[Flinty]

Hi All,
My name is Flinty, I am 26 a suffering from depression.
I am struggling with my life as I am overweight & very unhappy about it, but my lack of self esteem creates a vicious circle, that at times, it feels like I'm never going to be the person I want & know I deserve to be!!!

how about taking some small steps. walk about 6 blocks tomorrow and increase it by a couple of blocks every day.......exercise helps with depression BIG TIME>..........see how that works and then perhaps make some more changes......do you see a therapist?

[Flinty]

Hi fayerody,
I am in the process of changing my life, loosing weight etc.... I do try to exercise as much as possible, but I can be so lazy!!! I don't see a therapist, but I have in the past.

[abbidy]

Hey,
It's really great that you are trying to shake up the mix! That is really how to help depression get lost. I live in a really small house, and the kitchen is always right next to the t.v. I have found that moving my things around, having less clutter and new drapes, I made, has really helped. It has lifted my spirits. I also find taking a little time for myself everyday, just for myself, is so important. Exercise is great, and one step at a time, you will find you really do feel better.
Abbidy

[Fuzzybear]

Hey Flinty,
Welcome to PC! It's great that you are making those changes .... a good way to bite depression back in the butt and to tell it to go and bug someone else

A therapist would help too, but you probably already know that!

Keep posting, looking forward to hearing more,
xo Fuzzy

[jacq10]

Hey flinty!

Welcome to pc! I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now, but you have come to the right place! I am a new member myself, and people here have already been so supportive. Feel free to message me anytime.

Jacqueline

[heartspace]

Hi and welcome flinty

[Sabrina]

Welcome Flinty!

I am sorry about your pain and suffering ... please know that if you choose to continue posting .. that you have found a wonderfully supportive place!

I wish you the very best.

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome Flinty. I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I hope you get some relief from everyone here.

I too am struggling with a recent weight gain (last 3 yrs.or so I've put on 50 lbs.). Last night my husband told me he is no longer interested in me sexually (which I knew--we haven't had sex for 2 mos. & we used to be very sexual). I felt incredibly hurt. I also have low self esteem & am bipolar so this sent me into a really depressed & sad mood. I was crying so hard & feeling so bad that I wanted some relief so I took 7 Xanax (supposed to only take 2 at night) & drank a bottle of wine. It wasn't a suicide attempt (I don't think or I would have taken lots more pills). I just wanted to pass out & not feel the hurt. I didn't pass out & continued the crying so my husband questioned me as to what I had done. I told him & he took me to the ER. I don't remember much after that. I must have blacked out. I think I was released after about 6 hrs. They said my blood alcohol was 1.75 which seems awfully high from drinking a bottle of wine, but I don't know too much about blood alcohol.

Anyway, I'm still feeling hurt today & angry, too. It's 1:30 & I haven't eaten yet. Maybe if I just don't eat, I will start to feel better about myself & feel in control more. My husband says he loves all the other aspects of me, but I question that, because I don't think someone who loves you would hurt you like that. He knows how sensitive I am about my weight & I've been trying to diet without much success (one of my medications increases my appetite, plus I quit smoking & entered menopause). I exercise a lot, though.

Anyway, he's gone to work & to play tennis & I'm here drinking a diet Coke & not feeling that great. Just yesterday I was hypo-manic & feeling really good & that comment has brought me down.

[Flinty]

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling at the moment Suzy5654, I too used to be a very sexual person, but I also feel horrible about my weight, my partner & I are going through all kinds of issues, coz I lack the motivation to make a move in the bedroom, which hurts my partner, coz he believes I'm not interested in him sexually anymore, which could not be further from the truth, I just hate my body so much!!!
I am trying to get better, but everytime I feel like I'm back on track, my partner gets upset with me & then the blame game starts!!
Sounds like you & I could work together to find our sexuallity again & to keep our partners interested!!

Flinty

Flinty, he's pretty disgusted with my weight (about 50 lbs. gained in the last 3 yrs. or so). He doesn't want to have anything to do with me sexually. I haven't been in therapy for about 4 yrs. due to feeling so much better (have bp) on the drugs, but I will call today to get back in. My husband suggested he go with me or would be willing to go on his own if the therapist thought that would be best. Right now I don't think I could talk honestly in front of him cuz I'm still feeling so vulnerable & hurt.

I know some of it goes back to my father who was obsessed with looks. My mother was very beautiful physically & after she died he wouldn't even talk about her illness (bp) or her suicide. He just said she was so beautiful--she didn't seem beautiful to me cuz she was abusive to us kids, plus she was just plain scary. He left us alone with her a lot despite knowing her diagnosis & behaviors, but he was an alcoholic so he wasn't exactly focussed on us kids.

I married a man who is very focussed on looks, too, as was his mother. I think he may have learned it from her so he REALLY can't accept my weight. It goes against a basic belief of his that a big part of a women's worth is beauty & I don't have that anymore.

I'm still crying today, but not so much that I'd do the Xanax & alcohol thing again.

[heartspace]

Take good care of yourself Suzy: not eating won't help. I think it's great your hubs is willing to go to the therapist with you. And it will do you good to go back, by the sounds of it, and address some of the issues that have been troubling you lately. But no starving yourself, ya hear? Remember, a lot of larger women are beautiful. Besides, how does your hubs expect to cope when you're 80? We all lose our looks to some extent, so he'd better start getting used to loving you for who you are, rather than how you look.
Flinty, have you spoken with your husband about how you're feeling about your body? You may well discover that although you feel unattractive, he still finds you desirable. If you can manage to make a move, you might find your intimacy getting back on track.
{{{Flinty/Suzy}}}

Thanks for the post. It is nice to have someone care. I really don't have any friends cuz I isolated myself so much during the bad parts of my illness. I do have some maybe "friends" in a support group I go to, but I couldn't talk to them about this "episode" cuz I'm so ashamed & embarrassed about what I did Sat. night.

I don't think I would feel comfortable with my husband seeing my therapist. I would be afraid she might reveal something about me accidentally that I don't want him to know (the depth of my hurt, for example). I just don't want him to know how vulnerable I am.

Waiting for the therapist to call me back & I'll, hopefully, start to feel better & stronger soon. Right now you can tell I'm like an immature little kid--so there--I just won't eat at all if you are so concerned about my weight kind of attitude.

I went to my therapist today. She was very nice & put me in right away. She thinks I'm playing with fire by allowing myself to be hypo-manic since April, that I'm on the edge where I could do rash, dangerous behavior (like Sat. night) & not be in control of myself. She wants me to see my meds provider to see if she wants to adjust dosages, etc. I really don't want to go, because I'm so ashamed of what I did & I also don't want to let go of the hypo-mania. It feels so good to have all this energy & feelings of excitement, but I'll have to monitor myself to see if I do anymore "crazy" stuff--then I'll have to go get checked out further.

[heartspace]

Glad to hear it went well suzy.