[zombiette]

i've had a really emotional past 24 hrs, i feel like i can't cope anymore, like i've finally reached my wits end. i thought i could have a civil relationship w/my mother, i thought that moving out of home would put some space between us and poss even improve things. i always thought there wld b a happy ending, i wish someone had warned me a bit earlier that this is no damn fairy tale. i just want my mother out of my life, and it's the most stupid thing that triggered it off - she called me two nights in a row when i asked her not to...now i know that might sound a bit petty but believe me there is plently of history behind that of her being so intrusive and oh my gosh just so downright unbearable to live with. she is a very sick woman and i can't afford to be manipulated into playing her little games anymore. i just need to walk away, not do a big i-hate-u speech, but just withdrawl from her so there are no huge implications for my relationships with otha family members. i can't handle her, it's too much stress and i'm living a lie b/c there is no relationship between us, she doesn't listen to a word i say she has no respect for ppls boundaries, of how to function in society, just any normal nicieties that u expect from ppl. even a 5 min chat w/her on the ph can trigger off all sorts of flashbacks and just take me into a huge downer.

i talked to my T today, i managed to get one of her emergency slots, and she thinks things may have reached a head and agreed it probly is best if i don't have contact w/her for the moment. i don't blame her, it doesn't seem to do me much good.

[dcs_no1_fan]

Im sorry your feeling like this today I dont get on with my mum any more she never picked up the phone to see how I was(plus loads of other stuff) so I just stopped calling her as well the last time I spoke to her was back in feb & I dont regret it at all im glade that shes out of my life its up to my boys if they will see her when they are older I will not stop them but I dont think that they will as she doesnt bother with them

T.C

[Frozen_Heart]

Well, you know in your heart what you need right now. Just remember you can't control her behavior, only yours, and you need to do what is best for you.

(((((HUGS)))))

[mssumom]

I'm pretty new to this site only a fews days and I spend most of it reading others questions and seeing so many of those same feelings in myself because I don't really know what to say about how low my life has become. I could relate so much to your feelings about your mom as I have a very poor relaitonship with my mom also. My mom very rarely calls to see how I am and pretty much the only time we talk is when I call her. It is better with my dad but I think because he doesn't understand the tension between my mom and myself that he doesn't want to upset her. It certainly isn't in me to destroy my dad's picture of his 44yr marriage by telling him that the main reason my mom avoids contact with me is that she had an affair with my husband not long after he and I married and we have been divorced for 5 yrs now and I didn't learn about it until after we divorced (it was part of the "guilt" he was carrying and had to unload after his sudden emergency divorce he needed...also because he just found out he got someone pregnant and he needed a divorce fast so I wouldn't find out first about the baby...i know long nasty story) we were married 16yrs so he had carried the "guilt" for many years. I never could look at my mom the same way but will not ruin my dad, brothers and sister lives and so I do my best at family functions that I feel obligated to attend to just stay away from her. I'm at a hard time in my life where I could use a mom......I have cancer and am still dealing with radiation treatments, my daughter has just left home for college and I'm completely alone.
anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hope that tomorrow will be better for you.

[zombiette]

thanx guys, i am feeling a bit better today, she tried to ring me late last night while i was sleeping, i just diverted the call and went back to sleep. i felt kinda angry that she would do that, i mean ideally i'd like a good relationship w/her but so long as she is in denial about how sick she is (undiagnosed bipolar b/c she refuses to get help...i'm telling u no child should never have to listen her mother rant on about how she wished she was dead and life was not worth living...it is worth it damnit!!! or counsel her father on the state of his marriage and how to deal with his wife when she's losing touch with reality) i cannot do it.

mssumom - my father is also in denial about the state of his marriage, but it is better w/him. i'm glad u've found this site and welcome to PC!!!

[(JD)]

You ARE coping.... you call your T, you agree with plan ... you will distance yourself for a bit... you post here... those are all coping methods...

I'm sorry you are struggling so though! It gets dark when things are so difficult. TC.

[froggie2]

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hang in there.

My mother also had bipolar & she was not able to get help with meds or ECT, but she was an alcoholic, too, so that didn't help. She told us children she wished we were dead & was violent. She finally succeeded in committing suicide &, I know this sounds bad, but it was a relief that she was now out of that emotional pain & we kids could finally have some peace. Of course, we all carry scars from that & need to heal. I also developed bipolar & could see many similarities to her in myself, which scared me quite a bit. Because of my bipolar, my father couldn't have a relationship with me anymore. He couldn't stand to see me turning into my mother. I tried to have a relationship with him when I got well on medication, but he refused to talk to me. That hurt a lot to be rejected by both parents, but, you know I've made a life for myself & I regret that I couldn't have a normal mother & father relationship, but it doesn't haunt me anymore like it did. The meds & therapy helped me so much to get a grip on what good things in life I do have.

There is hope for you. You can't pick your family, but you can withdraw from them if they are harmful to your mental health. I think that is a good decision.

P.S. My mother was from N.Z. also. Take care, zombiette.

[zombiette]

thank u suzy i know what u mean about relief over ur mothers suicide...i feel guilty saying it but the only way i feel i can ever be rid of her is if she dies. she just feels like this huge looming presence like a ghost haunting me. i am often scared i will develop bipolar...i have dysthymia (just a fancy name for chronic mild depression) and have had anorexia in the past but am now recovered from the latter. my parents decided to ignore the both - i think i was used as proof they were adequate parents and they didn't want anymore mental health problems in the family. i've been doing a fair bit of writing recently and i'm trying to gradually turn it into a memoir about my experiences growing up with my mother. it's actually helping a lot to write it all out.

[(JD)]