[Rachel.i]

Huge blow-out yesterday among my family of origin, from morning till near midnight. There are six of us siblings and one is a sociopath, always was, has stolen ~$75,000 of my parent's money over the years through forged checks and other means (they never prosecuted ). And that doesn't count the houses, cars, and other stuff they gave him. Now they have very little money left.

I and another sibling discovered that "Jerry" is surreptitiously trying to get power of attorney over them. I'm the only one who has it and I would never be so foolish as to extend it to Jerry so he can plunder what's left. Nor have I taken or ever asked for cars or houses or money from them.

Jerry of course lied, denied, deflected, played victim, tried hard to confuse the issue and everyone and succeeded with one sibling who's lived overseas since she was 18, and with my mother. Poor Jerry, they said, he's already got so much stress and says he'd never want Power of Attorney. He counts on people to be quiet, and if challenged, this is what happens.

Jerry has also stolen a lot from me over the years, still tries to get over, and hearing the word No has sent him into rages where he contacts all the people we know and makes up stories about me. He can also be violent, or in retaliation, cross lines that none of the rest of us siblings would. He's done the same to the others, except for the one overseas. It really sucks having someone like him for a sibling. If it was possible, I would never have to see him again. I borrowed a sleeping pill from another sibling to get some sleep because even though I was exhausted at day's end I couldn't sleep.

[Clara22]

Hi Rachel,
I am sorry for all you are facing right now. I feel reflected on your words, somehow. While I was living overseas, I was the only one that have rapport with my brother, my sister was always fighting on his mental health issues (she passed away in 2010). Now that I am here and see how he behaves on a daily basis (and react in consequence) I became "the evil one". (before it was my sister). My mom did not have a "good"relationship with my brother but recently, when exhausted she gave up. I somehow feel sorry for my brother because he is sick, but cannot help him, I just can't. And, if I could, I would not see him anymore, because he is not good to me

[Clara22]

Thanks a lot, Whimsygirl! No, I am not under the care of a therapist, you are right, I have to do that first

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Hi Rachel,
I am sorry for all you are facing right now. I feel reflected on your words, somehow. While I was living overseas, I was the only one that have rapport with my brother, my sister was always fighting on his mental health issues (she passed away in 2010). Now that I am here and see how he behaves on a daily basis (and react in consequence) I became "the evil one". (before it was my sister). My mom did not have a "good"relationship with my brother but recently, when exhausted she gave up. I somehow feel sorry for my brother because he is sick, but cannot help him, I just can't. And, if I could, I would not see him anymore, because he is not good to me

Hi Clara, and thanks. Your situation does sound similar. Sorry that it is so. Yes, my brother also calls some of us siblings crazy, bad, evil, mean, etc. I used to feel sorry for him too (that's how I got sucked in repeatedly and exploited/emotionally abused by him). But he is so destructive to everyone close to him, and an expert manipulator. I just have to have as little to do with him as possible. He adds so much stress on top of other stressors. None of us siblings really talk to him except the one overseas, but she moved away over 30 years ago when he wasn't as bad. They too have rapport and talk on the phone frequently.

Been working like crazy.
I am tired and have to watch my daughter all day and do more work on my daughters room at the new house.
Anyone need a 2800sq ft house in Charlotte? I have one for sale!

[phaset]

I helped my friend move yesterday. I always feel weird around him and his wife. They are so open and unguarded. When I got there she said "Do you know how I can tell you are shy? You are holding your arms like this." I had one arm across my stomach holding my other elbow. I wasn't offended by this, she's very nice, but I don't know why she mentioned it. It was nice to get out and do something different.

I'm not in a good mood today. Didn't sleep much last night.

[tokiwartooth]

I'm really down, and yesterday I was in a foul mood and really sad. I was biting everyone's heads off for no good reason and the slightest thing would set me off. I hate feeling that way!

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Sending good thoughts lindammarie Good luck with everything....maybe you could just try and take it one little breath at a time ~whimsy

I got through the weekend ok. (Ignorance is bliss.) This morning, though, I found out that we don't have any flood coverage. I wish there was one person who wanted to be by my side, encouraging me as I do this junk. I'm guessing I'm not worthy of being helped... or that people don't care... or that people can't stand being around me.

Feeling so alone.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Oh those money worries, or in my case I guess I'd call them "lack of money worries" and the resulting anxiety, and all that....ugh. Me too. And it's not just us....this is one of the main stressors for so many. Hope things get better for you. Sending good thoughts ~whimsy

People assume we just have the money to pay for someone to come fix this... I've been going for at least 2 weeks with $1 & some pennies in my wallet. And I'm pretty sure when the withdrawal for heath insurance comes out of my bank account, I'll be overdrawn...

Re-wrote my will & living will advance directive this morning... Am not planning on doing anything bad to myself, but am wondering how much longer I've got -- even hoping it's not terribly long. I hate feeling so alone.

[gracez]

went to acupuncture this morning and cried thru the whole thing.
wish i weren't here

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

I'm really down, and yesterday I was in a foul mood and really sad. I was biting everyone's heads off for no good reason and the slightest thing would set me off. I hate feeling that way!

