great news

ok first off with the bad news, im single. my ex posted that yesterday and i thought we broke up in december.... lol

NOW THE GOOD NEWS!!!! IM SO HAPPY!!!

so i went to the doctor yesterday and today.
yesterday for my bi-polar. today for my medical.
i talked to the doctor and he said that he would be seeing me soon. once the government decides, i told him i have no insurence and that is why im fileing for SSDI .... so he said "out of context" that i am disibiled and most likely going to get it.....

this makes me happy when for the past 3 months i have been down and out and almost very suicidal ... and with today it made today good... im happy that a doctor can say that i can get help. i been fighting so hard on my own for this. my determination date is march 3rd .... i cant wait...

oh happy day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations!

its not easy to get disability from the government. I hope this will give you prolonged peace of mind. If nothing else, you will have more energy to deal with your illness now that you don't have to worry about where your next paycheck is coming from!

Sam2

i just hope it comes though soon!!!

just an update, im still depressed over my ex, i cant seem to think straight. i have meet some new friends and this girl i kinda like. but i am so conflicted. so its not gonna go anywhere. sigh. im just waiting for next month....

I'm glad there is a little light at the end of the tunnel for you, not long to wait now. Hugs ((( james )))

im gonna take a break from the forums go try some stuff and get my mind right.
i think coming here and seeing my ex and seeing her struggle where i cant help her ... that hurts that i cant help.. so im gonna leave for awhile.

but im working again im doing well in my church and i get my first disibity check in apr or may .... i still hate my life and still miss my ex. but she has to be an adult and so do i.

i moved into a girls house then on the 27th i go to MO for my best friends graduation ..... im doing a lot worse... i miss my ex. and think of her each night and its getting worse for me.... i gotta find a real job.... i have no internet im at my moms for the next hour but im dreaming of my ex... sigh... my triggers are bad when i get on here so i wont be around much spent 2 weeks off of here.....

Hang in there James!!

Just an update I have a new cell... I'm sitting in the hospital for 2 days now... my health is bad and I'm alone. I didn't tell then how I felt. My heart is giving out. I blame myself thinking of my ex. I'm shaking and scared in this hospital all I can say is I'm sorry.. broken hearts can kill

Ok so I called and I got my ssdi... getting a car in 3 weeks.

I would do anything to get my cathrine back....

James, I hear you that it hurts. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it's not going to happen. There are more attainable things to which to commit yourself that deeply. How about, "I will do ANYTHING to get healthy, well and independent"?

She was someone I wanted to share the world with if I'm independent I rather distroy the world. She would be pissed at what I have become and am becoming. I'm no longer good enough for compaionship. I'm being used for my money now. Friends that just want my money but at least I have friends right?

You can always change. If you choose to change for *yourself*, you will not run the risk of having your reason for change taken away from you.

Your money is yours. You have all the power over it. The choices are in your hands.

Thanks but I can't change myself. I lack the strength in that aspect. I just want to go back to black and white thinking. This grey area is getting me down.

Also I have some good news. My first road trip is coming up I will be on the road the 27th and 28th. I am going to do what I do best and that's drive ... it makes me happy. Plus I might go to Houston texas next month to meet someone who I hate. Then go to Pennsylvania and new jersey to visit my half sisters and my dads grave. And pick up some of my cloths. April will be a big month for me. Then may I get my apartment and life wherever I like.

I hope you have a nice trip.

RJ

well i live in 20 mins i keep dreaming of my ex hurting me... didnt sleep well.... all i can see is that black top.... i will be on I 44 heading NORTHEAST then in 2 weeks i should be northbound on I95 the week after that i will be Southbound on I35....... im hitting the road at 8:15 CST ..... so i need to be gone in 4 mins.... i love you all... i love my ex cathy... and im going to see some friends on my trip.... 24k in my pocket.... hey cathy if u read this.... im no longer in one place.....

Ok I'm pissed off... because acording to ssi I'm married to my ex....

Its a good night went to church. First time this year. Social security called me and I get my back pay this upcoming week. Soon I will be back on medication . I get medicaid for 2 years then medicare. Looks like I will be making close to 1100 $ a month. Backpay gos to december of 2010. So I might not be on for a few weeks. I also fixed it where my ex is no longer on my ssi. Took me 2 days to get her off and I been dreaming about her non stop.

I guess this is one of my final posts. I want to thank everyone but I'm a little beyound help.I just got half of my backpay of 20 thousand so I'm getting a car and so I have money and I'm travling. I'm only on my heart meds and they bumped me from 10mg to 100mg twice a day... the doctors don't know what's wrong with my heart. Looks like I'm outta friends and outta time... in the last male in my bloodline. I'm the last gill child. And my name is raymond james gill v I went by james so people wouldent know me.

Well guys and girls this is my 50th post. My mood latly has been good I got my back pay from ssi. I'm getting it at small chunks at a time. I have been drinking a little more then I should and have not been going to church other then for easter. I still think of cathy and how much she means to me still its going on 4 months. I got a new tattoo something that means something to me and my ex it took some money and time its only half done but once it heals I can go get the color in it. Its a koi dragon and I got it for my life and daughter that I lost or son. The koi dragon has a lot of meaning to it. I spent roughly 400$ on it. If anyone would like to see it I could post some pictures.

Post 51 I called the suicide hotline... might call again... I been drinking.. my uncle james is about to die and I'm heading to tn...... I been drinking the last 3 or 4 hours on my 2nd bottle of whisky. ... I got this girl interested in me... I can't live my life like this. If my uncle james dies then I'm headed to tn.... after the funeral and such I'm going to mental health. .... instead of driving my life away I'm drinking it away..... sigh I need help... from my ex and from my dad.... I wish someone could understand me like cathy did...