[Rose76]

Sore from doing a lot of housekeeping in a short space of time. I can happily say I am not depressed. I think this will be a good Christmas for me.

[SilverNeurotic]

My stomach has been in knots for days. Last time i felt like this was before I moved in with my now husband. This time I can't think of anything relevant that is making me feel this way.

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[herethennow]

realised i've been super super super busy that i have forgotten to take my meds for awhile now.

ah no wonder i'm feeling sick. as in physically sick.

other than that, as always... i'm not too good

[Ganymede00]

So, I'm back to giving therapy another chance. I have an appointment on Monday at a clinic. And for my own sake, I'm starting to write things down again. Just to try to make sense of the mess in my head. I've been kinda avoiding even thinking thoroughly about what is truly bothering me for almost 2 years now because it just gets to be too much sometimes. The negative thoughts just keep coming and I don't always know how to put a stop to them. So I just gotta be careful with that.

[Phantasmagorical]

I'm up super late again and don't want to sleep. I'm super bad at identifying when I am depressed (I'm just bad with sad-type emotions in general, yayyy...), but I'm trying to be better about it. Today, I am depressed and it sucks. I really don't want to be depressed for Christmas, but it IS almost the end of the year, and I feel like I've done nothing. I mean, I HAVE done things, but the stupid voice in my head refuses to let me feel like those things were real things.

I'm just so tired of not doing things I should (like call my insurance to figure out what's covered therapy-wise), and not having energy, and avoiding all the feelings of guilt and shame. I'm really hoping next year will be a changing year. And not the changes that I can't look at and say, "Yes, that is CHANGE. Absolutely and for SURE."

...And this is the second post I've written for this thread and I'm trying to convince myself to post it and not give in to the voice in my head that says I'm just a bother. I really need to figure out a way to duct tape that guy's mouth shut. (Or maybe send some ninjas after him??? Anyone know some mind-ninjas?? Come on, don't hold out on me!)

[Bark]

Originally Posted by Phantasmagorical

...And this is the second post I've written for this thread and I'm trying to convince myself to post it and not give in to the voice in my head that says I'm just a bother. I really need to figure out a way to duct tape that guy's mouth shut. (Or maybe send some ninjas after him??? Anyone know some mind-ninjas?? Come on, don't hold out on me!)

I still get that voice sometimes (maybe a lot of the time... :P). Can't say it goes away, but what I do is think, well, some crazy part of my mind thinks it might be a good idea to post. And I'm crazy anyway. So I'll post and close the window. Then it just takes too much effort to reopen it. You can also ask yourself what you would do if someone else asked if they should post. Odds are you wouldn't think they were a bother.

Post away! I can't say I run the thread, but I like seeing posts from regulars and how they're doing, good or bad. And I think many others on here agree.

I'm going to post and close the tab now.

[regretful]

Misery has continued to be the dominant feeling in my life, and today is no different than yesterday other than the day of the week and the date of the month...This is terrible.

Feeling really depressed today. I am in such a rut of having the default activity of lurking/posting on this site - - mainly in the mornings. Not that this site is a bad thing - - it has helped me immensely to feel a bit of comraderie (sp?) and empathy from others. But I think I'm on it too much.

My depression has me locked into just a few activities. I have no interest in doing much besides PC and other computer-related stuff, going to 12 step meetings, occasionally a lunch with some friends, watching t.v. I have lost all interest in doing what most people would consider fun.

Today sucks because my husband has plans all day long and I have virtually nothing to do. I know you're probably thinking, "Well, just find something to do!" In severe depression, it's not that simple. I just hate my life lately. And this lingering depression just has me pissed off!

[healingme4me]

I am struggling, this week. I may, in a little while, try getting a little extra sleep. See, if the rest, reboosts my get up and go. The same get up and go, that got up and went.
Granted, I'm working through this, it's just certain thoughts nag at me. Lingering, wonderment. Why wouldn't there be? That's just depressing enough. My gd I've seen numerous attorneys, been busting my butt to make an effort at one of the most difficult legal requests....
Felt bloody awful, to realize...
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[SadPam]

Very depressed. Bullying boss was reassigned/demoted after making my life a living hell for months and causing me to go out on leave; while initially thrilled, it now seems his successor is bringing his own assistant which leaves me out of a job. My coworkers haven't even contacted me to say I'm being thought about, including the two I was most friendly with. Had a great interview with another company this past Thursday and was very hopeful; received a "we regret to inform you..." email last night at 9:35pm which made me cry. While I'm currently on a paid "administrative leave", I'm worried sick about a future income and medical benefits. I'm so weary of every aspect of having to have a job.

And dread going over to the DP's family for Christmas Day - his brother's wife and her clique of kids clearly don't care for me and treat me as a leper, others will be happy and I just am not, many of them have retired with nice nest eggs, the younger ones are having babies and buying McMansions, and when someone asks me about my job I'll probably start to sob.

Going to the post office yesterday to send a friend a gift card for Christmas set off a litany of memories of really nice gifts I've given to friends over the years and either received nothing in return, not even a card, or something cheesy with no thought given to it. It's amazing how these memories still hurt after all these years.

Life just hurts, but especially at Christmas.

