[Girl-Interrupted]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place ....i couldnt find where it went :/

I cant do it ....what i mean is i cant cope ...with life...with the way i look...with memories....with anything,im hurting myself on the outside just to kill the things on the inside,not able to sleep but when i do manage to im waking up wishing to no longer be here,...why does suicide feel like the only way out ?the world will be so much better without me here ,i have no hope and i cant take it anymore...am i a bad person for wanting to die ?i dont feel good enough for anything ...the scars on my body are reminding me of why i did them in the first place and that makes it even harder to think about all the things that have happend and to not be able to get them out of my mind they just keep going around and around....I have a secret that i havent told anyone about ...im so scared to tell them because im scared of what they will think of me and the fact that i cant tell anyone ...is making living even harder...all i can do right now is cry ...it seems the only thing i know , ..its getting too hard to even get through one day ...i feel like my time is running out ..i am a mistake ..i feel like im too tired to fight anymore ...why does it have to be so painful ?i feel so empty ,there is no light ,no hope,all i can see is darkness...i cant relax i feel so anxious all the time...i feel like i am lost and dont know where to look to find myself...TOO MUCH NOISE...TOO MANY THOUGHTS ....when i look in the mirror i dont recognise the peson looking back.......

[Rohag]

Hello, Girl-Interrupted. You've been feeling very low - much lower than usual - for a few days now, yes?

I'm sorry about your grandfather. That loss on top of everything else...

Sure, you lack any feeling of personal worth, but I hope you can find the strength to do something good for you regardless of how you judge yourself. Is it possible to call someone who will listen and perhaps provide a place or a way for you to rest?

Please keep posting.

[adam_k]

I know what you mean. Sometimes life feels like it is full of misery and pain. I still don't think suicide is the way out. It may end your suffering, but it will spread all the pain and misery to everyone that cares about you. That's what I am telling myself anyway. I'm sitting here at my desk and that is all I can think about right now. I need to go take a shower and go to bed, but I don't want to be alone. At least with my wife sitting at her computer next to me, I won't brazenly kill myself.

I'm sitting her looking at a knife, wondering if I should cut myself. Would that make me feel any better? I doubt it. I would feel numb for a while, but it wouldn't improve my life any. I have so much anger directed towards myself. Sometimes, I can't even look at myself. What is sad is I was feeling good this morning. I was starting to like myself, and happy I lot ten pounds eating healthy and exercising, instead of starving myself. Now I am in the midst of despair again and I don't see the way out. My self esteem has plummeted.

My only hope is that tomorrow will be better than today. I hope that I can face the problems that seem overwhelming to me at the moment. Money, work, school, marriage. I don't think there will ever be a shortage of problems. My only hope is that I find strength and continue to face them. Otherwise I have failed. If I lose hope then there is nothing left. If I were to give up, then it will spread all this misery I have and then some to everyone who cared that I ever existed. A wife who relies on me everyday, who loves me even though I get miserably depressed. A mother who has a son that didn't turn out to be a drug addict and loser, and even graduated college in the face of adversity. A little sister that looks up to me. A mother in law who loves me like her own child. A father in law who respects me. It is an honor to be respected by an honorable man such as him. A dog who best joy is seeing me walk through the door everyday. For these people I keep fighting these feelings of despair and push on towards tomorrow. I have to be strong for them and face life. Sometimes that means being strong and facing things. Sometimes that means crying, but to always fight the feels of self destruction. One day I know I will feel joy and happiness again, and I can't give up hope for that.

If things are really bad for you Girl-Interrupted, Please seek help. Call a friend, call family that can help, or call 911. I've tried suicide twice and it is not a solution for what I was feeling at the time. There is no shame in wanting to die, but please get help.

[Girl-Interrupted]

everything seems pointless just ready to give iin

[smmath]

Girl-Interrupted, i know that times are hard but they will get better. do you have a friend or therapist who you can confide in? for me it helps to talk out what i'm feeling with someone. it also helps to talk to someone on this site...just to talk about things. i also know for a fact that you ARE worthy of help and support. your life matters.

keep yourself safe and please talk to someone....you can pm me if you want :-) Hang in there! and many many hugs your way.

--Sam

[smmath]

Originally Posted by Girl-Interrupted

everything seems pointless just ready to give iin

please don't. you are sooo strong and i know you can get through this. every single person here and plenty in your life do not want you to hurt yourself or worse. you are also not pointless... these trying times will make you stronger and then you will be better for going through stuff.

