severijn]

Hi there.

Don't you think there is at least one social group of friends you'll fit in at school? It sounds to me that you also feel very depressed because you don't have the connection in your life that you want and need.

When you're 15, problems just seem so large. When you get older, these problems become more manageable. My teens were a nightmare, but when I got older I was better able to manage. Hope you remember that.

[TerryL]

I know it is hard in school, it's a community of all kinds of stresses. Not sure if this will help you but...I used to do a lot of temporary work and was once assigned to a property management place. One day my boss was talking badly about someone in the building. I remarked that I hoped that he didn't talk about me like that behind my back. and he said,"Isn't it more important what you think of yourself?" It was not a great job but it taught me a great life lesson. We can't control what is going on in the world but we can control how we think about ourselves. If you accept yourself, the world will follow. Now how to do that?..well perhaps start at home. Parents are a huge part of how we think of ourselves. you mentioned that your parents would probably accept your sexual orientation. If you can't talk to them about it have you ever thought of writing them a letter? If they respond with understanding, you will then have that nugget of acceptance in your heart which will help you weather the trials and tribulations of life. I know you would definitely feel better about everything. or, if that is too hard to do..maybe try to remember that everyone in your school is probably dealing with some kind of problem and many are probably feeling lonely too. Perhaps keep an eye out for someone who might need a friend and try to be extra nice to them. maybe you could make a friend that way? and then you would want to hang on. So here's hoping something will work out for (((you)))--T

[maynardssillygirl]

I know exactly how you are feeling. I feel that way most of the time but I am old enough now to stop cutting and I have responsibilities that help take some of the focus off my pain. Do you think being gay is the root of this problem? Do you tell people? My nephew who is gay is 16 and he has a group of gay friends that he hangs out with and they are so much fun and talented. I'm pretty sure you would discover your talents if you found a good social group who would accept you for who you are. I think you should first go to a counselor to help you decide how to approach making new friends, discovering talents, and getting closer with your parents. If nothing else, we are here to help guide you. You may contact me personally if you wish.
Smile for me today, cuz I know your beautiful.

hi (((simply nobody))) i am gay. i was 15 once and i relate with how you feel. you may feel that you are not good at anything but you are young and have plenty of time to learn things. and, you have plenty of time to come out and meet others like yourself and make friends with them.

you are very lucky to have accepting parents. if you cannot tell them face to face that you are gay then i suggest you put it in writing and hand it to them. just say, i can't put this into words but have to tell you. please read this and stay there. let them do the talking.

please also tell them about the cutting. for that, i suggest you see a therapist. i also once had a similar problem. once you share with your parents what you are going through then the desire to cut will lessen.

being gay makes life for complicated but it's a doable thing. when you come out, you learn who your real friends are. and, you will make friends who are like a second family. come out to friends when you are ready. you will know the time. life is always a challenge regardless of whether you are gay or straight. you have a big advantage because it appears the country and perhaps the world are finally changing in our favor.

i wish you all the best. feel welcome to PM me.

[depressedalaskan]

"My psychiatrist recommended that i should stop seeing her after the sixth session because i wasn't giving the effort to get better and that it was just wasting my parents money."

I see a huge problem here. I thing that a new shrick is needed. I for one knows that depression if very hard tackle. If your parents know of your depression they may try going to see a psychiatrist to learn more about depression.