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#926
Nov 12, 2013, 04:59 AM
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up: assignment had 0% plagiarism o_O which was odd...
down: nope not better at all. and at this rate i really don't know whether i can keep myself safe..
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
 Bark, Nammu, Rose76
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#927
Nov 12, 2013, 12:48 PM
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Depression is back in full force.
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| Bark, IcryWhoAmI, Rose76, tigersassy, ToeJam
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#928
Nov 12, 2013, 04:45 PM
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Nobody cares and it's my fault. If something horrible happens to one of my friends, I'll be the one to blame, because I should've known what to say or do. I don't want to lose anyone, but I feel like I'm letting them slip through my fingers.
I've set my makeup exam for Friday. Unless I'm physically unable to get there, I'm writing the exam, whether I'm prepared or not. As for my upcoming paper.... I don't know what to do. I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow. We'll see. Every time I feel like things are a bit better, something comes along to drag me back down. I'm not in a destructive mood, thankfully. Well, at least not right now.... |
| herethennow, IcryWhoAmI, Nammu, Rose76, tigerlily84, tigersassy, ToeJam
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#929
Nov 12, 2013, 04:48 PM
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I feel so crap about myself all the time. About everything really.
__________________
"I wanna sleep forever, but I keep waking up." - highly suspect |
| Bark, Rose76, tigersassy
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#930
Nov 12, 2013, 04:52 PM
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Quote:
 You are in the right place, many here can identify with you. 
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
 Bark, Rose76, tigerlily84, ToeJam
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#931
Nov 12, 2013, 07:29 PM
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I am still doing good. I'm getting stuff done everyday. I hope nothing bad happens for awhile, cause this could represent a real long term improvement for me. You do have to work it . . . and I am.
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| Clara22, tigersassy, ToeJam
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| Bark, Clara22, Nammu, Shadow-world, tigerlily84, tigersassy
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#932
Nov 13, 2013, 03:33 AM
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I just don't know where I'm at today
 Some intrusive thoughts being battled with a 'get on with it' attitude... just hoping the latter wins out.
__________________
 Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK |
| Bark, Clara22, Nammu, Rose76
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#933
Nov 13, 2013, 09:06 AM
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Up since 5 a.m. Fighting urge to go back to bed. Get overwhelmed with the backlog of things I have to do . . . things that piled up while I was very depressed. As ToeJam above says, I have to just "get on with it."
It's a constant struggle to keep from getting "stuck" again . . . in that mire. |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, tigerlily84
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| tigerlily84
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#934
Nov 13, 2013, 09:17 PM
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Up. I'm going to bed early.
Down. I'm too depressed to watch tv or move into the same room w/ it. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22, Rose76
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#936
Nov 14, 2013, 06:21 AM
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To everyone else who is struggling at the moment..
up: finished all my assignments already, so i'm just free to study and finish up groupwork. met pdoc and he upped my sleeping medication.. i slept like a baby for the first time in weeks. down: not feeling good... appetite is totally on vacation, which i am really hating at the moment. also i'm pretty much angry at a certain doctor for looking up my medical records when he isn't my doctor, and he is from another hospital. that's illegal.. and i feel like my privacy is invaded so i'm pretty much affected by that. still pretty much sui so..  i hate this pain. i hate how i have to hide it so as to function normally in school. i'm really really tired.
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22, Rose76, tigersassy
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| Rose76
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#937
Nov 14, 2013, 07:19 AM
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I have no clue what I am. I'm really all over the place. My moods are totally taking over me, with little warning and by the slightest trigger. I don't know how to think anymore. I'm glued to whatever state of mind I'm in. I think I may need to go back on meds, but I don't want to. I just want to give up, but I can't. I don't know what to do.... I've spent the last two weeks or so wondering when I'm going to end up back in hospital. Life is just too painful.
