coming back to life

I thought I was doing so well off my meds. I struggle with routines, so taking meds drops off the list sometimes. This time I just seems to be doing so much better that I just never refilled my prescription.

Then my uncle passed and I was numb to it. I rationalized it by saying that I didn't know him well. Which is true but I did know him. Then my friends cousin, who I knew a little, committed suicide. This made me take a look at what was going on around me.

I had no energy to get out of the house, I couldn't stay on task at work, the kitchen (and well the whole rest of my house) look so bad. I had issues staying on topic in conversations. All symptoms of the way i get when I let things get bad.

i have to take responsibility for this. I do because I'm the one who knows she needs her pills and knows that I will be on them for life. I know they make me function more normally.

Luckily I was on day six of my meds when my boss talked to me yesterday about my internet and iPad usage (which tends to be where I go when I can't stay on task at work). My meds are helping enough to keep me stable. I can fight back my urges to go off the rails. My mood is better. I see things again. I can't go off my meds again. this is nuts.

I think the next step for me is to find a therapist. Something I didn't think I needed but am starting to see would be a good think. My mental issues aren't going to go away. I need to learn how to work with them. because the fact is I have mental issues.



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It took me a long time to accept that this is my life. Depression isn't a choice or a lifestyle really. It's a chronic illness. It's comes and goes in cycles, but it is always present.

I had to stop looking for a cure, and accept that I need to find a way to live healthy and productively to the BEST OF MY ABILITY. End of.

I'm still working on finding my way. I hope you find a way that works best for you.

I agree with paynful. I have spent the last twenty years really battling this disease. Every med and combination thereof, and every form of therapy. I could give you a very long list. A year ago I was in a very long very deep depression and had lost all hope. I have realized recently that i have always been expecting a cure. After having found no cure after all these years I was deeply disappointed. I have a long term chronic disease that i have to live with and manage, whatever that might look like. I currently don't know what it is gonna look like in the long run.

I agree with paynful and zinco. This is a disease - it's a battle - cure? For me, it was employment...now I don't know what to do, or what this is going to look like in the long-run either. I am not looking at this too clearly right now because my depression is deepening, despite medication. But, Justzeek, find a therapist and open up to them. Depression is treatable. I recovered once; I'm determined to recover again.

The way my doc described my depressive illness opened my eyes a little to the reality of my situation. He said, "An illness of the body causing the same degree of disruption to day to day living as depression would be regarded by society as a disability." I've always accepted that my depression will remain a part of me even when I'm "well", but I can be hard on myself for not meeting my full potential. My doc's words seemed to suggest that I should be kinder to myself. Get yourself whatever support you need to come through this episode of depression,