[Grey Matter]

Today was my first chemo therapy treatment. I have been sick all night and I was really hoping my friends, through text message even, could be supportive of me and maybe tell me that this hell is temporary and they'll be there for me.

No one contacted me. The one who did said "we can't talk about it, I'm sick." lol you're sick? I just had straight chemicals put into my body and my brain feels like mush. I wish I just had a flu.

I feel so god damn isolated again. Like the only reason people contact me is because they feel bad. And just in case something goes wrong, they wont have the guilt of realizing they've been terrible.

I had no support today. The one day I have been dreading for a month. I am so angry and annoyed but who is going to care to listen anyway?

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry they didn't contact you. (Hugs)...

[Rosondo]

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

Today was my first chemo therapy treatment. I have been sick all night and I was really hoping my friends, through text message even, could be supportive of me and maybe tell me that this hell is temporary and they'll be there for me.

No one contacted me. The one who did said "we can't talk about it, I'm sick." lol you're sick? I just had straight chemicals put into my body and my brain feels like mush. I wish I just had a flu.

I feel so god damn isolated again. Like the only reason people contact me is because they feel bad. And just in case something goes wrong, they wont have the guilt of realizing they've been terrible.

I had no support today. The one day I have been dreading for a month. I am so angry and annoyed but who is going to care to listen anyway?

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this unpleasant procedure and also sorry to hear you don't feel you have any sort of quality social support. To go through something like this and also feel lonely is tough. Why don't you try to be more direct, tell people what you need., text them or call them and say you need support. Maybe they need reminders, maybe they're uncomfortable with what you're going through as you are with it yourself.

Obviously we don't know each other and maybe my suggestions are not that useful. I'm not sure if me sending my good wishes and a hug means anything to you but I'm gonna send it anyways. I wish you strength and hope and happiness.

[Little Lulu]

Being sick is a lonely place to be, no matter how much or little support you have. Hugs to you.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry TI that you are having to go through this with no social support. I have to admit that when I had chemo weekends no one really called me either. I think they were afriad to bother me. Chemo can be a lonely thing to go through because very few people have any idea how it effects your body and how bad you can really feel.

I had six rounds of chemo and on the third one almost called it quits, things got so bad. I did finally finish all six rounds but it was hell. And everyone doesn't realize it's cummlative and with each round it gets worse, because your body doesn't have enough time in between rounds to heal completely.

I don't know what they are giving you but I know it is serious drugs to rid the body of some of the most harmful things. I wish it hadn't effected you so badly, so quickly. I hope that things get easier, but mainly I hope it cures your problem. You are in my thoughts.

[Clara22]

It is just our society is going down and down. I just do not understand how this can happen at all. At least, do you have any physical help, somebody to do cleaning or grocery? is there any peer support you would like to participate in?
Sending my best wishes to you

[Pierro]

Sometimes people just don't know what to say. I am not excusing your friends, I am sorry you had to go through that alone. Best wishes to you.

[Grey Matter]

Thank you all so much, really. It means a lot.

I just am struggling to understand my "friends". I have two who I am so thankful for (one of which is my partner), who ask how I am and then sympathize, and then talk to me about something ridiculous that at least gives me a laugh. My partner came over this week and helped me make my room more soothing and comfortable before the treatments started and kept me calm. But these two go to school and I respect that and I give them the time they need for themselves because they have shown me such respect and care. With my other "friends" I feel like they aren't paying it forward. I know in this explanation I am going to make myself seem godly, and that is not my intention because I am far from it. I am more of a nightmare. Anyway;

I am known as the "rock" in many of my "circles". Including my family, my few friends, even at work. People come to me with their problems and I shove my own aside to help. When one of my friends got kicked out of their home, they stayed with me. When one of my friends, from canada mind you, couldn't take being around her abusive mother anymore, I paid for her to fly here and stay with me for a month. I have protected them, loved them, have been loyal. And now I am stuck with asking myself "for what?".

I do not do these things to be seen as good or decent. I was just taught that this is what friends do for one another. They go out of their way to make their friends safe and feel loved. I don't feel loved. If anything, I feel loathed. As if the fact that I am facing something bigger than a flu makes some of my friends almost /jealous/.

The friend from canada that I spoke of shrugs off every cry for help I give. Then she openly speaks of having a flu and vomiting when I specifically told her to stop mentioning vomiting as I have been for days and I don't want to think about it anymore. Apparently that made me selfish, self centered, and self involved. We got into an argument that she picked when I was CLEARLY in an emotionally and physically vulnerable position where she told me "you're not the only bastard suffering". I don't want to be known as the only person suffering. I just want, for once, for one of my friends to go "wow they may actually have it worse than me right now, I need to check myself and realize that."

But no one really has been willing to do so.

I had to put straight chemicals into my body and my "friends" choose to ask me advice about boyfriends and using me to vent at and I CAN'T handle it right now. And even when I say "I am emotionally unavailable today. I really can't be a help." I am insulted and called names and told that I need to just suck it up.

I feel so god damn alone and it's like no one cares if I drown in this. They are all stuck on this idea that life is a sepia toned romantic film and anything ugly (such as illness) cannot exist. Therefore I no longer exist.

[Martek]

A lot of people can't handle illness, it reminds them of how fragile we all really are. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope your two friends that are there remain faithful to your needs. Just remember that sometimes even good people have a hard time dealing with illness and they still may be thinking about you just may not be able to express it. Not to say some people aren't just shallow but who needs those people in their lives anyway. I wish you the best I have a lot of experience (through my father who passed, my mother who passed, and my sister in law who survived) with cancer and know how bad it can be. I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts.

[Clara22]

I do not know… Hope I will not be fired from here for saying what I am saying but I am 100 % with you. This friend that got offended because you asked her not to mention vomiting, come on! Chemo is not a simple headache or food poisoning! And you are the one that is self-centered? Where is her brain? While I lived in the US what stroke me more was how people had become egotistic, everyone had a program they could not alter for you or anyone, ever, of course with the exemption of very few people I had the pleasure to meet. Of course, I was in the capital city, people used to tell me that in the country side still you can find more solidarity and community embrace. OK, after more than 10 years I came back to my country, and, guess what? people are becoming more and more like I saw in the US. This is not acceptable to me. I thank that you have these 2 good friends. I hope when you get better you will not lose your faith in humanity and will do something to change this situation. It is not just your group of friends. It is something that is happening in our society, in our world. When I had my car accident, many years ago, I had many helping hands, even from people that I barely knew. We were poorer, but the majority of people were used to giving their time and goods with generosity, beyond what fitted their schedules or budgets. Reciprocally, my family (and I) were inclined to help others. We counted on each other in our neighborhood and group of friends. Even 15 years ago, when my father got very sick, several friends took turns to go to the hospital, do grocery, do cleaning, etc for months. That was invaluable.Even just recently that my mom was sick and passed away, people are helping, because here in my country I am related to a group of people that are very focused on community building, etc. (but I can see what is going on in general and it is becoming similar to your experience for many.). I wish you the best and please, keep posting