[Bmee2]

What do you do about shame?
Do you accept it? Can it go away? How do you work on it?
What if you are ashamed of having a mental illness? What if you are ashamed of your body...its shape and size? What if you are ashamed of being too depressed to exercise to help the body shape.

Ashamed of the past. Ashamed that growth seems to have stopped.

I can relate to what you are feeling but I'm not sure I can help you with it. I think shame is something people are conditioned to accept, whether it is merited or not. I don't know how to advise you on not accepting shame that isn't merited. I'm not even sure shame is ever merited. Nothing you described sounds shameful. It may be disappointing... to you.
And I don't see any whining at all there... and I have a pretty low tolerance for whining.

[AngelWolf3]

I agree, you definitely IMO were not whining. I also unfortunately don't have advice. I am with you though on those feelings and understand what you are going through right now. I am trying to work on shame with my T, but there's the rub, I am ashamed to talk about it. So the shame keeps me shamed. Meh, working through it probably will also make us feel worse before better? (just a guess there). I hope you find some answers here, anywhere, that will help you!

[Emptty]

Shame has always been a big issue for me... it weighs a ton and to carry it around everywhere you go can be unbearable.

I find that the best way to deal with shame is to look at what you are ashamed of, really look at it. Ask yourself why you are ashamed, who or what in your life has made you feel shame?

You're ashamed of your body? The human body is beautiful and I'm sure you are beautiful. What is there to be ashamed of? Your weight? You have to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself how wonderful you look. Even if the weight was off and your body was perfect you would still carry the weight of shame, you would still not be happy with yourself.

Ask yourself where the shame comes from, who in your life made you feel ashamed?
Tell yourself constantly that you are wonderful because I promise you, you are.
Every human is flawed, accept your flaws.. if you want to change/exercise and can't then work on it; tthink about it, talk about it, express your feelings about it but do not blame yourself for things and do not be embarrassed over your body or your past experience. There is no reason to judge yourself. There is no reason to be ashamed of yourself. You are who you are, you have done and continue to do what you do... no wrongs and no rights - just you and just life, accept you and accept life. We accept you here and I don't know your story but no one ever needs to feel ashamed of anything, shame is an evil feeling.

Sorry for writing so much but I feel what you feel, I carry around so much shame and every day I work to keep it from suffocating me.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Bmee2

What do you do about shame?
Do you accept it? Can it go away? How do you work on it?
What if you are ashamed of having a mental illness? What if you are ashamed of your body...its shape and size? What if you are ashamed of being too depressed to exercise to help the body shape.

Ashamed of the past. Ashamed that growth seems to have stopped.

I'm on board with George and Wolfin.....I don't think your expressing your thoughts ~feelings is "whining". And just to add my 2 cents to the mix, imo it seems the fact that you chose that word is a bit unkind to yourself....as though somehow what you feel is not important enough. Not true.

((((Bmee)))) I echo the other members...and i can relate to your post.
Hugs to you, R

[alone in the world]

Every one has done such a swell job in telling you to be strong and don't let shame define your destiny. I to have most of the same issues but I take it day to day and have to believe that the shame is covering up something else. Look within yourself (it's best with a T) and try and understand the shame , the body issue and your depression. It is funny how the answer could be as simple as a ddressing the depression so you can have a better insight into things. Take a minute and be grateful and proud of the things you have done. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} keep posting

[sundaymorning]

I can't judge emotions, but I find shame such a complicated emotion to deal with. And when it comes for me, it's almost alway covering another much more constructive emotions. Do you think you could try getting 'beneath' the shame feeling? It works for me. Sorry if this answer is a bit confusing, but it's such a complicated emotion and hard to explain.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of. We all came into this world as equal beings and we can choose to be good or bad. I think you are a good person and if so you have nothing to be ashamed of! Not even the mistakes everyone makes.

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by George H.

I can relate to what you are feeling but I'm not sure I can help you with it. I think shame is something people are conditioned to accept, whether it is merited or not. I don't know how to advise you on not accepting shame that isn't merited. I'm not even sure shame is ever merited. Nothing you described sounds shameful. It may be disappointing... to you.
And I don't see any whining at all there... and I have a pretty low tolerance for whining.

Mr. George H. thank you for responding to my....my post. It never occurred to me that my shame may not be merited. Now that is something to consider....Thank you.
Ps. I really like your picture of the little person looking under the ocean as if it were a rug. It made me smile.

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by Wolfin3

I agree, you definitely IMO were not whining. I also unfortunately don't have advice. I am with you though on those feelings and understand what you are going through right now. I am trying to work on shame with my T, but there's the rub, I am ashamed to talk about it. So the shame keeps me shamed. Meh, working through it probably will also make us feel worse before better? (just a guess there). I hope you find some answers here, anywhere, that will help you!

