Feeling really sad this morning. I think it has to do with being with my family yesterday. It may sound corny, but when I'm in their midst and feel their love it's very comforting during this time of depression. I didn't want my brother to leave - - I just wanted to be able to go home with him and his family and have them take care of me. I know that may sound immature, but having the comfort of my family right now makes me feel stronger.

I did pull my brother's wife aside and tell her I was still in the depression that started early August, and I started crying. It just felt good to share that and say that out loud.

Now it's back to my boring, lonely M-F daytime life without a job. I just hate it. I have to hold on until a job comes through, and I think things will improve a lot.

[regretful]

I'm with the previous poster, Martek...I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's gone from depression to the point of hopelessness. I don't know how I got back here...

[tokiwartooth]

I'm back on my weight loss plan, after diverging from it for the holidays. I gained back 10 lbs lol.

[shortandcute]

Beyond depressed. In fact, "depressed" doesn't even cover it. Also in a lot of pain.

Ups....its not like a blizzard out here anymore, quite mild actually. Got some cleaning started, got work to do. Downs, always more than I should mention..I don't have the energy or appetite to eat anymore, however when I come across a thread that mentions some description of a tasty healthy meal, I almost get the desire to try to make something....

[Perfectly Broken]

Well I thought it was going great, I started playing video games again (which I have stopped doing since I'm so depressed). But today my sister let me know she is very disappointed, ashamed, and embarrassed of me. This is over the guy I'm casually seeing, sure I want a committed relationship but he doesn't want one. And now I feel lower dirt, she said everyone knows I'm his "flavor of the week." I started self-harming myself with a knife, it really burned and left red indentations but didn't actually cut through the skin. I guess this is why cutters use razor blades. I'm seeing my psych tomorrow, hopefully she can convince to me live because I just don't want to anymore.

[herethennow]

... all it took was a sentence to bring me down.

i was feeling okay... now? nope.
was so looking forward to taking a break from school to go work after finals. what did I get in the end? "oh because you're on medication, we can't hire you."

thank you HR personnels. you made my day. please do go try telling so to someone who has a chronic physical ailment.. like diabetes for example.

i hate facing the brunt of stigma.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by herethennow

... all it took was a sentence to bring me down.

i was feeling okay... now? nope.
was so looking forward to taking a break from school to go work after finals. what did I get in the end? "oh because you're on medication, we can't hire you."

thank you HR personnels. you made my day. please do go try telling so to someone who has a chronic physical ailment.. like diabetes for example.

i hate facing the brunt of stigma.

How... what....

This is only one place I hope? Can you apply elsewhere? That's ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

[IrishGreenEyes]

Day 2 back on Citalopram 20mg, feeling stoned

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by Bark

How... what....

This is only one place I hope? Can you apply elsewhere? That's ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

Yup. One place. But other places are around the same... "we can't accept you since you need to go to hospital regularly..." "i'm sorry we can't hire you..."

But this place has hired me before, and know that I worked really hard. Just sad though.

Feeling not quite so low today, as compared with yesterday. Not sure why. I will roll with it and enjoy it (while it lasts?) We're supposed to get 5-9" of snow today/tomorrow Yikes! I think I will still venture out to drive to an AA meeting though - - just to not isolate all day - - or maybe not.

[tokiwartooth]

I'm so tired that I am having a really hard time not falling asleep at my desk...

[SadPam]

Watching the snow fall as my tears do as well. I am home on administrative leave from work as my boss was reassigned and his successor asked his admin to relocate to support him and I'm in "limbo" while she decides; found out yesterday she'd decided to accept his offer, which leaves me out of a job. Waiting for them to call me to tell me is much is causing me great anxiety.

I'm sooooo tired of looking for jobs, and now at this age and in this sh!tty economy. I'm overwhelmed at the thought of it and the never-ending financial problems. Now that her decision has been made, the realization that I'm out of a job again has thrown me into a major depression. Last night I'd dreamed about it and today am so bummed I am struggling to get out of bed.

While not suicidal per se, a fatal heart attack would be welcomed. I'm so tired of the futility of life. I don't have much else in my life other than working and I'm a total unmitigated failure at it.

I have to do better for my kids. That's all that is keeping me going. My sons deserve a happier mother, I just don't know how. All the counseling in the world isn't helping, nor medications. I just want to have some energy again. My health is not good anymore, and today I will find out whether I have more things to worry about.

[tigerlily84]

I can't stay at my job any longer. I've been miserable there and it's been a great source of great stress and anxiety.

[Rose76]

Sore. Trying to not get depressed about it.

[herethennow]

it's just amazing how much you tried to build can be shattered within seconds. i'm sick of trying. i don't feel like trying again... i just barely scraped myself out of my crisis but now?

i just feel like crying all the time. i can't seem to concentrate on prepping for tomorrow's exams. and it's the last exam i have to take. but all i want to do is.. just attempt it. it all just feels right; it's like i'm meant to sui in the end.

i was contemplating on making an earlier appt to see pdoc but.. i shall just hang in there for a little bit more.

[tokiwartooth]

Still tired. But at least we have tomorrow off because an elder council member died and the Tribe gets paid leave. I'm definitely sleeping in.

Trying very hard to take my T's advice and not add insult to injury by saying negative things to myself because I'm in a biochemical depression. It does seem to be helping my self-image. It took me multiple sessions to actually INTERNALIZE the thought that I shouldn't view myself more negatively because I have a mental illness as compared with a physical illness. I am believing that concept and finally taking it to heart! Here I thought my therapy sessions were becoming just a waste of time. Now if I can just get some additional boosts from the antidepressant and starting work, I may be on the right path!

[Bark]

I don't know how I feel anymore. If I understood myself at all before, that understanding is gone now. I feel ruled by my mood, my thoughts, my anxiety. The state of mind I'm in now I can't comprehend. I have this urge to just give up. All I'm doing is hurting others, bothering others, making things worse for others... and I'm finding it impossible to see it any other way.

[Martek]

Not sure how I can be in a house full of people and still be so alone.

[themonster7]

All I want to do is lay in my bed with the lights out.

[notz]

Feeling like crap

[healingme4me]

My father said something to me, in a way, that ticked me off.
I'm sitting here, on anger...

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[TombE]

My depression is not going anywhere anytime soon. It's tough to deal with this when I did not trigger this depressive episode. It's hard to pick up the pieces that were a result of someone else's actions that I had no control over. Today I just want to hide.