[alone in the world]

The day has started ok. Still fighting the blues that has shown up yesterday. I am hoping today the sun will come out and I can get out and change the atmosphere. about to enjoy my morning meditation.

[lindammarie]

Had some problems with the politics of our church music program, but when the new director came about a year ago, I joined the choir. Last night he announced that he wants the choir to go to Europe next summer. It will cost $5000+ and there will be no fundraisers. I cannot afford it and I know there are others who can't. This just seems like another way to exclude people to me. If the choir votes to go, I will be taking a leave of absence until they get back. No one will miss me anyway.

[avlady]

HUGGS Everyone!!!!!!!

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by avlady

HUGGS Everyone!!!!!!!

I second that!!

[tokiwartooth]

I am still very tired and not in a good mood.

[jegsu01]

Doing okay today. The first day in awhile.

[shortandcute]

in a lot of pain today

UPS
Peeling back the layers of my screwed up life and dealing with it
DOWNS
The more I do to fix me, the more my mistakes become "realer" and hurt even more

[Consumed84]

Day started off okay; then my father called. Cue downward spiral.

[Grey Matter]

It's kind of an "eh" day. I'm not depressed, yet I am not "pleased". It's the uncomfortable in between that tends to make me fussy and anxious. I physically feel unwell, so this may be the reasoning.

[Nammu]

I don't know what's going on, I'm .........I have no words, just very isolated and filled with nameless fear that is better when I distract myself by reading.

[tealBumblebee]

Been on a very positive wave lately. Like almost 2 weeks now. I'm suprised with myself. No cutting in probably a week (give or take? not keeping count anymore). I think i've had 2-3 full days of not having any kind of sui thoughts. Nothing different is going on in my life (besides therapy), my moods just been pretty up lately. And i've even gone back to being sociable. Hope this lasts awhile.

[Grey Matter]

So happy for you, Teal!

[themonster7]

I'm starting to talk to people at my college campus slowly but surely. I'm hanging out with friends, I have plans 4 days in a row. I'm getting all I want so why am I still so unbearably unhappy?

The last few days for me have not been very kind emotionally. Things have been going crazy at my job. Yesterday was a real winner as two printers/copiers at the place broke down and I could not do anything to fix them. The copiers are my responsibility to keep up and maintain. I love doing it, but it's hard when they break down and I can't fix them. Also, my job is to store the cartridges for the copiers. I ran out of having cartridges because a co worker had to do a big print job suddenly. I didn't have enough toner cartridges for her. I didn't see that coming and neither did she.

Also, last night, the only friend I have and I got into a disagreement. I gave him a little critique about himself and he didn't like it at all. But he gives me criticisms all of the time. Everything from about how I am as a person to how my place is set up. You name it and he criticizes it. But yet he can't take criticisms for himself.

And tonight I went to the pool area. It started off nicely as I had it to myself. But a few minutes later a couple that was not very nice came in. That seems to happen a lot at where I live. I don't know why in my right mind that I don't try to make my way out of the place.

[Bark]

Gone on a trip and going back tomorrow. I wish I'd booked it earlier an for longer, but I've already seen and done things I never have before. So that's good. Got along some with the people I went on the trip with.

But of course I have to forget something. Like my phone charger. And, more importantly, my meds. And of course I didn't bring a copy of my prescription when I travelled here, although I thought about it. So I ended up calling a toll-free number an explaining how I wasn't a resident, didn't have insurance, and didn't have a prescription. She told me to try my luck at a pharmacy, and if that didn't work out, to go to a walk-in clinic. So I went to the pharmacy, no luck. I called my dad and asked if he could get me a copy of my prescription. The next day, I went to a Safeway, and the pharmacist was amazing. I told him that I only needed a few pills till I got back to where I was staying. He put some pills in a bottle and said it was a gift. I felt so lucky. After that, I saw that I got an e-mail with a scan of my prescription. I ought to carry that around on my phone. I think everyone that takes meds should have either an image of their prescription on their phone or a folded prescription in their pocket.

Overall it was a great trip... except for feeling so incredibly guilty for asking for money and being told I needed to act like an adult and budget properly when he asked me before I left if I needed money and I said yes and so assumed I was getting some. Gah. So I'm trying to spend as little of that money as possible. I mean, I could have managed, but why didn't you say that you were not sending me money instead of having me wonder? I don't know, I'm still bothered by it. It's as if the money I got is tainted. I felt guilty for buying an ice cream. I'm going to return something I bought and that should cover that cost. So basically all I would have spent of that money would be for dinner that night. I don't want the money. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know if I'm even being clear now; I'm not going to read what I wrote. It just kills me inside to know that I've bothered someone, especially a friend or family member. It kills me.

[tokiwartooth]

I've been in a downer now for awhile and it's not getting better. Plus I feel like hell today. Throat hurts, chest hurts, I pulled a muscle in my side coughing, and everything aches. And I've been so unbearably tired that I don't know what to do. I went to bed last night at 6:30. I didn't get up much, only once to use the bathroom. This is like I tired that I can't fix, it feels deeper than just not getting enough sleep. This is honestly the most tired I've ever felt.

[dygrey]

Hm I kind of feel better since it is weekend soon and there's nothing that can make me feel worse, nothing uncomfortable planned, to put it in these words. So that's at least something good...

Originally Posted by Bark

I think everyone that takes meds should have either an image of their prescription on their phone or a folded prescription in their pocket

Damn fine idea Bark.....you should start a thread for that and take credit for such and outstanding idea!
I am gonna take pics of my bottles as soon as I get home.

[bronzeowl]

I don't know how I'm feeling today. The past several days have been something like... a roller coaster. And now, I'm here. Feeling apathetic. I'm not even sure that I care that I feel apathetic. Because it's better than I was last night and the night before that. I couldn't help but notice that I look like hell. One can tell I haven't slept more than three hours in ages simply by looking at my face.

[shortandcute]

having a lot of mixed feelings today; i feel like there's a weight on my shoulders and i havent the gumption to do something about

[tigerlily84]

I want to tear my hair out. So frustrated right now!

[Ganymede00]

I'm back to actively seeking "help". I've been ignoring anything mental health all summer but I sent an email to a new therapist today. I'm scared/nervous but we'll see where this takes me.

[shortandcute]

Feelin' bleh. My current physician doesn't want to prescribe me meds anymore even tho he still thinks I need them; I was seeing a psychiatrist who takes medicaid, but I could only see her when I was getting counseling at that facility--but they always discontinue after a few months whether you like it or not. I could go back to this one clinic I was going to before to get my meds, but I hate that clinic. sigh

[herethennow]

So I'm still living. And still in the dark corner. Failed.

T and pdoc appt coming soon and I... don't know whether I should tell them about my failed sui attempt. I don't feel like fighting anymore. What for fight when I can't see the end? T talked about the journey being a marathon, but here I am thinking "at least a marathon you can clearly see the end... all I see now is the words "I should just give up.""

Was half wanting to meet pdoc earlier the other day because of my attempt but.. again I thought about the previous session and how he didn't really bother to know about me.. so.. I gave up on the idea. Guess I'm alone now. T is just focusing more on other things...