Wolfin3, Thank you for responding to my post. And you made me laugh when you said you are ashamed to talk about the shame with your T. i wrote about it my my journal because i knew i could not tell my T. i could not even make eye contact. However, it never occurred to me that maybe my shame is not merited. Have you ever considered that possibility?

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by Emptty

Shame has always been a big issue for me... it weighs a ton and to carry it around everywhere you go can be unbearable.

I find that the best way to deal with shame is to look at what you are ashamed of, really look at it. Ask yourself why you are ashamed, who or what in your life has made you feel shame?

You're ashamed of your body? The human body is beautiful and I'm sure you are beautiful. What is there to be ashamed of? Your weight? You have to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself how wonderful you look. Even if the weight was off and your body was perfect you would still carry the weight of shame, you would still not be happy with yourself.

Ask yourself where the shame comes from, who in your life made you feel ashamed?
Tell yourself constantly that you are wonderful because I promise you, you are.
Every human is flawed, accept your flaws.. if you want to change/exercise and can't then work on it; tthink about it, talk about it, express your feelings about it but do not blame yourself for things and do not be embarrassed over your body or your past experience. There is no reason to judge yourself. There is no reason to be ashamed of yourself. You are who you are, you have done and continue to do what you do... no wrongs and no rights - just you and just life, accept you and accept life. We accept you here and I don't know your story but no one ever needs to feel ashamed of anything, shame is an evil feeling.

Sorry for writing so much but I feel what you feel, I carry around so much shame and every day I work to keep it from suffocating me.

Emptty, Thank you for responding to my post. i am going to copy the questions you posted in my journal and work on them. Plus i am going to consider some of my shame not be merited. Despite what everyone has written thus far, everyone has helped me a great deal. All of the questions posed has caused a break in the drowning suffocation of shame. i do believe work on shame takes time...to unlearn so to speak. The questions you ask are a way of teaching yourself a new way of looking.

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

I'm on board with George and Wolfin.....I don't think your expressing your thoughts ~feelings is "whining". And just to add my 2 cents to the mix, imo it seems the fact that you chose that word is a bit unkind to yourself....as though somehow what you feel is not important enough. Not true.

Whimsygirl,
Thank you for responding to my post.
i realize how i have been taught to think all of my feelings except happy feelings, are a waste of time and more of a nuisance than anything. Thus i have learned to be very critical of all of my feelings. Maybe i was unkind to myself. Thank you for pointing that out to me. This too will be noted in my journal for further exploration. Thank you again.

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

((((Bmee)))) I echo the other members...and i can relate to your post.
Hugs to you, R

Hi Rose Panachee,
i hope you too can take something from the questions the other people posed in response to my post. Certainly shame is something, a negative judgment passed by society, and those who have harmed us. Too bad many of us, certainly myself, have accepted these negative judgments. The trick now is learning to replace the negative judgments with more positive, life affirming messages. Step one is to catch and look at the negative messages and where they came from. Next is to challenge or interrupt those negative messages. Then replace the negative messages with more positive ones.
A lot of work many of us have to do to conquer these feelings of shame. All i can say is one day at a time and good luck to all of us.

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by alone in the world

Every one has done such a swell job in telling you to be strong and don't let shame define your destiny. I to have most of the same issues but I take it day to day and have to believe that the shame is covering up something else. Look within yourself (it's best with a T) and try and understand the shame , the body issue and your depression. It is funny how the answer could be as simple as a ddressing the depression so you can have a better insight into things. Take a minute and be grateful and proud of the things you have done. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} keep posting

Alone in the world,

It never occurred to me that there was or could be something underneath the shame.
Thank you for responding to my post. you and everyone have helped a lot.

[Bmee2]

Originally Posted by sundaymorning

I can't judge emotions, but I find shame such a complicated emotion to deal with. And when it comes for me, it's almost alway covering another much more constructive emotions. Do you think you could try getting 'beneath' the shame feeling? It works for me. Sorry if this answer is a bit confusing, but it's such a complicated emotion and hard to explain.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of. We all came into this world as equal beings and we can choose to be good or bad. I think you are a good person and if so you have nothing to be ashamed of! Not even the mistakes everyone makes.

Sundaymorning, you and Alone in the world, brought up "something beneath the feelings of shame". i replied to Alone in the world, that it had not occurred to me. i plan to address this in my journal today. i will post what i discover at a later date. This will take some time. Thank you for your input nevertheless.