Sorry Toki that you've been feeling like that. It is very similar to how I feel at times, and I really, really hate it. I can be around my my husband and he'll be cheerfully talking about upcoming plans or such, and when in that mood I'll just be so irritable I don't want to hear him or anyone. Then I feel really guilty. I am pretty good at not snapping at him or others (from very long practice), but I think most people can still tell that I'm not in the best of moods.

It's usually triggered in me by sleep deprivation, an overload of stressful situations/people acting up concurrently, ruminating on negative/traumatic incidents from the past a lot (which also causes stress), or, just a bout/mood of plain old depression that comes wrapped in irritability, the trigger of which isn't clear to me, though it may or may not be later.

Hope your down mood lifts soon.

[Turtleboy]

i calmed down a bit last night and had a nice morning but the anxiety and low mood are back again, i wonder if something is triggering it or its just a passing phase, i hope i dont have to change medication im maxed out on my sertraline already and i dread the thought of new side effects,

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by gracez

went to acupuncture this morning and cried thru the whole thing.
wish i weren't here

I'm sorry that you are feeling so down and that you weren't here, Gracez. I've been there too, and it's a painful place.

Sorry if you've already posted this, but I hope you are getting some professional help. Depression is such a nasty beast and it's very hard to fight on our own.

Wishing and praying that you will start feeling better soon.

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

i calmed down a bit last night and had a nice morning but the anxiety and low mood are back again, i wonder if something is triggering it or its just a passing phase, i hope i dont have to change medication im maxed out on my sertraline already and i dread the thought of new side effects,

Sorry, Turtleboy. I hope it's just a passing phase, too. As you say, starting a new med is a pain, with possible new side effects. Then there is not knowing if it will even work, sometimes for weeks.

But hopefully something did trigger it, and it will settle down. Sending my prayers and wishes that this will be the case.

[Turtleboy]

thank you (((Rachel)))

[davmid]

I am so not good today. Much anxiety and having trouble concentrating on any one thing for more than a few minutes at a time.

I dropped off a prescription for Wellbutrin earlier and will pick it up later. I'm really stressed about it- I've never taken meds before of any kind. Barely anything stronger than Motrin. I'm really afraid but I hope it helps. I'm spiraling and I keep having crying spells- and I'm at work trying to figure a complex design that currently makes zero sense to me and all the notations are in French. My wife texted me and asked if I can stop by to sign some papers. No idea what they're for and not sure I'll be able to comprehend them when I read them... bank papers, business papers, divorce papers- no idea. She's in meetings all day and I won't talk to her until I get there. I hope I stop trembling soon it's making me nauseous and I'm getting so tired.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Had a productive day today I guess. Was still a bit low though.
My lil sisters birthday, but I hadn't got her a present yet, so I popped into town this morning [she was in school] and got her two films. She loves films. And I did a little shopping of my own. I originally tended to buy a lot more, but the shops didn't have anything I intended to buy. You know when you go online and see something you like but when go into a shop they don't have it? Yeah, my whole day. Wish I had a bank card or whatever so I could do everything online. But then I'd have no money left :P

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by lindammarie

People assume we just have the money to pay for someone to come fix this... I've been going for at least 2 weeks with $1 & some pennies in my wallet. And I'm pretty sure when the withdrawal for heath insurance comes out of my bank account, I'll be overdrawn...

Re-wrote my will & living will advance directive this morning... Am not planning on doing anything bad to myself, but am wondering how much longer I've got -- even hoping it's not terribly long. I hate feeling so alone.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this bad, and I pray that some kind of comfort comes to you as soon as possible.

[whimsygirl]

Oh my God I need a break from this forum. Good luck to everybody with anything that's going on.

Ups
My stress level
Downs
My moods

I am having one of those weeks today.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Oh my God I need a break from this forum. Good luck to everybody with anything that's going on.

Take as much time as you need, Whimsy. You give so much of yourself here. It's time for you! (((((Whimsygirl)))))

[tigerlily84]

Today is my birthday. I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to my birthday (really). And I did go to work today. I still work in the same company (just different department), so some of my old coworkers decorated my desk and got me a card and all that. And it was nice. All that attention has made me tired. I just want to sit at home and read. It was a long day. (not birthday related, but just a really busy workday) But I'm getting all these phone calls (again, not complaining) and texts from friends and family... all wanting to talk. And I'm tired! I don't want to sound ungrateful, but geez! Okay, I'm done. :_

[tigersassy]

I'm so worn emotionally. Had therapy today since flashback happened Sunday night. I don't want to have to deal with this crap anymore. I wanna be better and I wanna be better now. I feel really needy. Am clinging to every life vest I can because I am so worn. Fear is gripping me and keeping me awake longer than I should be, but I'll sleep soon.

It was a pretty slow day at work for me today. Just did laundry after work, which was not that exciting. Went to the hot tub at where I live but a couple of people came in and were not very nice. That's very typical at where I live. Perhaps that's one of the biggest causes of my depression. I want to move out but I can't.

Today was OK. I was able to assist my ex with more moving stuff and she was at least civil and we did share some moments where we talked about what happened last year and how it affected her.
My daughter was a good girl today but I can see this whole thing is wearing on her too.
I know she just wants her daddy to tuck her in at night and be there in the middle of the night too.
I want that, but her mother and I are so far apart right now and I dont know if we will ever be together again.