[whimsygirl]

Hi Rose.....Feeling silly Now that I'm reading more carefully, sure seems like you already know everything I just wrote Oh well, guess I'm just confused, not all that unusual.....

[dazedandonfused]

Today I'm feeling hopeful and somewhat optimistic about my future. Trying to keep the tears to a min. trying to keep my head up and focus on the positive. I ate for the first time in a few days. So hopefully my therapy appt. will shed some light on a few things. I promised myself some more time and I’m praying that everything works out.
dazed

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by dazedandonfused

Today I'm feeling hopeful and somewhat optimistic about my future. Trying to keep the tears to a min. trying to keep my head up and focus on the positive. I ate for the first time in a few days. So hopefully my therapy appt. will shed some light on a few things. I promised myself some more time and I’m praying that everything works out.
dazed

Hi dazed....Just remember....one moment at a time

[ExiExi]

Trying to fight off them thoughts again. Only this time I'm home alone for the whole weekend. And I regret missing my planned "last day" I set for myself two years ago.

Been watching people playing with their children outside my bedroom window. They looked very happy.. colorful clothing, joyful voices and laughter bursts. For me it was like watching an animated cartoon. A fairy tale. Someone else's dream. I'm used to this sort of feelings. The only thing on my mind is "I don't belong here". I'm incompatible with all this mess.. can't live like this and I DON'T WANT TO! No fighting for whatever imaginary abstract ideas and emotional patterns everybody "wants" to develop. There is no such thing as "happiness" in my world. I don't feel anything like it. Can't remember last time I did. Lost something 30 years ago? NOT going to look for it.

It just hurts, okay?

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by ExiExi

Trying to fight off them thoughts again. Only this time I'm home alone for the whole weekend. And I regret missing my planned "last day" I set for myself two years ago.

Been watching people playing with their children outside my bedroom window. They looked very happy.. colorful clothing, joyful voices and laughter bursts. For me it was like watching an animated cartoon. A fairy tale. Someone else's dream. I'm used to this sort of feelings. The only thing on my mind is "I don't belong here". I'm incompatible with all this mess.. can't live like this and I DON'T WANT TO! No fighting for whatever imaginary abstract ideas and emotional patterns everybody "wants" to develop. There is no such thing as "happiness" in my world. I don't feel anything like it. Can't remember last time I did. Lost something 30 years ago? NOT going to look for it.

It just hurts, okay?

Hi Exi.....My heart is literally breaking for you as I read your post. I believe I have been in the place you describe, or at the very least nearby, and the worst thing to me is that I wish so much I could make a difference, but I don't imagine there is anything I can say that you have not heard before. What I can say, though....whether it matters or not, is that I care. I will be thinking of you and praying that somehow something changes. Hugs and warm wishes ~whimsy

[whyme17]

saw my t yesturday it went really well and i felt great after but today everything, all my feelings and emotions are back to square one. im starting to think that ill never get better. my mom HATES me, this time i know she does forsure, she will favor my sister in everyway possible, everything has to revolve around my sister, shes the prettier one, she gets the car whenever she wants, my mom will tell her how pretty she looks then im just there i cant even remember the last time someone complimented me. i feel like im not even there. my dad didnt even call me on my birthday but he bought my sister presents and took her out for dinner. somtimes i think if i just killed myself if anyone would even notice

[alone in the world]

any was ok because i keep my self to doped up to care. All i did was sleep. did call my T and shared the abuse of meds but mahts she to do we do not meet until next week. hoping this weekend I can find the enrergy to leave my home nad want to be part of society again. the loneliness and sadness just keeps me in a shell afraid others will not care .

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by alone in the world

any was ok because i keep my self to doped up to care. All i did was sleep. did call my T and shared the abuse of meds but mahts she to do we do not meet until next week. hoping this weekend I can find the enrergy to leave my home nad want to be part of society again. the loneliness and sadness just keeps me in a shell afraid others will not care .

I care.....

[optimize990h]

IDK, today I was a bit overloaded with information. That distracted me away from my depression, though. I could have become paranoid, but I was able to engage myself with others. Although, it was on the 'net, it was here at PC that kept me grounded. So my intuition was put to bed and I just tried to decompress. Whew! I avoided a trigger, too.

[Turtleboy]

Having a nice morning

[whimsygirl]

Really hurting and feeling so alone. Woke up to swirling bad ~sad thoughts.

[alone in the world]

Saturday the worse day of the week no structure nothing to occupy my mind but the negative thoughts. trying hard to distract myself by being here on PC but that can not last forever. still need to check in with my T but I hate always telling her how bad I feel and that I am struggling to keep my head above the water. Just want to be finished with this portion of my life.

[MotherMarcus]

I just hate the way my brain is wired.

[Bark]

I'm tired of being tired. No matter how much I sleep, I never feel rested. I had some tea an hour ago, and I still feel like taking a nap.