--Sam

[Girl-Interrupted]

I have a mental health worker who i talk to but i havent seen her in 3 weeks and she isnt here this week ,she is back next week ....today is ....i feel so low ...been thinking about hmm i dont know if i am allowed to say it here without it being tip sharing ...thanks for you comments x

[avlady]

I love you- if that matters girl -interrupted. I say that because you are important to everyone weather you know it or not.My sister committed suicide by hanging herself over 20 years ago, I always wonder about different things as i wasn't there, but to put it bluntley, don't do it. if i was there to tell her i loved her maybe she wouldn't have done it. i was also suicidal sometimes, but when i see how many people she hurt, especially my mother, i just go through the feeling of what it would feel like to really be dead, which would not be anywhere anybody has ever been -on the other side- of which there could be countless more bad stuff that could happen. just please don't do it because i will be so hurt, i don't even know if i could handle another person killing themselves, especially all of my friends from here. Lots of Love-Avlady

[Girl-Interrupted]

Thanks for your comment really means alot and im so sorry to hear about your sister x

Really not doing good right now

Originally Posted by Girl-Interrupted

Thanks for your comment really means alot and im so sorry to hear about your sister x

Really not doing good right now

Stay connected here Girl-Interupted. I and many others truly care about the way you are feeling. Life is hard, it is difficult and scary. To be able to put into words what you are feeling,I would hope will give you the strength to keep saying what is inside your heart, keep expressing your sadness and your feelings of hopelessness , hugs and warm thoughts will be here for you.

[Leed]

Honey, you are NOT a mistake. Don't EVER think that. And how in the name of God would the world be better off without you? Can you please tell me how? That isn't true at all !!

GOD PUT YOU HERE FOR A REASON -- and sweetie, it's up to you to find what that reason is. It's the same for all of us. For some of us, it takes us many many years to figure out what our reason is. I figured out mine several years ago -- it's to TRY to help people online. I can't do it in "real life" because I'm disabled. I've always wanted to help people, but then I became disabled -- previously I worked in an eye doctors office, so I was instrumental in helping people SEE. That was a GAS. But now I can't work at all. My only option is online. Perhaps YOU can help people online too!!! You just have to decide WHAT you want to do.

You have a secret -- well, you need to talk to a professional about that secret. You need to be in THERAPY. That is the place to discuss that secret. It NEEDS to be talked about!!! You cannot keep that secret inside forever because it's EATING YOU UP. You have GOT to tell someone, and it should be a therapist. Can you get into therapy? You should be in NOW. You need it badly, honey. Even if you have Medicaid, they will pay for therapy.

So my dear friend, get into therapy and you'll be on your way to healing. Right now you're struggling much too much, and you need some help. The help you need is much more than we can give you here. I hope you'll make the call tomorrow and make an appointment!

Take care sweetie and God bless you! Big hugs, Lee

[Girl-Interrupted]

Thanks for you comment ...the reason i feel like the world would be better off without me is because so many people have told me that im better off dead and that i should kill myself ...it makes me feel like people dont want me here and like i am upsetting people while i am still alive....
I am under a mental health team who i talk to but they arnt really helping ....i am supposed to be starting Pyschology soon...
Thankyou for you comment it really means alot ...and i know that there isnt alot that you guys can do for me ...it just helps to know that i have people i can talk to about things xx

[RJ78]

Hi G-I.

People will say things and do things, but almost always this has nothing to do with who we are as a person. You're here and from the comments I've seen, we want you to stay among us here at PC. We're people and we care about you. I want you here.

RJ

[wishingtobegentle]

Yes, everyone wants you to stay.

[Girl-Interrupted]

Thankyou that means alot ...but today i was to do something serious to myself

[Nammu]

Hey, We met yesterday in chat. You wanted to talk but it was kind of crazy in there. That was only my second time in chat, I asked how to go private but no one said. I'm having a really hard time too but one of the things I've learned is when things seem really bad I give myself 24 more hours before I do any thing, always, and then 24 more hours. No matter how bad things are its never really as bad as our illness tries to convince us it is. Our illnesses tells us things are blacker than black, that the void of space is empty--but it's not. There is hope, the illness will not let us see that when we are in it's grip. However it is there. I've been on this ride before, things do get better.

Call your team tell them just how deep and desperate your illness is.
keep going to chat.
Keep posting here.
Find other things to distract you.
Just give yourself 24 more hours, then 24 more.

Take care

[Sadley]

Hi...I really am not sure what to say but I'm so sorry you have to suffer so much...it is painful to read what you said. I feel the hopelessness and despair you feel, can't find yourself, and I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day trying to find myself and I didn't see nothing either. I wish I could just take all your pain away.

[sandworm]

dear girl Interrupted.... i have a rule number three: YOU be good.....................to you. / go have some fun, spoil yourself. HUGS, relate to good, kind, loving people and stay away from these poisoners of the mind.

[Girl-Interrupted]

Thankyou guys for your comments they really mean alot ...im struggling so so much right now but i feel selfish that i have made this thread because i feel like i am not worth support right now x

[adam_k]

I think you are worth support. Everyone struggles and needs some kind words and support sometimes. People care about you and want you to be safe and happy. I hope things pick up for you and let us be there for you.

[Girl-Interrupted]

thankyou means alot ....i hurt myself tonight and my head ius playing up ive got really bad thoughts cant get them to change x

[adam_k]

Are you ok? Do you need to go to the hospital? Please don't hurt yourself anymore. Please get help. You don't have to feel this way forever.

[Girl-Interrupted]

Feel like hurt myself more im not ok but i dont need to go to the hospital i will just be wasting there time ...im worthless

[adam_k]

I don't think you are worthless. I think it is all of these feelings that you can't cope with at the moment making you feel this way. I think your life has value and I don't want to see you hurt yourself.

[Girl-Interrupted]

walked out of school today ....it all got too much