Awfully depressed.

My state of mind has been getting worse. This is really bad. My family is not close. I don't have a spouse or children. Parents are deceased. I've left some messages for a sister who lives thousands of miles away. Not heard back this eve . . . maybe tomorrow.

I wish I were dead.

The latest thing is not being able to sleep more than about 2 hours at a time. The fatigue today has been awful. My one friend, a S/O whom I used to live with, is sick of me moaning about not feeling alright. So I came back to my place this eve. It's better not to feel his scorn.

I see no way to escape awful isolation.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. Do you friends that you can talk to or see a therapist?

No friends to talk to. No therapist.

I've been losing hope. I think about suicide.

Hi Rose ~ Sorry you're having a rough evening. Poor Baby It's okay. The good news is the day is over, you don't have to be anywhere & can do something for you tonight. Is there anything you like to do when you are on your own?
If I sound too chipper you can tell me to shove it,(!) it's okay. I don't offend easily...
I know how it feels to be lonely like you sound...I'm around if you want to msg...

Oh honey! Please don't kill yourself. I was in that state too just recently that I wanted to kill myself at least 4 times I made suicide attempts. The last one was March 7th and I spend in the hospital for 2 weeks. I have Lupus, a blood clotting disorder(probably relating to the lupus) and depression. I'm seeing a therapist now and she helps me a lot. I think a Therapist will be good for you too. Sending hugs and kisses to you. <3 I'm here if you need a little ear. Take care dear!

There is nothing I want to do except get somewhere that I could be around someone familiar. I've left phone messages for a sister. I thought I could possibly stay with her. Even that doesn't give me much hope. My family was torn with so much strife that no one really is friendly with anyone. But what I'm going through is inhuman.

People screen their phone calls now. They see who it is and decide whether it is someone worth their time. My sister wouldn't answer. I have another sister. I don't believe she will answer, either. A few weeks ago, I called a brother. He was terribly mean.

My S/O is disgusted with me for being depressed. I'm abandoned. He yelled at me twice today. I have to give up on him.

1You should call ur pdoc
(Get one if you don't have one)
2 Consider joining a support group
3 Have a 24 hr helpline you can call
4 Consider therapy

Sending you peace and good vibes

Thanks Coco. Unfortunately, I don't have a trusting relationship with my pdoc. He pretty nice, but he's a new doc. (maybe that's good.) At times, when I've been really a mess - like before Christmas - I was not very nice to him. I don't know if he is still turned off by that.

I think I should go back to some support group. I will try.

In my community, there is an excellent 26 hour helpline, and I am very grateful to the volunteers there who are beyond amazing.

Years of therapy became just a source of frustration to me. After many years, I was just hearing the same things over and over. Therapists have, sometimes, said hurtful things to me.

I thank you for the feedback.

The support I've received from all of you, above, is much appreciated. It has made today more survivable.

Hey, if you need to talk, I am here. You can message me if you want. Please know that your life is important.

I managed to improve a lot. Support of you all helped. I even bought a plain ticket to see family far away who I've been missing. I started getting happy about that and thought I was better.

Well, last night I went downhill again. I am very nervous about seeing my family. I am very nervous about leaving my S/O on his own. Basically, I am having anxiety attacks that are ferocious. It leads to awful dark thoughts, though I'm not in any danger. I just am desperate to cope with life again more normally. This has been going on since October. I'm afraid when I get to my destination, I will seem like a drip to everyone there. My functioning has become badly impaired by relentless anxiety.