[bronzeowl]

Posted in the bipolar one, too, but it's become habitual to check in here. I feel home in this subforum. So, here goes.

Feeling good today. Not too good. By that I mean that I actually feel functional, not that I feel a little bad. I went shopping, bought some new clothes, bought a few things I needed, picked up my prescription. And everything was great. I actually socialized! For the first time in years, I spoke to strangers without worrying what they were thinking or what they'd think later. It felt great. I feel good today. I'm hoping it's the meds working. I'm enjoying it. It's not as scary as I thought it'd be. It's been almost a month, so, I suppose it is time to start seeing some big changes if there are any.

Ups? The day was full of them. Socializing, buying new clothes, enjoying my time out.
Downs? Just that I still need to finish this English assignment...

It was an OK day for me. Very slow at work, but that was to be expected being a Friday before a long weekend. I worked out after work and it went pretty well. But later I went to a Jacuzzi at where I live to relax. It was fine at first when I was alone, but a few minutes later a couple came in and they were not very nice. I've seen them before and wasn't crazy about them. I left the Jacuzzi feeling miserable. I called my friend after that. I told him what happened and he seemed to imply that it was my fault that I couldn't get along with them.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by bronzeowl

Posted in the bipolar one, too, but it's become habitual to check in here. I feel home in this subforum. So, here goes.

Back when I was rapid cycling, I posted there maybe a few times, but I kept coming back here. I think, so long as you're comfortable, and you're not way off-topic (you've suffered from depression before, and even now it's in your memories... it's not like you've never been depressed (my definition of off-topic is very broad )), you and anyone else should feel comfortable posting here. I've been posting here for over a year, and it's great to keep in touch with people you've grown close to. Speaking of which, I haven't seen some of the oldies in a while... how are you guys doing?

Glad you're having a taste of "normal"! It is quite a nice feeling. I realized I'd never felt like that before, unless you count the odd hours here and there. It's amazing how the mind works.

[VxVx]

Saturday should be a good day, the weekend no work, but I still feel miserable. I just want it to stop. I want to forget things that keep going around in my head. I don't want to remember.

[IndieVisible]

Well last week I had 6 days in a row of really great elevated state where I could not wipe the smile off my face no matter what. Then I took a slight dive not serious then returned to baseline and seem to be a little above base line again. Nothing to serious yet. I just hate when I'm feeling "normal" or baseline, I always totally dismiss prior issues. I never learn.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Over and over and over again. I'm fed up of it!!

[bronzeowl]

Originally Posted by Bark

Back when I was rapid cycling, I posted there maybe a few times, but I kept coming back here. I think, so long as you're comfortable, and you're not way off-topic (you've suffered from depression before, and even now it's in your memories... it's not like you've never been depressed (my definition of off-topic is very broad )), you and anyone else should feel comfortable posting here. I've been posting here for over a year, and it's great to keep in touch with people you've grown close to. Speaking of which, I haven't seen some of the oldies in a while... how are you guys doing?

Glad you're having a taste of "normal"! It is quite a nice feeling. I realized I'd never felt like that before, unless you count the odd hours here and there. It's amazing how the mind works.

Definitely have and definitely remember how it feels.

It's a very nice feeling. It suck around today, too. Being able to actually speak to others who are not within my immediate circle is quite nice. The mind is an amazing thing at times. Both scary and amazing.

Today was good today. Once again, the only down is that I still have schoolwork to finish.

It was a busy day for me today with the domestic stuff and that was it. I got together with the only friend that I have, and it was only for a half hour. It was a nice time but way too short. Took a bike ride today. Fortunately the weather was very nice and ideal.

[tigerlily84]

Today was a really great day. My grandma turned 100 years old today! It was nice to be there with her and my other family members. We had minimal fighting but it didn't ruin the day. I'm just grateful to still have her here. She inspires me.

[IcryWhoAmI]

How I feel all of the time.
I don't know what to do. It just keeps getting worse.

[bronzeowl]

Ups: Still feeling good. Going shopping again today. Maybe to the movies. Maybe. I'm thrilled to be getting out now that I'm feeling moderately better. Makes me doubt Avoidant.
Downs: Well, I hit my head on my sister's treadmill which caused my head to ricochet into the open door. Hitting both sides. Which hurt like heck.

[Grey Matter]

I hope your head is okay, Bronze!

ups; went to work, controlled my anxiety at work, actually ate from my meal plan. Looking forward to going out with my sister tomorrow and enjoying her company. And we're going to the mall, so for me to look forward to that is shocking in it's self.

