[ScathachWarrior]

The last week I've been pretty well. It was a great week, for more reasons than it being the end of a few months of almost constant depression. I know it'll come back, but I'm appreciating the good days.

I've been rather sad today. I've become quite close to someone. He makes me happy, makes me feel safe, knows what to say to calm me down when I need it. But he's made it quite clear, before we even became close, that he's not interested in a relationship with anyone. I'm worried if I tell him how I really feel about him it'll scare him off. I guess it doesn't matter either way. Maybe scaring him off would be best, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

[Kittyluver]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

I know for me weekends in general are more difficult....and 3-day holiday weekends tend to be worse, but I'm gonna try to let go of all that and make these days okay. Here's hoping for the best And for anyone really struggling right now I pray something will turn around for you asap ~whimsy

Yeah, I'm with you on this one. I have been just ripping myself apart all day. I feel like such a loser, I don't have a single friend and I keep thinking about all the normal happy people out there having fun with their friends and family.

I tried to get out there but I just end up driving aimlessly because nothing sounds like fun...except hanging out with friends... The friends I don't have.

How on earth can a 3 day weekend feel like a hell?

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Bark

I'm still awake, and I only just took my medication. Why am I doing this to myself?

Breath & remember mindfulness.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by ScathachWarrior

I've been rather sad today. I've become quite close to someone. He makes me happy, makes me feel safe, knows what to say to calm me down when I need it. But he's made it quite clear, before we even became close, that he's not interested in a relationship with anyone. I'm worried if I tell him how I really feel about him it'll scare him off. I guess it doesn't matter either way. Maybe scaring him off would be best, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

So sorry you're hurting, and that things aren't working out as you would like with the guy you care about. A few thoughts. Ultimately you are really the only person who can make yourself feel happy, or safe, or calm. While someone else may provide these feelings for you at times, the reality is that people come and go in our lives, but we will always be left with ourselves. If you are depending on someone else to provide these things you are at a disadvantage as you go through life. It's wonderful if certain people promote good feelings, etc....but to continue a relationship for that reason, if it goes against making wise decisions for your emotional health can be dangerous. And as for scaring him off...no relationship that is based on wishful thinking and not the truth of things can be healthy. Please believe me when I say that I've been there and done that more than I care to admit, and while it may work for a while, in the end things tend to crumble when they are built on wishes and not realities. You, and all of us deserve to be loved and cherished by the person who returns all of our fond feelings, and I hope you find that person soon ~whimsy

[angryworld]

Made myself feel sick by eating too much. Feeling hopeless. Worst feeling of all no hope for change. It's like everything can only become worse.
:'(

[herethennow]

i'm reaching burnout soon. caring for another depressed friend, and a friend who has mental health issues, and another who is bullied... and i can't take care of myself. i'm scared this will lead me to where i think it will: hospitalisation.

i'm tired.

[Bark]

Don't feel like studying or packing. Meh.

[Hellion]

Cool, I might not get the state assistance I really need while waiting on SSI....If it turns out that way psych ward it is because I can't take anymore crushing disappointments when all I need is a little f****** help.

[bluedolphin92]

I've been better, but I've also been worse. I suppose I'll survive. Still coping with this thing with this guy. He still wants to be friends and hasn't completely ruled out the possibility of a relationship once I graduate college and am able to move away from home (He just said that he couldn't say one way or the other but not to get my hopes up. I guess that's the best response I could have hoped for). Hopefully I'll be able to get over the pain from that fairly quickly, but I'll probably always have some feelings for him. I've had feelings for him for quite awhile and they've only grown deeper with time. I guess I'll just have to learn how to move on while still holding on to some tiny glimmer of hope somewhere inside my heart.

As much as it hurts to hear the response I got from him, I feel better than I did before when I was struggling with trying to figure out how he felt. I still feel depressed like I have for awhile now, but that was adding even more of a burden to it so it's good to have that off my chest.

