[phaset]

I think the anxiety I've been having, which my Dr. says is related to increased blood pressure, is happening less frequently now. I hope this means that my blood pressure is going back down to normal and not that I'm getting used to it. Maybe I should put more faith in my Dr. He comes off as kind of distant and dismissive when I see him.

I'm feeling rather anxious right now, but I think that's due to thinking about something that triggers me. Normally I can think of memories objectively but everytime I think of this I get overwhelmed by emotion. I'm feeling a bit annoyed that I don't see my therapist again for another 3 weeks and I want to deal with this right now, but I also keep thinking that I haven't talked about it over the last 25 years, whats the rush. I don't even know if I'm ready to talk about it, I've only seen her once. I may have said all this before, sorry if I'm repetating myself.

I feel blargh and I want a nap.

[tokiwartooth]

I really want to see him again, I might get to this evening, and for sure Thursday, and maybe Friday, and definitely Sunday

[tigerlily84]

One of my coworkers was out yesterday with the stomach flu and she returned today. Her desk is right next to mine. I'm not exaggerating, as soon as she sat down I started to feel bad. I have stomach cramps, headache, chills, and body aches. My stomach is also very upset. I haven't eaten anything because I felt nauseous earlier. I get sick so easily and I'm really annoyed with my coworker. I know it's not her fault, but still!

We are off early so I will rest. I have a full day tomorrow including therapy in the evening. Hopefully I'll be able to make it.

[bronzeowl]

Today is just okay. It's not good, but not bad, either. I'm much better off than I was two nights ago. I don't feel like I'm stuck in that deep depression at the moment. But there is still a bit of apathy there. Yet, I'm torn with myself. Because I feel calm, too. I, also, know that I'm always calm right before the storm. So, I'll have to see how the following days go.

Got a lot of rest last night. Went to bed at a halfway decent hour. It was about midnight when I fell asleep. But since I usually don't crash until the sun rises, that's progress. I woke up at about 8 or 9. So, I didn't oversleep much, either. Full eight hours actually.

Hope everyone else is doing all right.

[lindammarie]

2 clean-up companies have looked at our house. Neither have sent an estimate. I called & checked about getting a dumpster today & the price was god-awful. I've only cried a little bit today.

[bluedolphin92]

Lately I haven't been quite as sad as I was a week or so ago, so I guess that's something. Though I am preoccupied with thoughts of how empty and meaningless my life is, and how empty and meaningless it will always be

Leaving for vacation with my parents this Saturday. I guess I'm kind of looking forward to it, I guess. I just hope I'm actually able to enjoy myself for a little while.

[Poppy Princess]

Bad night. Time to cry again. I hate this.

[Clara22]

I hope you feel better tomorrow, Armygirl

[onionknight]

I feel so miserably ill, I wonder how I'm still alive.

UPS
I spent lots of time with my daughter yesterday and will have her all day and night today :-D
DOWNS
Our old house is close to Foreclosing, being sold. We tried everything, for whatever reason we are one of the ones the banks just don't want to assist. All that stuff about Housing assistance and refi's and all that Govn't stuff is all a ruse....you either qualfy under some bizarre quantifier or you don't. We don't!

[Bark]

Handed in one of my papers; two more to go.

Mood's been stable; the stress of home is getting to me, though. I don't feel like doing much.

Yesterday I wondered why I was feeling funny, then I realized I forgot to take my morning medication. I took it and felt better. Last time I didn't take it it was pretty bad.

I wish I could help them... but I can't.

I have been sick for so long. Will I ever feel well again?

[gracez]

I don't know lovebird, I really hope you are well soon. Now would be good. Time is painful isn't it. It's frustrating to hear "nothing lasts" when something goes on for so long.

I rode my bike 8 - 10 miles the past couple days because I had no other options to get to appointments, it was over 100 degrees. But I kind of felt good that I did it even though it was hard.

Just got home from the ride, I feel miserable again, the feeling of you did good only last a few minutes I guess. But at least I encouraged myself.

I've been anxious again the past few days. Bummed that anxiety is back. I don't have the power in my mind to see something nice about the future or to create it. I just stay miserable in my little box.

[tigersassy]

Today has sucked. Had to go to er blood pressure way up thanks to anxiety. Then I go back to talk to management and they are just making it worse. I hate depression. Gotta get this fixed.

[lindammarie]

More garbage to sort through tonight...

[bluedolphin92]

Been preoccupied by a thought lately: I certainly don't want to kill myself (could never put my parents through that), and I don't even want to die. But if I could just like...stop existing somehow, that would be lovely. =/

I was able to get some cleaning done today, at least. A neighbor is coming over while we're on vacation to check on the cats so the house needs to be presentable. Not much but I guess it's something.

[tokiwartooth]

I am not in a great mood, it was worse yesterday, but it hasn't completely gone yet. I went to a friend's birthday party, the man I love was there, but even that couldn't bring me out of it.

[phaset]

Last night I got a call from my therapists office while I was driving, and didn't answer it. I called back later when I got home... Apparently I could have had an appointment next week, but it was filled by then. I know this shouldn't bother me but I feel so frustrated and impatient about all of this.

I'm in an a bad mood today. I'm not looking forward to the weekend. I hate going to work, but I hate being at home too. I feel like I'm always waiting for the next thing... End of day so I can go home, bedtime so I can go to bed, morning so I can wake up, over and over, every day, every year. When does this all end?

[tigerlily84]

Feeling okay today. It was very slow at work. I didn't get a call the whole day, and I worked from 6a-2p. I'm sure on Monday it will be a different story. But I feel hopeful for once, so I'm going to run with it! Hugs to you all.

[tigersassy]

Busy day. Depressive thoughts little less. Drs appt therapy and work. So tired. New Med now hoping it helps. On vacation now. Yay! No work worries or therapy or drs unless necessary. Night all have a good week.

[gracez]

Hey Tigersassy, that's great news. And happy vaca!

Phaset - I relate to this exactly - "I feel like I'm always waiting for the next thing... End of day so I can go home, bedtime so I can go to bed, morning so I can wake up, over and over, every day, every year. When does this all end?" I'm always just waiting for time to pass so I can tick off another day I existed.

Barely slept last night. Today was pretty icky as usual, bad thoughts all day.

I had acupuncture, that's a good thing. I only burst into tears a few times. The acupuncturist today has treated me 4 or 5 times now I think. He asked me if I had lots of friends in town (I have zero) I thought that was nice of him to ask.

[gracez]

not so good. scared.

The usual Saturday for me. Did the housework and shopping. Nothing much else. Didn't get together with anybody and nobody called. Lots of emailing but that's it.

Nothing for tonight. Just watch a movie at home and that's it. I suppose I have to be very thankful because at least there's no crises going on and I'm not in a coma.

[Marla500]

@phaset-I relate to this too!! "I feel like I'm always waiting for the next thing... End of day so I can go home, bedtime so I can go to bed, morning so I can wake up, over and over, every day, every year." this is me too....if I can just get through this, then it's the next thing, then the next....I rarely feel hopeful or optimistic about anything, just continue to worry about how I am going to get through the next thing. I know I am making things more difficult than they need to be, but I'm tired of having to just keep going.
@will19- have you picked your movie yet? I am watching 'The Book of Eli' on TNT. I've always wanted to watch it but it is pretty heavy.

Feeling very little energy and/or motivation. I am in a lot of emotional pain right now. I am feeling terribly sad. I just hurt all over.