I can't make it stop.

I can't stop pretending, yet i can't do it anymore. Can I just please give up? I can't handle it. My dad called and i'm so glad he knew i had a cold or he would have for sure heard me crying. He's trying so hard to be supportive ... but i can't let him. I can't let myself open up. And the more i keep it in the more it hurts. I'm so confused about everything now.. who i am, who i pretend to be, what people see me as... why can't i just not care? Why can't things just be easy. Why can't i just be normal. Why does it have to hurt this much.

I feel like curling up in a ball and crying forever. I feel like screaming and throwing things. I feel like a lot of things... but can't do any of them. I'm so scared.

Are you in treatment for your depression? If so, call your doc or therapist & tell him/her about what you are feeling. You should not be trying to "tough it out" on your own. Your dad sounds supportive, but he can't give you medical or psychological advice. If you are not in treatment now, seek it out. There is hope. I've been where you are & I have seen a remarkable improvement in my moods & quality of life since on meds for bp.--Suzy

(((((((((((( jacq )))))))))))))

Please take care of yourself. It sounds like you are having a really hard time and I am sorry about that. If you need to talk maybe start going to therapy. A therapist will be able to help you through your hard times. Hang in there and good luck!

(((((Jacqueline))))))

I don't know what I could say that would help ... but that is what happened to me two days ago myself. Its not pleasant, and even though it seems like it, you don't have to go through it by yourself.

*hugs* please PM me whenever - if you ever want to talk or rant or whatnot.

(((( jacq10 ))))

DON'T GIVE UP!

Thanks for your relplies everyone .. (((hugs)))

And i do appologize for that post ... i was really not in a good frame of mind and i probably shouldn't have ranted on like that .. but i to appreciate your guys's comments. I am feeling a bit better today though ... and i have another meeting with my T tomorrow so hopefully i will be able to sort through some more things there.

No need to apologize. Glad you are doing a bit better today & the appt. with therapist tomorrow will be helpful, I'm sure.--Suzy

Nope.. This isn't the place for apologies.. here it is okay to be who or what you need to be.

Crying.. it is cleansing.. so I think it is a good thing to do... let it out.

screaming and throwing things is pretty normal too if you have anger within that is being stuffed... alot of people in therapy find a certain relief and satisfaction in punching pillows.. and screaming at top of their lungs.

i have even heard of people who buy dishes at a secondhand shop just to have them to throw and smash... it helps to release the anger and frustration.

There is nothing wrong with emotions, as long as you can let them out.. not hold them in where they build up and fester.

Anyway, we all have those down times so don't feel like you can't. You aren't alone here.. hang in there!

(((suzy))) & (((faith)))) .. thanks for listening. I mean i guess i technically "know" I'm not alone .. i just can't help but feel that way sometimes.

jacq10 never apologize its what you were feeling at the time

(((((((jacq)))))))))))))

((((((everybody))))))))))))

::does a dance::