[unfearless]

yes, they just won't understand my problems. i'm out of words to describe and explain it. maybe they will understand on the day i die. sorry i have to say this.

[herethennow]

maybe one day they will. i guess we have to be patient and wait for the day...

[Pierro]

If you suffer from depression the only people that understand you are the people with the same illness. My friend, who I see not so much now, after me spilling my guts out to her she was really great about it. A week later I got a text from her asking me to go to a reunion with her. I felt like smashing the phone against the wall. She knows I can just about go grocery shopping. So you see people don't understand. So I dont bother anymore.

I think it's not so much that they won't understand, I think it's that they can't understand--you know, never been there, have no idea what it's all about. If they're close enough, maybe you can find a way to explain openly and honestly what is going on for you with depression, and I believe if they are truly friends they will make the effort to be more
helpful and understanding.

[bharani1008]

I agree that it is unlikely that anyone who hasn't experience d depression directly can understand. It's been my experience that even people who occasionally experience mild depression can understand how debilitating deep depression is.
Talk to your theapist or call a hotline if you need to talk. It's too hurtful to be so misunderstood.
Talk to us. We know how you are suffering. We care.Please keep posting and let us support you.

[LadyShadow]

I like what Bharani said alot. People don't understand what bottom feels like if you haven't hit it. I was where you were a long time ago, and it was a very dark place. I was always very dependent on other people to define myself and it eventually led to my downfall.

I have learned to be alone, and it has been the best experience of my life. I do get lonely like I did today, but I would never want to end it all again.

Its ok if you'te misunderstood. It hurts yes. And I feel for you. But I don't need people anymore. I say to hell with all of them and just live your life. That's how I live now.

Things will get better. Just keep posting and stay here with us. My prayers are with you.

I feel like there are a couple of people in my life that do not understand how I feel. It's like they tell me, "snap out of it, change your mind". One day I told a friend that the hot sun can depress me. This is the time of year I feel depressed and anxious the most. "Oh you are being silly", he said. "How can a nice sunshine depress you?" Well, it does depress me because it reminds me of bad things and tragedies that happened around this time of year in the past. "Hey, just forget about the past. It's all over!" Well, that's comforting! I guess I have PTSD.

Just like it's hard for them to understand my feelings, it's hard for me to understand how people can never get depressed.

[penguinsing]

I am learning and trying not to expect anything I have no control of, including people understand me or not.

[winter4me]

People generally mean well, I think they not only don't understand (many do, not in the same way someone who has had the same problem, but in knowing their own problems and how they are impacted) they often think they are helping by trying to get you "out", ---and, I believe it scares them a bit too, they have their own anxiety about not being able to fix things and not understanding...
we all want things to "make sense" and be "ok"...we are all in this world together, your friend probably thought she was doing a good thing---ah well.
hang in there, it's a long ride---------and I think of a line from Down By Law---"...it is a sad, and beautiful world."

[A Red Panda]

I've learned to accept that people won't understand - when they do, I feel a surprised mix of relief, joy, and sadness that they understand. I've had to learn to accept that when I open up, it might scare someone off, or make them angry, or make them walk on eggshells around me, or just keep their distance.

When someone doesn't understand, I think they worry about accidentally making things worse for me. Or feel like they should try to fix me.

The friends that I end up staying around... I'll open up more to them, and I'll explain that sometimes I just CAN'T do group things. Or that sometimes I really just want to stay home by myself. That sometimes if I know I'm ready to panic I will cancel plans because it's just the best decision to make. I always thank them for not giving up on me and trying to include me (because some people just give up and then I feel horrible). For me, I can usually handle 1:1 even when reallllly bad. So I tell my friends that. And I tell them that it's usually best to spring something on me, because I'm more likely to go "ok" and then not be able to back out of it. But if they try to make plans days in advance? I'll likely chicken out and cancel.

I've found that even though people might not understand the depression, they will understand my boundaries and limitations when I explain it to them. And they feel included and helpful when I've explained those to them, because they know they aren't causing more stress by being mad if I cancel. Which in turn makes me feel better, because I know that they want to help and accept me for how I am - even if they can't actually understand the worst thoughts that go through my head.

Does any of that make any sense?

[davmid]

I have no idea how to help people understand me when even I don't understand....

[SeekTheTruth]

