I can't cope with the fact that there are no answers, there is no place to go for answers, and it's my fault that there are no answers.

I keep going from ok to depressed…I was ok until I started looking for jobs again. I'm afraid I might have to move (I absolutely love where I live right now…I might actually have friends and I know people here) or go get yet another Masters degree…because one obviously enough to get anything more than a job that everyone is qualified for.

[Bark]

I'm sick of mornings where I wake up feeling sick. I think I'm still going through withdrawal, although thankfully not the horrible kind.

Mood's been up and down. I slept early the other night, that helped. Got yet another extension.

Don't want to get up and go out, but I have to. I can't wait until the semester ends, but at the same time, I'm going to miss it.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Been feeling fine all week, except Wednesday when I came down with the stomach flu, that was awful. And except yesterday when I had to see some careers adviser who just had to point out my shyness. It's hard enough as it is being shy never mind people pointing it out and making me feel worse. I left the session feeling like I was about to cry. Now I'm just back to being miserable again, I hate this life so much

[healingme4me]

Melancholic, is sort of feeling light, this morning.

[Bark]

Ending up spending the day in bed. So much for "have to"'s.

I don't feel like doing anything but I feel like complaining about my problems to someone. I don't know why. I hate complaining about my problems. Part of me feels like hurting myself. But why? I really don't know.

I made myself start up some laundry. I don't feel like doing dishes or preparing food. Even easy stuff. Even ordering. I'm in the mood to feel worse about myself by making this a useless day that gives me more reason to hate myself which would make me less likely to do anything so....

After this post, I'm going to wind down whatever online chats I have open and not start any new ones. Basically isolate myself for the night. Because it seems all I want is a pity party, and I hate that. And I've been feeling like that for the past week almost.

Rereading this it sounds almost incoherent. I'll stop blabbering now.

[tigersassy]

I'm beginning to worry that my meds have stopped working. And I really don't want to go back to my dr and tell her all of the crap going in my head. Too much in there and far to terrifying. If I tell her im afraid I'll be admitted to a hospital. I don't want that but it's all I can think about. And now my big black pit of depression is going to open up and swallow me whole. After clouds nine all last month I crash and burn typical tig.

[SadPam]

Doing OK when I don't think about work - bought a couple gifts for my Angel Tree little girl, vacuumed, went for a long walk with my dog since it was 50 degrees in Chicago today, roomie made salmon patties for dinner, and now I'm in bed, my favorite place to be, surfing, reading, may call a friend.

Anxious about Monday; had been off of work for 2.5 months for depression and anxiety as my boss is a bully and triggered a meltdown; since I reported his bullying to HR and returned to work, he's bullying me worse than ever. Applying for other jobs, sent HR an email last week that I'm considering filing a complaint with the EEOC, but didn't share with them that I'm also thinking about going back on short-term disability to once again escape him and his abuse. Hoping they don't fire me before I can make a move one way or another first. Mean people suck.

[Rose76]

Starting to slip down a bit today. But I've not gone in to any real tailspin. So I'm okay.

[Bark]

Slept in, missed something important. Extremely pissed off at myself.

[Walrus33]

This was a bad weekend. My mother visited this week, and somehow her visit made me feel more alone. I reached out to her about feeling depressed, and she just said my problems are my own. I feel hopeless now. I haven't gotten out of my pajamas in days, I just watch tv to try to distract myself and cry. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm 4 months in and there's no light at the end of this tunnel.

I'm supposed to be visiting family for the holidays, but I don't want to go and be around more people who are just going to pretend I'm fine and nothing's wrong. It just makes me feel more isolated.

[Martek]

Still awake at 4am so I know today is going to suck really bad. When I get no sleep it always turns into a crap day, living on my sisters couch it's not like I can just sleep all day.

Ups: Just took the dogs for a walk with my husband, and soon we'll be going to a matinee movie.