[Bark]

I think the stress of the past few days and bad sleeping habits and all has caught up to me. At least, that's what I'm hoping. That I'm feeling a little depressed now because I'm feeling overwhelmed, and that it's something that will go away. Still, I'm forcing myself to pack (I have to be out by tonight) and I've all but given up on the papers. When I'm in this state of mind (that I wished I'd never be in again), my mind just closes up. It's like a headache but not a headache, but I feel like my brain's pressing against my skull.

What do I do about tomorrow... hand in what I have and hope it's worth at least a passing grade, or ask for an incomplete? Or both?

I'm going to hope that my mind frees up, and I can actually write, and maybe not finish, but get a decent amount done.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by bluedolphin92

I guess I'll just have to learn how to move on while still holding on to some tiny glimmer of hope somewhere inside my heart.

Hi bluedolphin....My heart goes out to you, it really does. I am the queen of holding on to "glimmers of hope", and I'm here to tell you that it's usually not a good idea. Just a few thoughts from someone who's been there and done that. Of course your heart can still be open to this person, but the truth is that it's not really possible to move forward fully while in any way holding on to the past, or dreams of how you wish things were. I understand the urge to think that maybe some day things might be different, but then again maybe they never will, and you....like all of us....deserve to be cared about and cherished by someone who's "all in" Wishing you the best of luck going forward ~whimsy

Yesterday was not much of a day for me other than the usual stuff. My sister called me in the afternoon at a good time for me for a change. After talking for about 10 minutes, she suddenly had to cut off. Her daughter was having some kind of problem. I don't know what it was. For goodness sakes, she's 17 years old! I thought that it was very rude for my sister to had to cut out like that. Sad to say that she and I are the only ones in the family that are getting along and yet I feel like she and I are becoming more separated. So that had sent me into a deep depression.

I saw a good movie last night. That's the only thing that went right for me. I went to the pool area at where I live. It was fairly crowded, but full of cliquey people.

I woke up this morning feeling very down. I hope that today will be better.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Bark

I think the stress of the past few days and bad sleeping habits and all has caught up to me. At least, that's what I'm hoping. That I'm feeling a little depressed now because I'm feeling overwhelmed, and that it's something that will go away. Still, I'm forcing myself to pack (I have to be out by tonight) and I've all but given up on the papers. When I'm in this state of mind (that I wished I'd never be in again), my mind just closes up. It's like a headache but not a headache, but I feel like my brain's pressing against my skull.

What do I do about tomorrow... hand in what I have and hope it's worth at least a passing grade, or ask for an incomplete? Or both?

I'm going to hope that my mind frees up, and I can actually write, and maybe not finish, but get a decent amount done.

Hi Bark....So sorry to hear that all this is going on with you Feeling overwhelmed is so much the theme of my life lately....it's such a hard state-of-being to deal with. Ugh. I'm just wondering if you think making a decision about what to do about the papers would help to free things up a bit? (Of course I realize that's easier said than done.) Just asking because for me I know when I'm wrestling with an important decision, and my mind is spinning about it I sometimes can't break out of the rut I'm in and start to think (and act) more clearly. Not sure if that made any sense...hopefully a little. Anyway, sending good thoughts and hugs ~whimsy

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Hi bluedolphin....My heart goes out to you, it really does. I am the queen of holding on to "glimmers of hope", and I'm here to tell you that it's usually not a good idea. Just a few thoughts from someone who's been there and done that. Of course your heart can still be open to this person, but the truth is that it's not really possible to move forward fully while in any way holding on to the past, or dreams of how you wish things were. I understand the urge to think that maybe some day things might be different, but then again maybe they never will, and you....like all of us....deserve to be cared about and cherished by someone who's "all in" Wishing you the best of luck going forward ~whimsy

Thank you for that. I suppose keeping a place open in my heart for him was what I meant more so than holding on to that glimmer of hope. I just didn't really know how to say it. I'm sure I'll move on given time, and I'm glad that he still wants to be friends and has been open with talking about all of this. That, combined with the support I can get from my friends and from this forum, should help with the process.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by will19

After talking for about 10 minutes, she suddenly had to cut off. Her daughter was having some kind of problem. I don't know what it was. For goodness sakes, she's 17 years old! I thought that it was very rude for my sister to had to cut out like that.

