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#126
May 30, 2013, 12:22 PM
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 tigerlily84
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 Bark
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#127
May 30, 2013, 12:24 PM
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| tigerlily84
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#128
May 30, 2013, 12:28 PM
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Sending good thoughts your way... |
| herethennow, Rachel.i, tigerlily84
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| Bark, herethennow
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#129
May 30, 2013, 01:20 PM
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Good morning ~afternoon ~evening....Something I'm investigating after my therapist made me aware of it. Just read this article, found it to be interesting, and thought I'd pass it along in case anyone's interested. There are also videos about neuroplasticity on YouTube. (There are many, personally I recommend the ones by Rick Hanson.) Hope everyone's doing okay, or aiming for it anyway
 Gotta keep trying ~whimsy Overcoming Depression Through Neuroplasticity
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| lindammarie
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| Bark, lindammarie, Rachel.i, tigerlily84
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#130
May 30, 2013, 01:26 PM
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I slept last night. I've been getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night for the past month and a half and it's really been catching up to me the last few days. I've been living in third person mode... I have been having a hard time falling asleep and when I do I wake up really early.
Last night I went to bed at 7:30 determined to lay there for 12 hours. I drifted in and out of sleep the whole time. I feel more normal today, still tired though. |
| Bark, lindammarie, Rachel.i, tigerlily84, whimsygirl
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#132
May 30, 2013, 02:15 PM
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| lindammarie, Turtleboy
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| Turtleboy
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#133
May 30, 2013, 02:38 PM
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Apparently I have a sinus infection that got blocked up causing the right side of my face to swell up & block my vision. I'm on an anti-biotic and the doc wants me to go back tomorrow again. He also wrote down allergy meds which I already was taking, so I was on the right track. They are also really pushing psych meds but as there is no psychiatrist on my insurance and w/ my history of side effects I'm not willing to let them prescribe psych meds, they just do not know enough.
They sent a social worker nurse in to talk to me and I must have heard the pro drug rhetoric 5 times in 5 minutes. I've been on all the anti-depressants and they all cause me to become manic. Anti-psychotics are not indicated and seizure drugs don't help just leave me in a fog and some of them have really bad side effects. I'm not just being stubborn &/or antagonistic about this, I have been hospitalized from side effects and have no wish to repeat the experience. From psych meds I have had my liver compromised, had NIDS, and act on the SU impulses only when I'm drugged there's so many side effects I'm not going to list them all but it is only because I insisted on one Pdoc read the latest research on the combo of drugs she had me on that I'm even alive. I was checked into the hospital and put in ICU until they have better science to actually know what their chemicals are doing to my whole body I'm not going to just pop a pill. The one thing that is helpful-partial hospitalization is not covered so...... I do know the depression will get better, I will stop isolating when it does. Until the USA gets smarter thats just the way I have to cope w/ this. I'm doing better now than I have been, I'm back on the computer and connected that way.......it's an improvement from a couple months ago when I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed much less turn on the TV or open my computer, it may be a slow recovery but it doesn't hurt my health as badly as the drugs. All that said I did buy melatoin yesterday and between that and the allergy medication I slept for 12 hours of much needed rest. I feel sightly hung over from sleep but all in all better than I have for a long while. My face is looking much better today and my eye is opened enough to see out of, this too shall pass.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Bark, bluedolphin92, Clara22, lindammarie, Rachel.i, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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| Bark, gracez, Rachel.i, whimsygirl
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#134
May 30, 2013, 02:40 PM
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__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| lindammarie
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| lindammarie
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#135
May 30, 2013, 03:54 PM
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So angry and frustrated life is just one miserable journey.
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| Bark, bluedolphin92, Clara22, Ganymede00, gracez, herethennow, IcryWhoAmI, lindammarie, Nammu, Rachel.i, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#136
May 30, 2013, 05:21 PM
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Well, the good mood didn't last very long. Though I'm still feeling slightly better than I have been so I guess it's something.
Lately I've been consumed by the overwhelming desire to move away from home. Like, far away. Several hours away. I'm starting to really regret that I chose to go to college so close to home (My current school is only about 30-45 minutes away from home so when I'm in school I usually go home every other week). I've actually had thoughts like those in the back of my mind for quite some time now but as of late they've become overwhelming. I just keep thinking about how if I keep going to the same school it will just be more of the same. The thought of transferring actually excites me and makes me think that maybe I can break out of this cycle. But I don't know how difficult it would be to transfer at this point (half-way through college) and telling my parents would probably be the hardest part because they'd want to know why. That would probably mean explaining my depression to them.
__________________
"The rain keeps crawling down the glass. The good times never seem to last. Close your eyes and let the thought pass."
'Prodigal' by Porcupine Tree  |
| Bark, lindammarie, Rachel.i, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#138
May 30, 2013, 08:35 PM
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Not really depressed, mostly bored. No motivation to do anything today. The kids came over to visit and that was the best part. High spirits, energy, plans, let's do this, let's go here. Wish I had that still. But we did laugh a lot.
