[RomanSunburn]

I don't normally post over here, so I apologize for not being able to offer much support myself... But lately, I've been really struggling. It feels like I'll have a really good week, where I get up every day and I feel like I have energy and can be productive. And then, I don't know, something happens... And it all switches, and I go back to sleeping all the time.

I'm taking meds. Well, I haven't taken them for a week, but I have my pdoc on Wednesday. I'm not convinced my meds were working. I don't really like who I am on the meds and I don't really like who I am off the meds either. My T is on leave until Feb. 1st or thereabouts. I'm thinking about starting a group until she comes back, but at the same time, I'm a little worried because I"m supposed to start my new semester next week, and I don't want to overwhelm myself with too many things to do.

I'm mostly just sick of the switching back and forth. It's like I can't trust myself to be consistent, and it's killing me. Last night, I kept saying this week will be better. This week will be a good week. I made muffins last night, and did laundry and homework. I mean, what week can go bad when it starts off with muffins, right? But I slept all day today, and I'm angry with myself. Which I also realize isn't helping at all. I'm just frustrated and tired of trying to figure out how to give myself that kick in the pants I need to get moving every day.

I guess I just needed to vent a little, and feel heard by others that understand what i"m going through.

[mazing]

I can understand how hard it must be but you have done really well I know it is easy to focus on the bad of today but look at yesterday - getting that much done is a great achievement. Focus on the little things - you needed to sleep today but try and do 1-2 little things tomorrow.

I know it can be hard, but it takes small steps Unfortunately it isn't going to all change overnight. But it can get easier over time. This week focus on 1-2 things a day (or every 2nd day if that is all you can manage). Next week try doing 2-3 things. Slowly build it up. It takes time and is difficult but it does get better

[Leed]

Hi Roman ~ I'm so sorry you're struggling. It sounds like your meds aren't working, like you said. But you STILL should be taking them daily as prescribed. How long have you been on them? If it hasn't been very long, it's possible they haven't had a change to start working. Some meds take awhile to even START working. It depends on the medication. There are some that can take up to 6 weeks to even BEGIN to work -- so people think that they aren't going to work and they quit taking them. Doctors don't tell them that they have to wait 6 weeks. So yours might be one of them. Keep taking them.

If you've had them longer than that, tell your doc that they aren't working and you need a change. I'm sure he'll change to something else. But keep talking to us. You're in the right place. We'll be here to listen. Depression is a horrible disease, and it effects every aspect of your life. Plus it effects everyone around you too. So hang on. We've got your back until your pdoc gets back. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[GreyThinker]

"I made muffins last night, and did laundry and homework. I mean, what week can go bad when it starts off with muffins, right? But I slept all day today, and I'm angry with myself."

Muffins are good, and laundry and housework are good.... and then you had to sleep the next day... ok. But that is the way it is sometimes. Don't beat yourself up over the low times..of course, that doesn't mean you have to wallow, either . But sometimes bad days follow good days, and if you need to sleep, then sleep. Make that sleepy day work for you, so you can be good for the day after that. You did real good once, you will get there again when you are ready.

[RomanSunburn]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I really appreciate it.

I've been taking my meds since April or May, so it's not that I haven't given them a chance. And I know not taking them wasn't a very good idea. But I think it's how I assert my authority over medications, if that makes any sense. Plus, I was running out, and about to see my pdoc, so I kind of felt like 'Well, if I'm going to get new meds, I don't really want to get a month's refill..." I also sometimes just feel the need to sort of "check" myself.. to compare myself on and off meds every once in awhile... I'm a little paranoid of meds ever since I spent five years, uninterrupted on them, and couldn't tell which way was up...

Anyways, today, I feel a little better. I talked to my mom in the morning, and took a shower tonight. Not much, but hopefully it's a start. My mood is a little better too... Tomorrow I have pdoc at 9 in the morning and my mom is going to call me in the morning to help me wake up. Then I have a skype date with a friend in the afternoon. And if I have any energy left, hopefully I'll go to a ballet class in the evening. And while I"m at pdoc, I'll schedule an appointment with T for when she gets back.

I'm hoping when my new school semester starts, and I have some place to be twice a week, I'll feel a little better and get out of the house more. I think part of my problem right now is I don't have anything I HAVE to be doing.

What do you guys think.. Should I look into a support group until my T gets back? Or do you think that might be trying to take on too much at once? Starting two classes and a support group?

Thanks again for the kind words. I really needed them.

[turquoisesea]

((((Sunburn))))))

I'm sorry you've been struggling too - but it's ok to struggle. And you WILL get better. It can be hard to believe that and fight for that every day but you can and will

I think a support group is a good idea - it would keep your mind on getting better and give you and outlet. I personally haven't tried group sessions so can't tell from personal experience but from everything I've heard an dfrom what you're saying about you right now it seems right.

can you talk to your pdoc about med switch or reduction?

[GreyThinker]

A support group can't help, at least for now till next semester starts. If you find it gets too much once you have studies as well, you can always explain to the group and just go when you have time. I have discovered through life that very little is not reversible! .. I used to go through life thinking whatever I did had to be forever, but now I am a lot more flexible with my timetable. It really helps to have a 'bendy' attitude .

[RomanSunburn]

Well, I made it to my pdoc appointment. After being thoroughly scolded for stopping my meds, she switched one of my meds. I am a little upset though. I finally got health insurance through my husband's new job. I'm probably going to have to find a new pdoc and T. This really, really bothers me. I have had sooo many T's, and this is first one I've ever found that I actually connect with and that actually helps me. As it is, I can't see her until Feb. (I made an appointment, Feb 1st), and who knows, that could be my last appointment... I have to call and reschedule my GP appointment, so hopefully I can talk to them about all of this when I see my new doctor... But this also means I probably can't join a group at my old mental health center... I'll have to look around...

Anyways, the big thing, is I actually made it out of the house and to my appointment and got my meds changed. All good things. Now to start feeling better.. I hope?

Thanks again for all the kind words. They really do help.

[GreyThinker]

Originally Posted by GreyThinker

A support group can't help, at least for now till next semester starts.

Arghh!! so sorry, meant to say "A support group can't HURT"....