[bluedolphin92]

Finally moved and settled in to the new apartment. Seems nice so far. My roommates seem pretty good as well, so that's good Went out to a club with one of my roommates and some of her friends last night. Definitely not my thing but I've never been clubbing before so I guess it's good to get the experience of having done it.

[tigerlily84]

Spent some time journaling. I'm still feeling emotionally raw but it felt good to put those feelings on paper. I'm going to check out some apartments and I might go to the movies later. I just wish I wasn't so hot!!

It hasn't been a good day so far. Feeling very depressed. I guess it's because of my health anxiety. It's a hot humid day today and that has not happened in a while where I am. I've been feeling very tired and not wanting to do anything. That's unusual for me. I also feel very lonely.

My only friend I have got mad at me today. I went to church (where he goes also) and following the service there was going to be a lunch for the college students. The church is located near the campus of a college. It seemed crowded today and very overwhelming. I was not looking forward to the lunch and I really preferred not to be there today.

But my friend had some clothing items that he was going to give me. After the service I waited for him to come out as I was outside. It seemed like it was a long time when I didn't see him. So I just left. I also was not feeling that good at the time.

I got an email from him saying that he was disappointed in me that I didn't hang around long enough. Also he said that he was upset with me. I called to apologize. He was upset at first, but got over it. It's upsetting when the only good friend that I have can be upset with me. I feel like if I lose him as a friend, I wouldn't know what to do. It's very hard for me to make friends.

[nija43]

I'm angry... angry.... angry.... depressed.... depressed..... depressed. All because I didn't sleep well last night. I'm so effin tired of being angry and depressed..... I'm tired.... and I'm tired of being tired.

I use a therapy journal on my computer and I made an entry for today and I was literally pounding on my keyboard typing... just like I'm doing now..... didn't help my mood even though my journal entry had quite a few expletives flying around.... so I'm pounding out this posting..... maybe I'll feel better after the second time around . If I had a pen-and-ink journal, I know I would have broken the pen trying to write.... and then I probably would have torn pages out of the journal.... done that before.

I really hate feeling like this.... I'm just so tired of it. I know if I get a good sleep tonight I'll feel okay tomorrow..... but that means squat to me right now.

UPS
We heard the ice cream man and ran out to get some
DOWNS
My daughter was not careful and you guessed it...not half way thru she dropped her hello kitty ice cream bar on the floor. Broke my heart to hear her cry like that.

[oliamble]

I'm very happy guys, feel very motivated and ready to go work tomorrow. I hope all of you guys feeling sad feel better soon and god bless you all.

[htebsiL radnalaS]

I want to die. Im convinced my life is the worst ever. I am too tired to keep going. This isn't depression talking. It's my reality. Why do we put such value in living when it is so painful for some of us. I want to die I want to die i want die death I beg you take me take me please

[lindammarie]

I wish I didn't alienate people. It's like I'm my own worst enemy.

[ErinM]

Almost home. That will be good. Beginning to get somewhat irritable.

[Bark]

Always tired.

But otherwise okay.

[herethennow]

Glad to hear you're doing okay Bark! Hope you're not forgetting your meds

Had a bad monday. Not really in the best place now. To be honest, on the way home I was in a crisis. I was so near to the hospital where my T and pdoc works at that time.. I felt like going there so as to keep myself safe. I didn't. I felt so determined for the negative things and unmotivated for the positive things..

Really frustrated with self because now I realise some small event that happens would set me off crying. I've been forcing myself to eat for the whole year now (even putting on weight) and now my appetite is just gone. And I don't want to bother for now. I really don't. What's the point of trying and trying when I just fail?

I'm making sui plans subconsciously and T appt is somewhere this week. Supposed to do my T assignment but I feel so unmotivated to do so. I don't feel like going even. I just want to give up

For the first time since I started my AD on 8/6, I was able to change my mood in the upper right corner to happy! Yesterday I worked very hard at preparing for a family BBQ, and it was so heartwarming to see the people who love me the most in the world. Plus, because of it all, my sleep was SO much better last night. And in spite of all the stress and physical acctivity, I'm not in a fibromyalgia flare today.

I have learned that while my depression may be biochemical, that's only part of it. Taking action and feeling I've done my best, plus keeping in touch with loved ones IN PERSON can help so much when I have depressive issues. It leads me to believe a lot of my depression is circumstantial, and there are some things I have to wait for right now.

No downs at all today. I skype with my T at 9:00 and have a board meeting at noon.

[tigersassy]

Feeling good. Even with crap last night. Finding motivation to follow homework. Yay!!!!!

[oliamble]

Doing ok, having a light headache but anything else I'm fine had a great lunch of Mexican tacos and ready to get back to work. Killed half a day at work ready. Yesterday I took my kid biking a couple of hours around town, today I don't know if I'll have energy for him again after school...we'll see.

[tigerlily84]

Today is my day off. I paid some bills, and I'm feeling pretty accomplished.

[lindammarie]

Got back home & checked in at the office. Back to normal.

My trip revealed some things about myself. I'm not sure what I'll do with the thoughts. When I get home this evening, I'm going to take a bath and try not to be negative with the thoughts that come.

I want to be of value in this world -- and I know all of us are. I just want to sort of have an idea of what difference I make...

[themonster7]

Driving home from school I just keep thinking about how easy it would be to swerve into a rail at 80mph and maybe die, but that could harm the people around me. Crazy how I go from that mindset to thinking I can conquer the world in less than a minute, then right back again. I have issues.

[gracez]

there were times today when the thought " i wish i didn't exist / could stay unconscious" wasn't in my mind at all.

i ate a meal today

[Rayvon]

Feeling very lost today and I can't sleep. I feel like I may be in a crisis soon but I am scared to go to the hospital because I am afraid of people I don't know.

[online user]

Do you have a doctor or therapist who are treating you? That would be a good place to start.

[Rayvon]

I do and I have an appt with my T later in the week. I am just unsure how to talk to her about it.

[online user]

Originally Posted by Rayvon

I do and I have an appt with my T later in the week. I am just unsure how to talk to her about it.

If you are worried you won't know how to bring it us (what's bothering you and causing you to feel this way), why don't you write it out ahead of time and give it to her to read to get you started?

[lindammarie]

I talked to my son last night. I am worried about him. He has "inherited" my mental illness... He is depressed and I am worried. I hate this illness.

[Grey Matter]

Down. I have no energy today and have so much to do and the thought of it alone is making it all worse.

[tigerlily84]

I had such a hard time going to sleep so I am exhausted today at work. I feel so out so it. Blah