I need help or something--I can't cope anymore

I'm using 60 mg cymbalta in AM, 12.5 mg Ambien at bedtime, and my anxiety builds throughout the day so I must take .125 mg of xanax several times a day or I would jump out of my skin. Instead of getting better, the anxiety part of my MDD is getting worse. I can't cope and I'm thinking about checking out of life a WHOLE lot more. I hate my job, and hubby & I are leaving for a 2 week cruise in 1 week so I don't want to end up in a hospital and ruin everything for him. I'm just so very tired of feeling this way and never knowing how I'll feel from day to day. There is no more normal. I feel like the real me has been swallowed up and doesn't know how to claw herself out. My Psych says it will take some time, but I'm afraid it wont come before I can't stand it anymore. What should I do to help myself in the meantime? Any ideas are appreciated.

Is the Psych a therapist?

He's referred me to a therapist who I can't see until August 7th. I'll be away from 7/22-->8/6.

Hi JourneyUpward,
Like everybody else on this Web site, I'm concerned about you. I hope your T or Psych helps.

Here's a number from PsychCentral and the federal government's National Institute of Mental Health:

http://psychcentral.com/resources/Suicide_and_Crisis/

1-800-273-TALK (8255).

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JourneyUpward said:
I'm using 60 mg cymbalta in AM, 12.5 mg Ambien at bedtime, and my anxiety builds throughout the day so I must take .125 mg of xanax several times a day or I would jump out of my skin. Instead of getting better, the anxiety part of my MDD is getting worse. I can't cope and I'm thinking about checking out of life a WHOLE lot more. I hate my job, and hubby & I are leaving for a 2 week cruise in 1 week so I don't want to end up in a hospital and ruin everything for him. I'm just so very tired of feeling this way and never knowing how I'll feel from day to day. There is no more normal. I feel like the real me has been swallowed up and doesn't know how to claw herself out. My Psych says it will take some time, but I'm afraid it wont come before I can't stand it anymore. What should I do to help myself in the meantime? Any ideas are appreciated.

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Coping is very difficult and very individual for each person. There are those of us who find meds that work and there are those of us who don't. My advice is to find a therapist that you can work with and talk with about all of your emotions. My therapist has been a god send and without her I would not be able to cope from day to day.... It is as you described it....as if I have been swallowed up and don't know how to claw myself out. I am merely surviving right now, taking each day one day at a time....never knowing what the next day will bring.

I wish you well and hope you find a good therapist soon.

TJ

Going on that journey upward,

You will make it through the cruise and be back in time to get into that T's office!

Discuss the meds you are taking as there can be a change that might be better for you.

Everyone reacts differently.

Don't be afraid to call the prescribing Dr. about your feelings - they might be worsened by meds and will taper - still he/she needs to know.

The job, well, you can find another while you are still at this one.
After all, you were looking for a job when you found this one.

Try looking for something in a place or service field that does or closely relates to something you love. Maybe an entry position in something you have always wanted to learn,... it makes such a difference to like what you do, and it is possible to do that.

You might want a gift shop some day, so work in one and learn how the owner is also the buyer, the mgr., window dresser, etc. How she does the books. You get the idea.

Learn the skills you need to make a dream job come true for you. It can happen overnight, but usually it doesn't. It is created.

You can do this and so much more.

Dry your tears and have a wonderful and much needed 2 week vacation on the Seas, be open to refreshing your spirit, and clearing your mind of all troubles. Make friends on board.

The whole trip is a necessary R&R. Treat yourself to this and when you return, your Therapist will be waiting, and hopefully, the keys to opening new doors and passages.

Good luck on your journey, as you move further along.

You can do it!

Love,
night

ummm...i don't think you re going on a cruise, that might be someone else, but you are going on vacation just the same - so exclude the high seas and on board but please ... stay on board your journey to positive solutions.

peace,
night

I had a hard time getting the right prescription, and it takes time for the meds to work. Have faith that it will work.

Please allow yourself to enjoy the cruise as much as you can. Laying around on a deck chair is normal behavior (or it seems on TV; I've never been on a cruise), so no one will know what you are feeling inside. Perhaps the meds will kick in and the experience will be much better than you imagine right now.

Please take care of yourself.

An update--Progress & Good News--
The reponses received were helpful beyond words--I am forever grateful. I held on to every word and worked to follow your advice and came through the crisis. For those who may have prayed without posting, I am forever grateful to you too.
I'm making progress. I'm continuing to follow my P's instructions with meds, sleep, doing my best working on patterns of thinking, etc.
I received GREAT news yesterday! I am being reassigned to another department and, no kidding, 75% less stress, and I'll be working, believe me. I'll be on vacation when the reassignment takes effect so I only have one day left on the old job. Also yesterday Hubby changed the cruise to same time next year because by then I should be well and enjoy it much more. For this vacation break, we'll take 2 three-day trips to neighboring states to enjoy the peace, history and beauty we find there.
I am seeing some light again, feeling some hope again.
Friends and Facilitators here at PC, I thank God for you and my Hubby and all the wisdom and caring you have all shared with me.
JourneyUpward