[Knitnut]

My sons text woke me at 10:45 or I would stil be in bed. Here I am in my PJs for the day. Need to go nowhere. My neck is already telling it is not going to be a bad day pain-wise. I have had to give up my knitting and my fine stitching after 43 years, hopefully for only a few months.

Feeling sad. Today's Challenge question was for a word to describe today...silent

Probably wont eat much today. Feeling the depression sinking in. My pillbox is on my lap, need to fill my seven day box and take today's pills...don't care to, but I will.

Carolyn

[sunsetsunrise]

it seems I finally have lost hope. That is a dangerous place to be. Because it closes the door to so many possibilities. And yet, I do not know how to find hope anymore. Someone I love is very ill. And I am invisible. Ignored. irrelevant. I post on fb and no one even notices. That's how life is. Sorry to be so negative.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by sunsetsunrise

it seems I finally have lost hope. That is a dangerous place to be. Because it closes the door to so many possibilities. And yet, I do not know how to find hope anymore. Someone I love is very ill. And I am invisible. Ignored. irrelevant. I post on fb and no one even notices. That's how life is. Sorry to be so negative.

I wish you weren't feeling so low, and that your loved one wasn't so ill. But I'm glad you're posting here instead of keeping it all in. And maybe that means you still have some vestige of hope, that someone might be listening here, and that you aren't invisible, ignored, and irrelevant. I don't think you're irrelevant.

[Fuzzybear]

((((( SunSun ))))))
You matter to me

..... For what it's worth

Hanging on by my claws

[Rose76]

My heart goes out to those above who are beset by depression this Christmas season. Last year, I hadn't much of a holiday season as I was ground down with depression. This year finds me feeling the best I've felt in 3 years. I am so grateful to find myself in some sort of recovery.

Try not to despair. Things can change. My house is cleaned and decorated and I am happy, planning on having guests in. I remember when days would go by that I couldn't even brush my teeth. The drapes were drawn because I was embarrassed for anyone to even see into my apartment. It can be so awful and feel inescapable. But I've gotten better . . . at least, for now. It can happen to you, too.

I know I can lose this new found "health" of mind, if I don't keep making myself function. That's still hard at times. I start to slip back and get scared that I'm going back into the hole. The anxiety threatens to become awful, until I get doing something. It is kind of starting now, so I will finish the vacuuming I planned to do today. That's how I'm getting my life back . . . one little accomplishment at a time. I hope this keeps working for me.

Same poo, different day.
Life is just a pain sometimes.
This doesn't feel like Christmas to me at all!
I like the nice decorations and lights but its just all poo right now.
I'll get over it but last few days have just sucked!

I don't know what to say today, I just don't feel well, I want some peace... hugs to you all who struggle too.

[themonster7]

Flunked out of college, quitting my job tomorrow, and I can't think of a reason to ever get out of my bed again.

[regretful]

The misery continues...depression, followed by anxiety, punctuated by brief periods of sleep...and I woke up to a flooded basement...three days before what will likely be my worst Christmas (selfishly stated, because even though it's rough, I still don't have it nearly as bad as some)...

[tigerlily84]

I am in such a bad mood. I am miserable. Wish I had just stayed in bed.
I feel a deep tiredness. I slept 16 hours and I'm still exhausted. I haven't felt this badly in such a long time...

[tealBumblebee]

I've been doing very good these last few days.

I've gotten out of the house with bestieF quite a bit lately and even forced myself to go to her house (an hour away) for her graduation get together for the first time since we met seven years ago despite losing my phone and having to google directions before leaving. (The offer has always been extended, i've just never gone and this time I fought the urge to say no thanks).

bestieM and I had our first real not-awkward conversation for the first time in weeks since our fall out.

Went out to dinner/movie with a guy friend despite my urge to stay home.

S.h. has become pretty regular but in becoming more regular its become less impulsive/dramatic.

I stopped missing T as deeply as I had been.

All in all, life is getting much much better lately. Just in time for the holidays ;]

Feeling better today, maybe the huge ice storm put things back in perspective a bit, maybe I'm just allowing myself to not rehash all the old stuff and let it hurt me anymore...

[healingme4me]

This is the 'quiet/reflective' anniversary date. Glad I was reading the Tao, at the time. There's a ton of 'kharma' involved with what happened, how things happened, and needed to work through, at that time in my life, moving past anger towards the past, recognizing that life, the universe, the way, g-d, is rather mysterious in how life proceeds.
It was the night, my quote under my avatar stood out to me. Stayed with me. I'd written my mom, a long drawn out letter, citing several Tao passaged, yet, never delivered it, into her hands. I feel, I set it free, to the wind, not too long ago.
It shaped my world view. Not sure, I'll ever be the same, as I was prior to all of this. Toss in MS, with what I witnessed.
Literally, it was horrific, he'd mentioned his fear in October '99, surgery was in feb '00, my 'on' 'was march '00, he was bedbound by that summer. [the]Death itself, was peaceful.

[Grey Matter]

many ups, many downs.

[tokiwartooth]

I haven't been doing that badly, we got a new dog, she's a rescue from an abusive home, and she's just a sweet little love.