Downs: this damn, lingering depression and the weight I've gained because of it!

[Idealsummerluvv]

Today is my day off. I've made a Christmas list and started shopping online. Picking up a toy @ Walmart for one of my grandsons.

My father is coming for a visit and we might catch a movie.
Trying to feel good.

I thought going to church today might help....but i just drove by couldnt bring myself to go in.... So I'm just sitting in my car crying...

I hate how I feel durng the holiday season!

[healingme4me]

G-d, that sinking, *blah*, feeling, settling in. heavy in pit of stomach, painted gray. Hard, to articulate, i hate it. Dread? Hmm, which December anniversary, comes first? Goes, straight into January...too many losses, to count on hands...suspect, parents divorce, comes first....

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[tigersassy]

So cloud nine is back with no reason that I can see. What the hell is this crap? I really wish that this all could make sense in my head. But then if that happened would I even need it to make sense? I think a visit to the dr is going to be in order in the near future. This is craziness to have to keep dealing with. I feel that tonight is going to be a sleepless night. what exactly is considered self medicating? But eh.... Can't sit still. Don't really want to either.

[herethennow]

Haven't really been on PC. Was busy.

I had some ups last week. I managed to get time for myself... but I guess I've been going against the current too much that now I'm just plain tired, and on the brink of giving up. My body isn't cooperating with me either; I'm aching top bottom and I just feel like crying. But nope, my meds blunted my ability to cry. Been down more this week...

I have to keep going, lest my assignments... *sigh* the people I face everyday is not helping either. And no, I'm not revealing my condition to them. I don't know how long I can keep this facade on... I'm tired. Hospitalisation sounds like a good idea now. I just want to run away. I just don't want to continue fighting.. for now.

Where's the strength when you need it the most?

But another up: I completed what I need to do.

But I'm tired.

Feeling like crap today. Lots of stressors and having a hard time dealing. Just want to run away from it all, but I know I must face it - - day after day.

[healingme4me]

Blah....feel blah

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[tigerlily84]

Work is stressful and is giving me a headache. Blah. Hope everyone is good.

[Martek]

Crappy day following a crappy last week, looking forward to another crappy week. I told my brother I needed a win in my life, the only problem is I don't have the energy to get myself in a place to get a win. I guess it is just a never ending cycle.

I am having a pretty good day so far - - a few good job leads, good session with T, finished my Christmas shopping, walked the dogs. I really needed an "up" day. Today when I woke up, I thought it would be just "another" crappy day. Just goes to show me that my mood can brighten when I least expect it!

[tigersassy]

Doing good. My allergy to poinsettias is going to make me crazy. My eyes itch like crazy. But my mind is racing. My nurse told me I should see my therapist and have her evaluate me and my mood changes. The good thing was he didn't seem to think it is anything so major but I need to get it checked out. It's going to be hard because I've slacked off going to therapy a but because I've been so up. My nurse also mentioned that I might be being hyper vigilant. I dint know about that. We'll see. I guess I need to move my therapy appt up from the 13th our deal with my moods..... Erg...

UPS
My new relationship
DOWNS
My ex

[bluedolphin92]

Well. It's been awhile. Wonder how many people here still recognize me...

Anyway, hard to believe it's already December. I've been feeling much better these past few weeks. This is probably the best I've been since April. Not sure how many people remember what I was going through a few months ago with my friend ignoring me. But he never did talk to me, and I'm just now starting to let go. The romantic feelings I once had for him are gone for sure. The friendship isn't quite as easy to let go of, but I'm still not sure if I want to let go of that completely. Regardless, the longer he goes without talking to me the less I think of him as my friend.

I joined an internet dating site a little while back. Met a few people from there, but either didn't feel a connection with the person or met someone who only wanted sex. Finally met the 5th guy from the site, who I went on my 3rd date with last night. It's been going quite well. I think he wants the same kind of thing I do, and I think he's here to stay for awhile