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#502
Sep 30, 2013, 12:45 PM
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Been in bed all day today with the lights off, probably not getting out.
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 Bark, bluedolphin92, gracez, lindammarie, NWgirl2013, tigerlily84, tigersassy
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#503
Sep 30, 2013, 12:46 PM
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Just finished another appt. Realized I'm sitting on that couch discussing the SAME issues from 20 yrs ago! What the hell is wrong w/ me? She said it keeps coming back bec I'm not "dealing" w/it. It's a part of me I want gone. It doesn't belong to me anymore. It's so old! Why can't things just go away? It just won't die
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| Bark, bluedolphin92, lindammarie, Nammu, NWgirl2013, tigersassy
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#504
Sep 30, 2013, 06:54 PM
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Today was just a good day, expect a great day tomorrow since its back in the 80's I may even lay by the pool!
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| lindammarie, NWgirl2013
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 Bark, bluedolphin92, lindammarie
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#506
Sep 30, 2013, 07:25 PM
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down down down...so very down...
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| Anonymous37807, Bark, bluedolphin92, lindammarie, Nammu, NWgirl2013, tigersassy
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#507
Sep 30, 2013, 10:17 PM
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today sucks. been a tough few weeks, haven't been down like this for a few months. i hate it. i want to give up trying and just do nothing. better to just literally waste my life away then try and fail to get anywhere.
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| Anonymous37807, Bark, lindammarie, tigersassy
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#508
Sep 30, 2013, 10:51 PM
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At this point in my life, I know exactly what I need to be doing if I want to be successful in the future. I need to start getting research experience and building relationships with professors if I want to get into grad school and get a good career in the field I want to work in. I need to start putting more effort into talking to new people and making new friends so that I can have a network of people in real life I can rely on, rather than just relying on people on the internet. I know that I need to be doing all of this. But I just can't seem to find the motivation to try, and I fear failure, or worse, fear that even if I succeed it won't make a bit of difference on how I feel.
__________________
"The rain keeps crawling down the glass. The good times never seem to last. Close your eyes and let the thought pass."
'Prodigal' by Porcupine Tree  |
| Bark, lindammarie, tigersassy
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#509
Sep 30, 2013, 10:58 PM
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Just kind of discombobulated.
 Too much pain in my head today.
__________________
It only takes a moment to be kind ~ |
| Bark, lindammarie, Nammu
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#510
Sep 30, 2013, 11:01 PM
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So down today that not even getting another A in Psychology on yet another exam could lift my spirits. I wish life had a pause button.
__________________
Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
| Bark, lindammarie, tigersassy
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#511
Sep 30, 2013, 11:25 PM
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...
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| Bark, bronzeowl, lindammarie, Nammu, tigersassy
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#512
Oct 01, 2013, 08:09 AM
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i miss stability. i hate being sick.
but what i hate the most is when i've become accustomed to feeling this way.
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| 1948kate, Anonymous53876, Bark, lindammarie
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#513
Oct 01, 2013, 08:38 AM
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I have class today but I don't think I can get out of bed.
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| Bark, lindammarie
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#514
Oct 01, 2013, 08:43 AM
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Not feeling quite so depressed today. Did some cognitive challenges while lying in bed this morning and felt better. Seeing the pdoc this morning. Wondering if my depression is more situational than biochemical. I'm already taking 40 mg viibryd. What the hell more do I need? I wish my phone would ring with more potential clients. I need something to do with myself! Hate feeling so bored and having suck a lack of sense of purpose. Dog walking, laundry, errands and watching t.v. with my husband is getting old. Just don't know how to get out of this funk. The important things is, I know I will some day!
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| Bark, lindammarie
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| Bark
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#516
Oct 01, 2013, 11:01 AM
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I am getting off early today, we have a half day at work, and tomorrow off
__________________
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| lindammarie
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| Bark
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#517
Oct 01, 2013, 03:09 PM
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Had to write this somewhere. I'm seeing a crack of daylight in this dark ravine. Only hope its a bit bigger tomorrow. Please!
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| Anonymous53876, Bark, lindammarie, Nammu, tigersassy
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| Bark, lindammarie, Nammu
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#518
Oct 01, 2013, 03:09 PM
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feeling a little better today, BF and I are sort of talking....think we just might be okay...maybe. Trying to take that as a win. Still feeling kind of numb, but that's improvement over pain....
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| Bark, lindammarie
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| Bark
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#519
Oct 01, 2013, 05:12 PM
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Jumpy today. Last night, after midnight someone kept pounding on the door and pushing the doorbell every ten fifteen minuets but then disappeared from the door viewer. Finally I just waited by the door and caught a glimpse of the person. Freaked me out, what an angry, tense person, smoking and paceing. I shouted I didn't know them to go away. But I didn't sleep after that. I feel worse for Sir, he has been jumping two feet in the air all day, over nothing. He just stood facing the door with all his fur raised in fear during the whole time that this went on. Man.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Bark, lindammarie
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#520
Oct 01, 2013, 06:41 PM
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UPS
ME...all day DOWNS I just dont understand how things change so quickly. |
| Bark, lindammarie
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| Bark
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#521
Oct 01, 2013, 08:03 PM
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Trying to turn my sadness into anger because anger is, at the very least, less painful. It's just not working though. This is the 3rd day in a row where I've started crying for no reason in particular. I hate myself for not being able to pull myself out of this.
__________________
"The rain keeps crawling down the glass. The good times never seem to last. Close your eyes and let the thought pass."
'Prodigal' by Porcupine Tree |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22, herethennow, lindammarie, Nammu, tigersassy
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#522
Oct 01, 2013, 10:08 PM
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I almost wish I could say something terrible happened to me today. I wish I had a breakup or a fight with a girlfriend, or somebody died, or anything happened to upset me. Instead of just unbelievably depressed for absolutely no reason at all. I'm making friends, I have 3 new groups of friends I've made since august, my birthday is next week, my life is looking so far up since the summer. It doesn't matter, I'm just as depressed as ever for absolutely no reason. I really just want to either live drinking or sleeping. The only two times life makes sense.
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| Anonymous37807, Bark, bluedolphin92, Clara22, herethennow, lindammarie, Nammu, Patagonia, tigersassy
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#523
Oct 01, 2013, 11:09 PM
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I don't know how but I started the spiral... I'm losing my mind... I can't deal with this anymore. Down.
I'm losing it. My mind is clouding over. I'm worried about what I'm going to do... |
| Bark, bluedolphin92, herethennow, lindammarie, Nammu, NWgirl2013
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#524
Oct 01, 2013, 11:27 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| lindammarie
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| Bark, Clara22, lindammarie, NWgirl2013
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#525
Oct 01, 2013, 11:54 PM
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So many things pouring in right now; impending death of beloved friend, truth of family members' psychosis, death of mom at hand of caregiver, theft of inherited stuff that makes me sad it didn't go where intended, physical pain, pain, pain, that never ends. Losing a new friend who couldn't be supportive, knowing I am just too much sometimes, never wanting to be....I'm just very sad.
__________________
It only takes a moment to be kind ~ |
| Bark, Clara22, herethennow, lindammarie, Nammu
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