[Bigmike727]

Today was great, I had a fun time partying with friends, the best I've felt in a long while.

[glok]

Not much ever changes.

[lizzyjb]

Benzo doesn't work. Can't sleep again. Nightmares and another night shivering and screaming. Now I'm so tired but can't sleep for a while.
Desesperated, want to cry but I can't.

[regretful]

Depressed...depressed...de...preseed. Never thought it would be this bad for this long.

[shortandcute]

tiredI found out via phone call yesterday that my state cash benefits are approved, but then I got a notice in the mail saying that my medical benefits are stopping. Confused.

[mulan]

Super tired right now. In the process of cooking dinner...It feels like an heavy, heavy task.
Anyway. After a terrible day, and an afternoon that I "wasted" walking by my city, instead of studying, because it was to much for me...I had a next busy busy busy day, almost studying unstopbly (???) from 9:00 am to 4:30 am. Now I'm here with four years of sleep, probably the same amount of time I had slept in this week previous days. And thank god, my next exam is two weeks from now. And I hope it to be the last untill next fall.
Just to say that I'm really tired, but at least I finally have some free time to my self. I never drank so many cafeine in a day...I felt so unprepared for the four in one exams I had to do today after lunch, that I quit my study in the moorning.

In the end it didn't went so bad as I thought it will be. Not my best, but better than I was expecting. I should had done more exams from previous years, yes, the imagination of my teachers is not one of the best...

Yet another day of depression. Same old, same old. Not looking forward to the weekend. Nothing to do. At least during the week I have my routine of facebook messaging with one friend and emailing with another, AA meeting and t.v. afterward. Weekends I feel lost and lonely, even though my husband isn't working. I feel lonely because he isn't depressed, has so many hobbies and activities, and I'm left holding the bag. I abhor it.

[Bigmike727]

Well today has been a total drop from last night. Went from feeling extremely well to being suicidal again. I wonder if I have to live my life like this forever.

[LynneH]

I hurt so much that I just wish I didn't feel anything at all.

[pisces22]

I had been feeling anxious and depressed all morning. I started feeling better and decided to take a shower after about a week of not doing so. My hair was oily and very smelly. Just a tad bit embarrassed. I also accompanied my sisters to the store and got pizza on the way back. I can sense some anxiety creeping in right now but I hope it goes away. I've been trying this technique my therapist taught me and I'm trying to fight off those intrusive thoughts. I'm trying to stay positive.

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[TheOriginalMe]

So, I told my doc more about how I've REALLY been these past few weeks, it didn't help me and he can't do much about it. Trying not to let this trigger me, one thing I can say is that my better mood from yesterday has evaporated.

[Nammu]

Back to the same old, same old. No reason to get up, no reason to do anything, but I'm no longer suicidal so I guess that makes some people happy......not me.

[msbunnyryu]

I want to live. I want to live. But that ***** is bringing me down to the fall. If I lose the war, I won't able to live. I need to win the war.

[herethennow]

is on a downhill.

Still feeling quite depressed but going to a music festival with my husband today, so hopefully I can eek out some measure of enjoyment there. Also went to an ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting this morning. Just trying to keep busy so as not to fall further into the abyss.

[JustTvTroping]

I got free food from school and got addicted to some songs I found yesterday, so I'm a little happier than usual.

[glok]

Life is hard. I am coping as best I can.

[Nammu]

Still in the rat race, running as fast as I can on the wheel to nowhere.

[mulan]

Don't know what I'm doing...Why days go by so slowly?
I think I'm to much over sharing.

Have I ever said that my father was by far my idol when I was growing up. That I admired him so much that I grew trying to be just like him?

This is what my day was about, thinking about everything about me that came from him and from his example. About how I was (don't know if I still am) his favorite child. And remember some particular moments like the one he made me go with him to the house highest floor, turned off the lights, turn on the stereo with on of his old favorite songs, and the two of us sitted on floor listening to Cockney Rebel songs (I think it was it, not sure). And he told me to be in silence and close my eyes, because this was the best way to apreciate song. Looking back in time I think this is was a sweet moment.

I remember this today because I can see many of my father's influence on my taste about music in particularly, and the many of the songs I like the most, or the bands, I knew them through his playlist.

[TheOriginalMe]

I chose sleep today, the choice was anxiety or sleep. I can sleep at will at anytime during the day, but never at night, even if I stay awake all day I still lie awake at night.

[Bigmike727]

All in all, today has been pretty uneventful. The search for a job resumes on.

[tigerlily84]

Back to feeling like crap again. I got into it with my mom today. She asked me to do something when I already had plans. She gave me a guilt trip and I relented. Now I'm running late and I'm mad at myself and her. I need to work on my boundaries.

[dandylin]

Why do I volunteer for so many things and then end up resenting having to do what I volunteered for?

[ashland]

i wish i could go back to school as i went to college for 2 yrs to be a surgical technologist and paramedic at the same time. that's when i was smart . i forgot everything i learned. i was working for 20 yrs then my illness hit and i had to go on ssi/ ssd plus i work moping floors 10 hrs a week. here i made 35,000k yr to peanuts. so i do know medicine quite well but i cant spell lol.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Back to feeling like crap again. I got into it with my mom today. She asked me to do something when I already had plans. She gave me a guilt trip and I relented. Now I'm running late and I'm mad at myself and her. I need to work on my boundaries.

It feels like my mum has taken over my life, I've been feeling so bad about it, sorry that you're in the same boat, but I'm glad it's not just me.

Tried to do something good, got into a row with my mum. I apologised but I'm still waiting for her to reciprocate, I'm waiting for an apology from 2 weeks ago too. My depression robs me of so much life that I need to seize whatever time I have when my mood is benign, if that doesn't suit anyone else why should I apologise, yetI do.