[Hellion]

Alright, I guess I'll try that anti-depressant my psychiatirst prescribed...it will probably just make me more anxious like all the other ones...but if I take it and that happens then I never have to try another SSRI again according to the psychologist because that would prove I don't react well to that class of drugs. So yeah if it doesn't work she will make note of it in my medical records.

I think medical marijuana would be the best thing...but we will see how things end up working out.

Today was a good day...all weekend really.
My daughter was at a dance convention and really had a good time.
It was awesome to see all the girls dance again...gonna be an amazing season!
Money is tight...that part sucks. These expenses are killing me!

[Hellion]

Meh, such is life

[noelle56]

Am still here, can't seem to catch up with myself, but am still alive. that's good.

[SimplyDee13]

Feeling on the downside today....been in bed all day. Just so much in my mind. I am in the middle of selling my house. Trying to stay positive and focused. That's when my anxiety kicks in. I have also been dealing with my debilitating endometriosis for which I just had surgery for this past December 27...so I'm still recovering from the pain. I have this nagging headache. So yeah today has been a down day for me. Blah!!

Dee

Sent from my KFJWI using Tapatalk HD

Forgot to take my meds for diabetes and blood pressure this a.m., I swear I will lose my memory completely soon I met someone new yesterday, but not sure its going to go anywhere, it was just nice to meet but was emotionally draining as I have extreme anxiety, hugs to you all, I admit tonigt too tired to read all of them, but hres a hug for all

[Hellion]

I feel pathetic and hopeless...I've posted a lot in this thread today.

[Bark]

Doing better. I was in a really bad place a few weeks ago. Gotta keep pressing on. If only I only had to work on myself and not worry about anything else....

I am bound and determined to keep a positive attitude today!

[herethennow]

feeling numb today. idk. guess it's a reprieve from the storm that was occurring. in good time too.. seeing T soon.

[StarStrike]

In college the tutor made us watch a documentary about parents who've lost their children to bullying. Inside I felt myself crumbling apart. I wanted to shout out. "Make it stop!" But I bit my tongue and sat there in silence, holding back the tears because I know how those children felt. The difference is, I'm still here because the guilt of abandoning my grandparents brought me back. Recently I've been dreaming about joining them, even though I don't want to. I think I'm getting worse... I hope I get moved up the list for this cognitive behavioural therapy because without any treatment at all, at best I'm struggling to cope.

[Bark]

Feeling down... trying not to get stuck in it. Is it partly or mostly caused by what's going on? I'm not sure. The thoughts have kind of been lingering around all day, though. Meh.

[Hellion]

Bla still feeling, rather depressed....but I feel like no one cares, so I am going to attempt to not care.

[Rose76]

Just want to do nothing. I have to fight it. Maybe if I get out of the house.

Thank you all for the hugs and for being here.
Its all in my attitude, and thinking. Life events are in the past, all I have in now. Not in much pain physically, so that is a plus, emotionally drained but hoping my sleep med works better soon.

Originally Posted by Rose76

Just want to do nothing. I have to fight it. Maybe if I get out of the house.

I hope you can, and that your weather is good for a short walk, it couldn't hurt. hugs Rose!

[mortalache]

I can't bear the loneliness anymore. I want to hurt myself every time it gets this bad where I can't breathe for how isolated I feel. I can't connect with anyone and it's long past began to feel like I won't break through this and belong anywhere.

[Rose76]

I never did get out of the house, and I have become pretty blue. Tomorrow I will have to do better.

[The_little_didgee]

I slept all day. It's 3:45 am, but that is okay.

[Rose76]

I've got to somehow motivate myself to get going. I start scaring myself with all the bad things that will happen if I don't get on top of things. But scaring myself isn't working very good toward motivation. I guess I need to find something to look forward to. Kind of hard to think of. It's sad.

[Raggedy Man]

I have recently given up my part time job, except for Saturdays, with the intention of working for myself from home. Now, I'm dealing with the motivation issue too. All I want to do this morning is to crawl back to bed or something worse. But if I don't get started, we won't have the income we need for the week.

I'm going to sit and catch up on here and have another cup of coffee or two and then get at it. Getting started will be the hardest part.

I seem to be feeling a little more optimistic lately. Maybe the increased Prozac is helping some . . . I sent my resume to a major corporation on a whim last week and actually got contacted by the General Counsel wanting to meet with me to discuss my background further! The job wouldn't be until later this summer, but it's a great opportunity and would be worth the wait!

[regretful]

I was in the hospital; came out on meds, then quit meds; now back in the misery of it all.

[tigerlily84]

I'm so anxious today. Thinking about asking my boss if I can go home. I don't feel in control of myself at all.

[StarStrike]

It hit me today... I'm just a nameless face in the crowd at my college. I've done such a good job at pretending I don't exist that none of the students even know my name. I was referred to as 'the one that draws' by another student wanting to see what I was even drawing. But I wasn't in the zone and I had no idea what I was actually drawing. Looked like a pokemon, but I don't know what. I wasn't really interested. I was just looking for an excuse to avoid speaking to my peers.

On the way home my dad phoned up. "How are you feeling today?" I knew why he was asking that. If I told him how I actually felt, he'd ask me what I've got to be depressed about again. So I just said that I was full of a cold. Then he said. "Besides full of a cold are you okay; not feeling depressed?" It was starting to irritate me. If I told him the truth, he'd make me feel bad for it. If I didn't answer, he wouldn't hang up. So I lied. "I'm fine." He believed it again... For the thousandth time, he believed a lie. And yet, I feel like a monster for lying to the man who has no empathy around me whatsoever.

Then I entered my home and found a letter at the back of the door. I opened the envelope and inside was a folded handwritten letter. On one of the folds is said. 'My element of loyalty'. Enclosed in the letter was a necklace and a wristband. It was from my boyfriend. The letter was about how I'm his hero and the fact that it was amazing what I did on Friday night and that I deserved these gifts. I'm not a hero though. I'm just human and humans get attached to people, especially when they don't have many friends. I still can't accept any of his compliments. I just can't see it. I'm not amazing. I'm not a hero. I'm a human who exists.

I feel like crying....