Downs; my sleeping is just a bit messed up. Otherwise, on the depression front, I am holding up okay.

A pretty busy day today, though not emotionally fulfilling. Went to church this morning. The Pastor mentioned something about how there would be no marriage and sex in Heaven. That's great! It's that way for me here on earth now. So I've got something to look forward to when I pass away.

Met with my friend after church. It was OK. There was a buffet lunch at a college dining hall nearby and the church was invited. I didn't want to go because I don't feel comfortable at church lunches. The people are much older and they all seemed to be coupled. I thought that my friend was going to go to that, but he told me that he wasn't. I was indecisive whether to spend time with him or not. I could have, but I don't feel comfortable going to his house because it always seems real hot there and his wife is not a pleasant person. I don't feel good being with couples anyways. Well, I found out that my friend ended up going to the buffet lunch. I still would not have gone if he did.

Got busy with the laundry and took a one hour bike ride. I could have gone for more, but the sun sets real early. I finished the bike ride and it's about to get dark. Been feeling very blue and dreadful this afternoon. I am dreading tonight because I got nothing lined up and I don't have to work tomorrow. So that gives me time on my hands tonight.

[tigersassy]

Doing good this week is going to be busy. Leaving to go on vacation tomorrow night which is my soon to be mother in laws bday. My bday is thursday. And I'm getting married friday. Plenty to keep me busy

[herethennow]

not doing well at all. going down the slope... going back to the darkness. going back.. and i'm tired. i just want to give up. and now.. sui doesn't seem like a bad idea afterall...

[it_will_get_better]

Not sure how to describe my mood today. Indifferent? Neither here nor there. Which is an improvement over recent days and weeks.

I have lost some weight through the whole worrying and being depressed. I've lost ca. 4kg - I was a healthy weight before and I still am now. As a result of the weight loss I now fit into a dress that I haven't worn in three or four years. I can't even remember the last time I've worn it. That's one good thing that has come from the depression

UPS
Melissa
DOWNS
encounter with the ex. she told me it was time to move on, so I gave myself permission and met someone. Guess who is pissed at me now....really?!? Better get over it!

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[Rose76]

I'm doing well. Getting my pre-holiday cleaning done. I'm going to make this Christmas a good one . . . not like last year.

[ToeJam]

Lousy, fighting hard right now and feeling down down down

[bronzeowl]

Thank you, teen. It's feeling a lot better today. The headache is gone now.

Ups today: Going to the pet store to get my dog some food. Feels great to be able to do that. So hard lately.
Downs: None yet. Hope it stays that way.

Ups: job interview this week
Downs: scared to death I won't be able to function effectively -- even if he does offer me a position - - because of my depression. I need the money so must give it a go. Scared to fail.

[MercilessShadow]

Ups: Cleaned up a tad
Downs: Can't stop thinking about the shotgun my dad bought in case strangers break in, feeling like no one wants me around, the petsmart i interviewed at last thrusday hasn't called me back, no idea when i'll be able to go back to therapy, worried that my therapist is mad at me

[tigerlily84]

Depression is making its way back. I feel apathetic about everything. I'm scared that it will be the same like last time or worse. It's almost like a distant thought that I'm having, as if I were thinking about someone else. I'm not making any sense. T says that the way I talk about depression is like a separate entity, as if I were saying "It's the depression talking not me." So I feel scared but the feeling is almost muffled. Sorry for rambling.

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[Rose76]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

T says that the way I talk about depression is like a separate entity, as if I were saying "It's the depression talking not me."
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That sounds like how it often feels to me. I'll bet a lot of PC members could say the same thing.

Your T may be trying to make a point that has some validity, but I wonder if this T really "gets" depression. IMHO talking about depression as an "entity" with its own internal logic (independent of what makes sense to your willful, conscious mind) makes no less sense than talking about being brought low by an infection . . . or by a malignancy. Isn't it amazing how all us very different people with completely different life experiences can describe depression, and it tends to sound similar . . . as if it were the same entity visiting each of us.

Depressed people tend to have distorted perceptions, but your perception of depression as an "entity" is not necessarily a distortion. I'm not suggesting you waste time in therapy arguing with the T, but I hope the T knows not to do that, either.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I wonder if this T really "gets" depression.

It's interesting that you picked up on that Rose, because honestly I feel like I talk and talk sometimes and she doesn't know what to say. Or that she just parrots back what I say to her. I miss my old T. She just "got" me.

BTW Rose, glad to see you back here. You've been missed.