Hi will19....Well first of all I want to say that I'm so sorry you're feeling really down, and I hope some comfort comes as soon as possible But aside from that, reading about your sister and the phone situation I just had to add my 2 cents! I SO agree! people with bad ~rude phone manners have always been a pet peeve of mine, and when you explained what happened with this particular phone call it reminded me so much of something in my life. So I had a "close friend" (but that's another story ) who lived in New York (I'm in California), and we talked quite a bit on the phone. Me on my cell phone....equals minutes....equals money. So we'd be talking, in the middle of some deep conversation, when her 26 year old daughter would come home from work....and while I sat there on the phone would launch into the story of her day....and my friend would never say a word to her! Not that she should have to....I mean it's not like her daughter was 5 years old! Finally I just started hanging up when this happened and letting her call me back on her dime. Okay, well just thought I'd share, oh maybe I just needed to vent on this!

[ScathachWarrior]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

So sorry you're hurting, and that things aren't working out as you would like with the guy you care about. A few thoughts. Ultimately you are really the only person who can make yourself feel happy, or safe, or calm. While someone else may provide these feelings for you at times, the reality is that people come and go in our lives, but we will always be left with ourselves. If you are depending on someone else to provide these things you are at a disadvantage as you go through life. ~whimsy

I don't depend on anyone to make me feel happy or safe. Right now' he's my friend who cares very much for me and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with having a support system that will pick me up when I've shattered and can help me sort out the pieces so I can begin to put them together. Maybe I do rely on my friends, so what? We rely on each other. That's what friends are for.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by ScathachWarrior

I don't depend on anyone to make me feel happy or safe. Right now' he's my friend who cares very much for me and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with having a support system that will pick me up when I've shattered and can help me sort out the pieces so I can begin to put them together. Maybe I do rely on my friends, so what? We rely on each other. That's what friends are for.

Wow....

[optimize990h]

Some days I wish I had a physical operation to replace the mental illness.

[IcryWhoAmI]

I've been feeling so depressed today.

[gracez]

My system is messed up from not eating properly. I can't wait to be unconscious again, just waiting.

[ScathachWarrior]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Wow....

I'm... sorry. I shouldn't have... I've had other people tell me similar things before. It took me a long time to accept help from people. To let people into my life. And when I hear something like that it makes me feel like I shouldn't have. I'm really sorry.

[happy 2 b here]

Originally Posted by gracez

My system is messed up from not eating properly. I can't wait to be unconscious again, just waiting.

Hi gracez

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time -- is there anything I can say or do or talk to you about -- that could help -- I am also in my senior years and have lived with the demons of mental health issues for most of my life -- I still don't like how depression makes me feel, and I never will -- but sure would be happy to help you out -- if there is any "wisdom" another !! i could pass on to you!!

[gracez]

I feel very hopeless all the time & don't really think anything will help you see. Sounds like you must know what that is like.

That being said, yes, please, I'd appreciate any help or suggestions you have to offer. I'm always feeling so upset & on my own. Though "intellectually" I know I'm not, and appreciate everyone here on PC so much.

xxx

Gracez

[happy 2 b here]

Originally Posted by gracez

I feel very hopeless all the time & don't really think anything will help you see. Sounds like you must know what that is like.

That being said, yes, please, I'd appreciate any help or suggestions you have to offer. I'm always feeling so upset & on my own. Though "intellectually" I know I'm not, and appreciate everyone here on PC so much.

xxx

Gracez

Yes, my main issue is with depression, also -- I signed on to PC in March, also, looking for some support for myself, and feel as if I belong here with so many others who are struggling with their own mental health issues. I am a 65-year old lady -- I am struggling right now with the lack of energy, and the fatigue that comes with this pain in the butt. I am on effexor xr, and welbutrin, but am just starting a transition to, hopefully, something else, as the effexor has stopped working, and I cannot take the side effect, which is , being very hot most of the time!

Are you on any meds, gracez -- or you would rather not say -- and that is o k, too!!

[happy 2 b here]

Hi ScathachWarrior and Whimsygirl

Nice to see you here today