I remember when I felt this way. It was about all I could say, "You just don't understand," or, "Nobody understands how I feel." I believed it was true then and I believe it is still true if a person has not been where you are. I wish I had known that they would help me anyway. And there will forever be thousands of people who know exactly how you're feeling, or some close version of it. Numb, anxious, "foggy," not caring, exhausted, annoyed, angry, sleepy, SCARED and in PAIN... I wish I had known to seek acceptance before requiring that everyone who wanted to help me "understood." Love is greater than knowledge in my experience but if you feel the other way...we have a much greater understanding of depression now than we ever have in the past. It's important to remember a time when you were not depressed, or less depressed, a good memory and to know that you can feel that way again regardless of the people or circumstances that may have changed and that there is very real help for you. Please seek the truth. I believe you will find it well worth your while. If possible, practicing gratitude, just being thankful for one thing at a time is also helpful. I have a beautiful life now. I am an artist, I have a good job, I help people everyday, have a loving family, am married, and feel joy (though I still fight for it - it gets WAY easier). People tried to tell me that I would (have a wonderful life) one day but that didn't FEEL soon enough. It's important to challenge our emotions. They are not the truth. They are valid and need an outlet but they are not the truth. I am glad to see you on here. You are brave and wise in being vulnerable and HONEST. I am sorry for your pain, truly. I remember all too well. I have hope for your complete recovery and healing. It is well worth it. This is my first time sharing...please be gentle with me. All is NOT lost...it only SEEMS that way. Lean on those who "don't understand," call the hotlines, go to the hospital or a program or a group, keep posting, talking if you can, searching for (real) answers, trusting those who know or who have been there, good doctors, good counselors, (ones with whom you can connect), taking medication if needed, (I certainly did - with constant support) and trying all the "silly" things that "might" WORK... it's worth it.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by CheshireCatGrin

I've learned to accept that people won't understand - when they do, I feel a surprised mix of relief, joy, and sadness that they understand. I've had to learn to accept that when I open up, it might scare someone off, or make them angry, or make them walk on eggshells around me, or just keep their distance.

When someone doesn't understand, I think they worry about accidentally making things worse for me. Or feel like they should try to fix me.

The friends that I end up staying around... I'll open up more to them, and I'll explain that sometimes I just CAN'T do group things. Or that sometimes I really just want to stay home by myself. That sometimes if I know I'm ready to panic I will cancel plans because it's just the best decision to make. I always thank them for not giving up on me and trying to include me (because some people just give up and then I feel horrible). For me, I can usually handle 1:1 even when reallllly bad. So I tell my friends that. And I tell them that it's usually best to spring something on me, because I'm more likely to go "ok" and then not be able to back out of it. But if they try to make plans days in advance? I'll likely chicken out and cancel.

I've found that even though people might not understand the depression, they will understand my boundaries and limitations when I explain it to them. And they feel included and helpful when I've explained those to them, because they know they aren't causing more stress by being mad if I cancel. Which in turn makes me feel better, because I know that they want to help and accept me for how I am - even if they can't actually understand the worst thoughts that go through my head.

Does any of that make any sense?

yes. this makes sense.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by davmid

I have no idea how to help people understand me when even I don't understand....

I have learned that it is ok to tell people (when you want to) that this is the way it is for you, everyone has Something they struggle with, and you don't have to be able to explain or 'understand'. We are all explorers...looking for answers, understanding. We all want to have the answers too, I think it is just part of being human. Hugs for you.

[unfearless]

Dear all,

Thank you very much for sharing & support, it means a lot to me. So sorry i cant reply one by one, but i surely can read your story everytime i need a support, like today, i'm feeling worthless today.

Before i posted this thread, i was talking about my depression with a normal friend, and she just dont get it, she cant feel my pain. And she's a careless person. At the end of conversation she just making me feel even worse than before. It's like she dont really believe how awful my depression is. I know her since 2010, and she always see me laughing, smile, joking, eventhough she do noticed that i'm a loner & a quite person who dont have many friends. But its not her fault making me feel worse, she's a normal person, happy life, have a lot of friends.

There are a few other people in my life who just cant understand my situation. And sometimes i feel like, they will believe me when i die. Cause at most times i do feel really depressed, suicidal, i cant connect with this life, sometimes i'm getting paranoid and just want to get out from this life. Sometimes i get up again, trying to be happy, but then down again, i'm sure you all have been there.

[adam_k]

I think most "normal" people can't understand because they have a limit on how sad they feel and it is usually proportional to what is going on at the time.

To relate to someone that has never experienced depression it is like then seeing thief favorite dog maul thier wife and grandma then they had to put it down old yelled style, and that is just how you feel when you finally get enough fortitude to get juror bed. Then you have to go through anyothet day, as if the previous one wasn't soul shattering enough. This is enough to make you even question why bother?

For better or for worse most people don't get that. I think in all it is a good thing because it mean the world as a whole isn't full of dread and despair, but it adds to the isolation and lack of understanding by the people we interact with everyday. I wish the world was more aware of the difficulties of depressionand the struggle to function. Yes it gets better with treatment and making positive improvements in your life, but that provide little comfort when you are feeling the worst of it.

I wish people had more compashion and empathy towards depression and say something like "i'm sorry things are so bad for you, but I still care about you". I think too many people get thier feelings invalidated or disregaured and it leads to a lot of anger for the recipient of that. Anger mostly at themselves because they can't feel happy or normal and enjoy life like most people can. There have been many times I have just hated myself for having depression. It's nothing I can change by hating myself or punishing myself. Eventually I just had to accept that it is an illness that I have to manage. There are good days and bad days and I have to reckonize when things are getting bad and question why and how I feel about them. Easier said than down and for a.long time I just accepted a lot of feelings as facts. Feelings and emmotions are usually valid, but not always true and it takes some work to look at them and change.