Drama still swirling. I don't want it, or to grapple with he-, she-, they- said blah blah about you to this person yackety yack; it's a tangled mess that makes me automatically tired when I think of it and is probably wearing grooves in my brain when I do. So I'm really trying not to. Tomorrow going out of state for a concert and dinner. It'll be a nice break, but I must keep reminding myself to not let crazy-makers determine how I feel, so I can enjoy the evening. It is work, because I'm trying to change and not ruminate about this, or in general. It is so easy to just let myself ruminate. But the effect on me is usually pretty bad.
__________________
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain . |
| Bark, lindammarie, Nammu, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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| Bark
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#139
May 30, 2013, 08:48 PM
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  ~whimsy
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| lindammarie, Rachel.i
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| Rachel.i
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#140
May 30, 2013, 08:59 PM
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__________________
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain . |
| Bark, lindammarie
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| lindammarie
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#141
May 30, 2013, 09:18 PM
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(((Sidestepper))) Sorry you've been having such a tough time. I'm glad you are doing better in the depression dept. though.
Doctors trying to force their brand of treatment on us, especially when we've been down that road and know it doesn't work for us -- Ugh! That has happened to me too. We are the ones living in our bodies, and yes, authoritarian-type doctors, sometimes we really do know better what is not good for us than you (if some really listen even). I too wonder if I'd be here if I'd given into the hammering insistence of one doc. Hope your sinus infection  heals up soon.
__________________
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain . |
| lindammarie, Nammu
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| lindammarie, Nammu
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#142
May 30, 2013, 10:17 PM
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Wow. I was just browsing through what was on tv tonight and found a new special on PBS called "A New State of Mind: Ending the Stigma of Mental Illness". Description is "People who have problems with their mental health often face stigma and discrimination". (I love PBS!) Recording now, will watch later, but I wanted to post about it here, in case anyone wants to try and catch it at some time on their local PBS station. (And they always repeat shows many times on different days.) Wishing everyone a good night
~whimsy
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| lindammarie
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| Bark, gracez, herethennow, lindammarie, Nammu, Rachel.i, tigerlily84, Turtleboy
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#143
May 30, 2013, 10:31 PM
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Previously, I was out on a scientific limb in arguing that the “skills of depression” — the habits that make it so hard for us to recover — are essentially neural pathways that can be replaced by more effective ways of living. Now the new neuroscience has confirmed that is indeed what happens in the brain; old pathways wither when we stop our habits, to be replaced by new connections that are learned through changes in our behavior. We can change our own brains through focused attention and practice. (Above copied from his book "Undoing Depression")
__________________
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain . |
| lindammarie
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| Bark, lindammarie, whimsygirl
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#144
May 30, 2013, 10:43 PM
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I'm alive, but not like it matters cause what I'm doing isn't living
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| Bark, gracez, herethennow, lindammarie, Nammu, Rachel.i, tigerlily84, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#145
May 30, 2013, 11:08 PM
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So I found out that I did better on my department test at work than I thought. I got an 86% and I need an 85 to pass. Good enough for me!
I also talked to T and she says that my being extra emotional is normal, given the topic of our sessions the past couple of weeks. So that's a relief at least. I think the only thing bothering me is the bridal shower for my (almost) sister in law. I am not a girly-girl by any stretch of the imagination but I did research about my obligations as a bridesmaid. All of the things that I suggested were ignored by the other bridesmaids. I honestly don't want to go. I feel like a baby complaining about it, but I'm only human, I want people to like me. It hurts my feelings. It's going to be at my dad's house on Saturday. I'll have to suppress the urge to drink to get through it! Ugh, this reminds me, I still have yet to pick up my dress from the shop! 
Last edited by tigerlily84; May 31, 2013 at 12:39 AM. |
| Bark, gracez, herethennow, lindammarie, Rachel.i, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#146
May 30, 2013, 11:12 PM
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 So interesting.
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#147
May 30, 2013, 11:19 PM
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| Bark, lindammarie, tigerlily84
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| lindammarie, tigerlily84
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#148
May 30, 2013, 11:31 PM
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I had a pretty busy day at work, and that made me feel better. The first two days being back at work (tue. and wed.) were weird. They were very slow and draggy days.
I had a terrible back ache on Wednesday. Nothing helped make it better. But the back pain is much better now. I took a bike ride after work today and that made me feel better. But after the bike ride I didn't feel so well emotionally. The people at where I live were not so nice to me. Which reminded me of why I want to leave the complex at where I live. |
| Bark, lindammarie, Rachel.i, tigerlily84, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#149
May 30, 2013, 11:34 PM
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Hi everyone,
I've been keeping up with everyone's posts but haven't answered / commented in a couple days. But I'm following you! And wondering how everyone is. Tigerlily - that's great, we'll take the 86! Relief. Ganymede - I feel like this almost every single day. So I know the pain and really wish you didn't know that pain. I usually hope that the day ends soon. I hope we all make it out of here together. Tigersassy - didn't see any post from you today and wondering how it's going. Whimsy - thanks for the article about neuroplasticity. I'm interested & want to check it out. Someone was telling me about "Pacing" and "TAT" this week - and it seems related. Maybe others have heard of it. I haven't looked into these things, and something different works for everyone I suppose, it's always worthwhile to try & search. goodnight, Gracez |
| lindammarie, Nammu, tigerlily84, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#150
May 30, 2013, 11:55 PM
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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