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| Anonymous37807, Clara22, Rose76, tigersassy
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#938
Nov 14, 2013, 09:56 AM
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Up: I'm soon on my way to meet with my new client
Down: I feel fat today but know I'm not |
| Bark, Clara22, Rose76
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#939
Nov 14, 2013, 11:50 AM
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Down. Leaving PC
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| Anonymous37807, Bark, Rose76
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#940
Nov 14, 2013, 04:01 PM
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Going down in the last day or two. Oh.
__________________
I hear that song but something is wrong,
my mind’s a million miles away, oh, everybody’s going to the floor, maybe I don’t want to dance anymore, don’t want to dance anymore, how can you dance the pain away? <3 |
| Bark, Rose76
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#941
Nov 14, 2013, 05:11 PM
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I'm neutral today. I haven't really experienced any depression today, and it's been nice.
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| Bark, herethennow, Rose76, tigerlily84
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#942
Nov 14, 2013, 08:05 PM
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I'm still doing pretty good, which is really great that this is still lasting.
It was disappointing to me that my s.o. didn't really seem to appreciate me going over to his place to help him out with stuff today. He's never had much capacity for gratitude. I didn't let it get me way down though. I just came home and told him to call me, if he needs me for anything. (He's severely mobility impaired.) Now I'm home, and I don't feel bad today. This is the best I've felt in over a year. |
| Nammu, tigerlily84
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| Bark, tigerlily84
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#943
Nov 14, 2013, 09:06 PM
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Have several hours left to study for my exam. I guess it's a good thing I'm able to stay up late. Feeling burnt out, though. Then again, my mood's been cycling like the wheels on a bus, so I'll probably feel better in a bit. I'm reading everything for the first time, original articles at that. I don't have time to take notes or even read all the selections. Some I'll have to rely on distributed notes for. Hope they're detailed and sensical enough.
It's a make-up that I even got extra time to do. Don't feel like I deserved either, but I can't complain. Whether I'm prepared or not, I'm writing it. |
| herethennow, Rose76, tigerlily84
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#944
Nov 15, 2013, 09:04 AM
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up: managed to force feed myself. :/ sigh.
down: i can tick off all the symptoms now. anhedonia is back. appetite is on vacation. sleep has never been fantastic... sui is.. still in my mind and subconsciously i feel like i'm planning one. 
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| Bark, Marla500, Rose76, tigerlily84
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#945
Nov 15, 2013, 01:09 PM
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I'm just not in a good mood. I haven't been for days now. My raise, and everyone else who's been here a year or longer, was canned because the chief thought it would cost too much, even though we were promised this at the beginning of the year. So we got our merit increase, which instead of being the 4k that I was promised with the raise, was only 230 for the entire year before taxes, so that equates to maybe 20 bucks a paycheck before taxes. YET, the new hires all get to start out at the median wage, which is the wage at which our raises would have taken the rest of us up to.
__________________
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| Bark, Marla500, Rose76, tigerlily84
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#946
Nov 15, 2013, 01:29 PM
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I've been feeling down for about a week now. Stopped regular medications (which weren't doing much) for about a month in order to participate in a clinical study on depression. I think they're dosing me with a placebo or this new "cocktail" is having no effect on me. Extremely dark and moody for no particular reason.
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| Bark, Rose76, tigerlily84
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#947
Nov 15, 2013, 02:54 PM
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Got an email from one of my supervisors that I clocked out early by 10 seconds on Tuesday. You read that right, 10 seconds. Aren't there other things they could be doing? I didn't reply but I did save that email to remind myself how stupid my job is and that I need to get a new one or go back to school.
Despite that, I still had a good day. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Bark
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| Bark, Rose76
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#949
Nov 15, 2013, 08:38 PM
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Depression hitting me like a Mack truck. People can be so mean and destructive with words!
Sent from the pickle jar using TapaTalk 4.
__________________
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| Bark
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#950
Nov 16, 2013, 08:49 AM
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wonder whether there's any respite to this... tried to entertain self but everything feels so fake.
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| Bark, IcryWhoAmI
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