I'm tired of everything.

[regretful]

I can honestly say I'm feeling pretty well today. Nervous about the new path that lies ahead, but emotionally feeling pretty well.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by regretful

I can honestly say I'm feeling pretty well today. Nervous about the new path that lies ahead, but emotionally feeling pretty well.

Yaaayyy!! Hope things continue that way......

[Nammu]

It has been hard to stay awake. I was able to get a ride to my Pain Dr appointment. Apparently the doc in the hospitals and there lack of informing me about the medication changes caused me to first go into a physical withdrawal, then an intolerance to my regular medicines. She doesn't think I "lost" a day or dissociated although she will call my therapist, she thinks I took my normal medications and it was too much for me-I could have stopped breathing. Thats where Sir comes in he was lying on top of me kind of bouncing on me. He knows better that to wake me up--but I went to bed on Thursday and he was bouncing on me on Sat(last week) Maybe he just wanted his food-maybe he was trying to keep me breathing-I'll never know!

She cut some of my meds back even though I'm still not getting any pain control until my body gets used to them again. I talked to my therapist about going to partial-hospital 5 days a week. I don't like the Idea of putting myself in their hands. They will be coming to pick me up, I'll be vulnerable to them for transport, wanting to change me and I'll be fighting constantly no medications, and no inpatient hospitalizations--but as soon as my car is fixed I'm driving. But I will get a social worker and resources, find help for when I have my surgery and help with what else is out there. My rent just went up another 45 dollars, at this rate I can't stay here.

All in all, I'm still feeling tired. Hoping to get all the emails finished and go back to bed. They are picking me up at the un#@*)($ hour of 715 am. I assume presentable means out of Pj's and in street clothes?

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Really hurting and feeling so alone. Woke up to swirling bad ~sad thoughts.

So Sad for you, a hug and some love to brighten your sad Saturday.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm a lot better than I was past two days. Taking Ritalin this morning seems to have helped. I don't take it routinely. Once in a while, though, it seems to help stop the descent, which was getting bad till I took it.

I actually made my bed and got dressed after taking it.

My neck is not sore. Let me not screw that up by staying on the computer too long.

Just wanted to say it's time for you to give you some time to Rose76. Not everyday will be a great day-or even a OK day. Smile, take care of your physical self and find one new place to go to. Once a week. A library, farmers market, someplace where you can sit and have a tea, or cold drink of your choice. Just take some time to relax now that the finical isn't hanging over you 24/7. You did so much for me and I'm sure other's while you yourself were struggling. So for a brief time be nice to your self once a week.

[ck88]

Hey im new to the group

[ck88]

Hey everyone. Im new to the group

[alone in the world]

Very hard day today to not abuse the xanax trying hard but they have astrong pull on me so that I will sleep the pain away. Sleep is my wonder drug when I can get it, so I take what I shouldn't.

[CloudyDay99]

Feeling sad but trying to minimize the effects. I really want to sleep but I'm trying to prepare for the week instead. I know I will be happier with myself in the long run if I choose that plan.

[alyssum]

Feeling sad and scared today. Trying to do some things around the house with a little success, though not as much as I had hoped. Haven't been able to go anywhere. I'll take what I've been able to do, because it's still something.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

It has been hard to stay awake. I was able to get a ride to my Pain Dr appointment. Apparently the doc in the hospitals and there lack of informing me about the medication changes caused me to first go into a physical withdrawal, then an intolerance to my regular medicines. She doesn't think I "lost" a day or dissociated although she will call my therapist, she thinks I took my normal medications and it was too much for me-I could have stopped breathing. Thats where Sir comes in he was lying on top of me kind of bouncing on me. He knows better that to wake me up--but I went to bed on Thursday and he was bouncing on me on Sat(last week) Maybe he just wanted his food-maybe he was trying to keep me breathing-I'll never know!

She cut some of my meds back even though I'm still not getting any pain control until my body gets used to them again. I talked to my therapist about going to partial-hospital 5 days a week. I don't like the Idea of putting myself in their hands. They will be coming to pick me up, I'll be vulnerable to them for transport, wanting to change me and I'll be fighting constantly no medications, and no inpatient hospitalizations--but as soon as my car is fixed I'm driving. But I will get a social worker and resources, find help for when I have my surgery and help with what else is out there. My rent just went up another 45 dollars, at this rate I can't stay here.

All in all, I'm still feeling tired. Hoping to get all the emails finished and go back to bed. They are picking me up at the un#@*)($ hour of 715 am. I assume presentable means out of Pj's and in street clothes?

Oh sidestepper.....I don't even know where to begin with all this, except to say that I am so sorry about all you are having to deal with....I'd say it's unbelievable, but sadly I know better. (Hopefully that made sense to you.) Only wish I had a magic wand to wave. Sending many warm thoughts and hugs.....and a big "thank you" to Sir.