[phaset]

I got the results of my psych assessment last week. Asperger's, developmental coordination disorder, and possibly some very minor brain damage. I've been feeling calmer, more relaxed and less depressed since then. I don't think it's set in yet.

I'm sick today. I have a fever, sore throat, headache and I didn't sleep last night. I called into work sick. To the couch!

[tigerlily84]

Phaset - I hope you get well soon.

I called out too. I work in a call center. Enough said. Just don't wanna deal with it.

[healingme4me]

Not too much melancholy, today. Was sad when my employee called last night, her mil passed on, just had open heart last week, home, collapsed in her husbands arms, they'd known each other since childhood, in a way, beautifully spiritual. Last words, her birthday, i said, sounds like her Mom came to take her home, as she was with man she loved.
Will be a hard time, there.

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[tokiwartooth]

We're having a Xmas party tonight and he's going to be there. I bought a new outfit, I'm even wearing stockings and a skirt lol.

Don't want to feel this way anymore. Eating would help, but so would having an actual life, someone to spend time with....I'm a lonely old woman with a pathetic attitude. Smarten up self, this doesn't help you.....
I'm losing my desire for anything, I just want love, why can I not have that.
Time heals all wounds, my a@@, sorry...I'm angry. Too many people get away with hurting others, and feel no remorse themselves, where is justice?

[tigersassy]

Doing good. Up still but only tonight and tomorrow night then drs appt on wed. I hope she has some answers. I'm getting angry about everything still. Didn't get sad about my great grandfather passing away. I was more mad because no one in my family bothered to tell me until two days after the fact. Still not wanting to sleep but thats cause I want to go do stuff. But I have to sleep. I gotta be at work at 5:30 which means up and at em by 4am. It's already after nine but oh well.

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[PrisonBound]

Horrible. miserable. drained. exhausted. depressed. So soooooo tired of living this way. it's not living

[Knitnut]

Well, I was to go to Outpatient Intake at 9am on tomorrow, but I cancelled the appt. I will see what my therapist has to say about it when I see him tomorrow.

After my last Thursday appt I got to thinking...always makes me think. I went home and started back on my meds, not because I was told to do so, since that is a decision I have to make. It was stupid of me to stop just because of my two week trip home and hearing how, at the age of 65, my mother and sister continue to be so disappointed in me.

So I feel better and I don't feel I need to go to intensive outpatient therapy.

I did have something odd happen today. I have cervical (spine) spondylosis and three disc are pressing on my spinal cord, etc. I saw the neurosurgical Physician Assistant a week ago for the results of my MRI. I was told in had every right to be in so much pain and to come back in 2-3 months to see the neurosurgeon. When I went to make the appt the February docs calendar was not open yet. I was told that someone would call me at the end of January to book the appt.

So, today I received an appt card in the mail for February. I am trying not to read too much into this, but surgery was suggested last week. I guess the surgeon looked at my MRI and said...hummm.

I'm not afraid of surgery, I've had a lot of it since 1994, even though it is quite major...fusion of my cervical spine...C3-C7. As if I need more titanium than I already have; right leg, right foot, lumbar spine...bad car accident in 1994...young woman ran a stop sign. It was a big ouch for the next 10-months.

[healingme4me]

This only happens, when deeply emotional, scar tissue, my wrist hurts. How can I not be thinking it, but pain be so physical?
Dang, I've go to function. Ow.

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[wushuduck]

I'm struggling to get through the 'no purpose in life' phase, partly because I actually don't have a purpose in life...

[Martek]

I'm a useless human being.

[Rose76]

Having a hard time getting going today. I have to just make myself, or I will become depressed.

I'm glad my oldest is home for a very short visit, and will be worried for him as he will be traveling far north tomorrow... it still doesn't feel like Christmas...whatever that special feeling is I don't know.
I have a lot of pain, and am worried about my health.

I remain amazed at my progress and the changes in my life. I do wonder, though, if I have become too disconnected from remorse. I used to be filled with it...and the depression seemed to go hand in hand with it. The depression layer has been solved, but I wonder if I am still not totally connected with reality. There is much in my life I should be concerned about and I just don't frickin care.

[PrisonBound]

Currently blech....which I suppose is better than feeling suicidal.

Whatta sad life

[regretful]

Utter misery...again. Never wanted to be back in this dark head-space, but then, I suspect that nobody does...

Am trying to feel positive about my possible job and about the upcoming holiday celebrations. My low energy and lack of motivation lingers though. Just wish I was stable at this time . . . How I will ever pull off the holiday gathering at our house on Sunday, and Christmas Eve at my sister-in-laws with my low energy, I can't imagine. Why can't I just be "normal" with no mental health issues? Life would be so much easier. People without depression, in particular, have no idea what a drudgery it is just to make it through the day

[Pikku Myy]

Really depressed

Originally Posted by Martek

I'm a useless human being.

I think you owe me royalties for using MY name.

[Bark]

Watched funny videos, that was nice. Get rid of the distractions, though, and the thoughts come back. I'm going to slip up again, I know it. The stress is killing me. The stress of just living even. I'm just waiting for these days to pass... then we'll see. It doesn't look good. I'm being cryptic, I know. I've been feeling like I'll end up back in hospital for the past month or so. I can't live with myself. It's taking all I've got to keep myself together. The thoughts... the thoughts... they don't stop!

[tigersassy]

So it's been a whirlwind day. Had sleep last night thanks to a migraine and tylenol pm. Got to work on' time 5:30am. Got my work done by 8:30 helped others went to lunch/drs appt got referral to pdoc new med and adjustment on old med.... Then back to work it's been an up up day.

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[healingme4me]

Doing ok, today.

[Rose76]

Not depressed. Got the Christmas tree up. Have so much more to do and it seems beyond me. Glad about the tree, but way behind what I thought I would have gotten done by now. Have to fight getting discouraged.

My S/O could be a bit nicer to me. I'm getting tired of his jumping on me mad all the time, when I do so much to help him.

[wushuduck]

Feel horrible.

I didn't get anything done today, well, my son is looked after. I feel a little hopeful that I can find some joy in simplicity... maybe I don't have the event filled life that others I know have, but no more being abused by others may be worth being alone, for now... I want to believe I can make it alone.... but I'm thankful for the hugs I receive here and being heard is a great feeling. I also feel for all you here who are going through tough times..