[seeminglyreal]

No matter what I do, no matter how much I try to better myself, it all goes back to ****. I can't stop thinking about how I wouldn't have to go through all this crap if I were dead. I wish I was dead.

I'm so frutstrated that the partner of this law firm has not yet responded to my email. If he's not interested, I wish he'd just respond and tell me so instead of leaving me hanging. I guess the best course of action is to proceed as though I don't have the job. (Or, at least, not jump to conclusions just because he hasn't responded yet. It still could turn out, but I shouldn't get my hopes overly up.)

[regretful]

Terrible feelings persist; no sleep for the past several days due to a new medication (generic lexapro). I have now switched from depression to anxiety. It's been rather unbearable, but at least I'm not in the hospital anymore. I do hope that this is just an adjustment to the new medication. If you don't mind, please say a prayer for me.

[StarStrike]

I gave away my lunch today. I didn't care for it. I came home and then I just started sobbing uncontrollably. I've only just managed to stop myself. Got a can of energy drink by my side... I think I'll make myself something to eat and then start on the washing up. I've procrastinated so much about it that bits of food left over on the dirty plates has started to grow mold. It stinks a bit too. So I'm going to get onto it. I feel exhausted...

[tokiwartooth]

I'm just glad tomorrow is Friday.

[seeminglyreal]

Boss yelled at me for something stupid and pretty much made me feel like the dumbest creature on earth. I wish I could just walk away and leave this ****** job (and life) behind.
Back ache and depression are killing me but I don't care about myself enough to go see a doctor.

[Raggedy Man]

Seeminglyreal, I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can empathize. I hated every single day of my job and my happiest day was the day I walked out of there for the very last time. All of those years of just trying to get through took their toll on me.

I wish I could kick your boss in the shin for you.

Hold on, friend. That's all we can do.

[Raggedy Man]

I'm doing slightly better today... well, at least I don't want to SI. My doctor rescheduled my appointment to Monday. I think I can hold on. I have a mandatory class in another city tomorrow from 8am to 4pm. It sucks, but maybe at the same time it will keep my mind off of my problems. And Saturday I am working my part time from 6am to 6pm.

Monday won't get here soon enough!

[Open Eyes]

I am not doing well at all right now. I have had so many bad things going on lately that I am very, very tired.

I have PTSD, which has depression as one of the symptoms. I am very depressed and low
right now and mentally exhausted.

[tigerlily84]

First day on meds. Well, lexapro knocked me out and I slept through all of my alarms (I am a notoriously heavy sleeper), and I was late to work. The entire day I was out of it and had a difficult time concentrating. I feel like I have brain zaps or something. I'm on the lowest dose too. Well time for another dose. I hope this will stop. I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow. Sorry for the weird post everyone.

[seeminglyreal]

Originally Posted by Raggedy Man

Seeminglyreal, I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can empathize. I hated every single day of my job and my happiest day was the day I walked out of there for the very last time. All of those years of just trying to get through took their toll on me.

I wish I could kick your boss in the shin for you.

Hold on, friend. That's all we can do.

Thank you so much for your support, Raggedy
I decided to skip work today so I wouldn't have to deal with him. Luckily, this is my last month at this job, I'm going away for college next month.

[regretful]

Very anxious and depressed today. Filled with regrets about past poor decisions that have led me to the state that I'm in. I cannot find relief from this depression.

Am very excited (but nervous at the same time) about a possible job that would start soon. I had an interview yesterday and it went well. I think a full-time job would really help my depression, which has already improved a lot over the past month or so. Today it's the dentist, laundry and facilitating a DBSA meeting. Out for dinner with hubby tonight.

[Webgoji]

Still alive!

I was one misstep away from ending up in the psychiatric ward yesterday. My wife had the police ready to drag me up there. Therapist and family therapy had me on watch last night, but I stayed out of the bathroom (except to actually use it) and kept myself in control. No sharp objects.

[StarStrike]

I turned my alarm clock off last night since I don't go to college on Fridays. Woke up in the middle of the night and it took a long time for me to fall asleep. My brother's mobile woke me up early this morning. I fell back asleep and woke again at 10am, feeling drained. My dad phoned up while I was eating breakfast and he made me feel worse as usual. He made it sound as if I was lazy because of waking up late. He doesn't get how I can still be tired no matter how late I get up. I went shopping for my grandparents. The strong wind and heavy rain took my breath away. By the time I got home I was frozen. I'm so tired, I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years.

[tigerlily84]

Feeling better this morning. Even though my medication made me feel really out of it yesterday (not to mention nauseous), I took it when I was supposed to last night and woke up feeling better. Today is my day off from work so I slept in. I think that may have made the difference. I still don't have much of an appetite though. I guess I should eat something.

[The_little_didgee]

I thought, I was getting better. My feelings have mislead me. The sadness is starting to mutate into nothingness. I feel nothing, until the moment something irritates me. Then I want to explode even if it is something minor.

[IcryWhoAmI]

What's the point of my existence?

[healingme4me]

Not close to down, today. First time, in God knows how many years

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Nammu]

I'm still stuck in the zone of void. My mother has no wirerless connection, no DVD, not even VHS! Cable? Nope. Been reading lots of books, every time I'm ready to leave something comes up. Mostly it's the weather, but sometimes it's human needs or sickness. I'm so used to living alone I have no protection from any of the mild colds my grandson picks up at day care! But it's looking like Sunday might be a good day to start driving. I was leaving today but there's a storm in Iawa, apparently. It's been too long since I've had to drive in winter weather and I'm not going to take chances with the rental car, if it was my old heap I'd go for it. I'm soo longing to get home.
I have to say I've learned a lot I never knew about my father. Apparently he threatened many times to kill himself ---- he always had so much dislike for psych fields and know I understand why. So much more I need to have some alone time to process it all.

Can't wait to chat with everyone here. Hope you are all doing well.

[Raggedy Man]

Still here... my class today was boring. It was hard to get through the day. Tomorrow I have to get up and go to my part time job at 4:30 and I will be there until 6pm. Then I have to get through Sunday, and Monday I see the doc. I'm still hoping they can get me on some medicine that will help. I haven't had a case of depression this bad in 5 or 6 years. Something has got to give.

[mortalache]

It may be better for me to stop trying now. The effort of keeping up hope anything better will happen feels so ridiculous to me now. I'm just tired of being here, pretending.

[penguinh]

I've crashed back down after doing well for a month. I'm so disappointed in myself. Half of me is saying pick yourself up you can get back to the mood you were at before and the other half doesn't even want to bother because things are ****.

[SomethingSomewhere]

I've had a cold for a week. Not a big deal, I just feel really tired and uncomfortable. I've been sleeping a lot but I still feel exhausted. Emotionally I'm irritated and bored. Feeling unfulfilled is typical for me, but now I'm unemployed, unable to pay my own bills, living with my parents at the age of 25, and running out of things to keep me occupied.

[mulan]

Hating myself badly. I'm not even a human being. I have some people around me and I feel alone. for years in a cold desert. Not feeling most of the time desatached, not sure if I want to feel. And the thing that maybe hurts me the most is pretending. I feel like I'm lying to the people around me which care about me, pretending I still like and care about them when all my life was like they even exist.
I don't think I'm capable of being a decent person for many reasons that I don't want to talk about. Everyday is a fitting: trying to acomplish what the world tells me to do and fitting with myself, just a stupid existence.