[tigersassy]

Feeling like crap. Depression is running rampant. I just want to go sleep the day away. Might crawl into the closet to feel safe. I hate this. I've succeeded in making my wife mad and we've only been awake for a few hours.

It's very hot and humid outside, which is not common at where I live. So I'm not used to it and I never liked heat and humidity. I just don't feel like doing anything. I really hate this time of year for many reasons.

I went to church today and it felt "anti-climatic" for me because I had been considering leaving it. For now I have another church in mind. I want to leave where I've been going (I had been going for three years) because they have some new policies now that I don't support. Plus I had been wanting to leave there anyways.

I got together with a friend just briefly. We were going to have coffee together, but I couldn't agree to where to go because I didn't want to be inside, and it's too hot outside. I mentioned to my friend that I had not heard from my brother because I think he's mad at me. I told my friend that my brother gets mad very easily about the tiniest of things. My friend concluded that he must have had a rough childhood; and then he asked if I'm the same way. It upset me when he asked me that. And then my friend went into saying that my problem I have with other people is that I had a bad childhood and it's a reflection on others. He may be right, but I didn't care to hear that.

[waterknob1234]

Enjoyed serving at my church today. Depression combined with migraine headaches have eaten my soul away. I am running out of good reasons to keep on living with this pain.

[maddnessreturns]

In bed sick isn't helping me get stuff done or helping my mood.

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[TheOriginalMe]

Another good day. I went with my borther to the road where the Tour de France was passing by, we left some chairs there to reserve our places and then went home to watch the early footage on TV. We went back to our place to watch the race pass through about an hour later and our chairs were just as we'd left them. I just love the basic good nature that comes to the fore at big events like this. There were lots of families with children and a real party atmosphere, I actually felt like I belonged to a community today.

I am a little flat now after such a big weekend, but I made it and have had two days of good relief from the depression. I have a big three day show next week, so that will be another break for me too.

I felt like I made myself a dull day today. I wanted to go on a long bike ride, but it was too hot and felt slightly under the weather. Many years ago I had dreams of Tour de France as TheOriginalMe was talking about. I used to do a lot of biking years ago. I'll try to do more when the weather gets cooler. Well, anyways, I just went on a one hour ride and that's it.

I went to the pool area tonight pretty early. I went at 7:15 PM and it looked like mid-afternoon. I like to go there when it's dark outside. I miss the winter months when it would be dark early and nice & cold outside. I had the pool to myself which was nice, but there was a little party at one of the tables. It was three couples and it seemed like they were having a great time. It does pain me to see that because they seemed so happy and I feel very alone. It's like; why am I so alone?

Getting ready now for a full five day work week. I shouldn't feel sad about having to go back to work after a long weekend. I am thankful that I have a job. But the job gets boring sometimes, even though I like it. I wish that the 4th would have come on a Monday instead of Friday.

[Slightly]

It is Summer and that means being out in the Sun all day has fried my brain to the point of losing sense of my emotions. I feel a very numb, head in clouds, sense of (dare I say?) contentedness. Now's not the time for full on depression, that comes later.

[SoupDragon]

I'm just not sure if I can continue to bear this. My T feels a million miles away and I am so tired of fighting the thoughts.

[Hellion]

Meh I have been in a somewhat crappy mood...but probably due to being tired.

[Nat92]

Feeling a bit stressed, economic issues are tiresome! Other than that I'm feeling ok, tummy still aching and the weakness/lightheaded, but I managed to eat a bit.

I wish the best for everyone. <3 Hang in there.

[regretful]

Depression again...what else is new...?

[tigersassy]

Feel how I felt yesterday. I wish I was through this and further along in dealing with all of the stuff on my plate. I can't focus. I don't want to do anything. I've been thinking too much about things I can't change. I need escape my head for a while. Sleeping just isn't cutting it. I was up and down all night last night. My body is probably yelling at me for sleeping to much. I just want to be done dealing with this.

[MysteryMade]

^^^
I couldn't have said it better if I tried.
"I just want to be done dealing with this" too.

[Shadowdove]

Oh lordly ME TOO!

I just wish I actually had someone caring and compassionate to just talk to for about 12 hours.

I am such a wreck I can't even stand myself. Not eating much, not sleeping much, haven't had a shower in a week.

I can't shake this off AND honestly it's stupid to feel this way.

I feel sick and a little out of control. I keep making an a.s.s out of myself screaming seriously horrid things. I can't stop! I am hurt, angry and just cut adrift from my life now.

It's all just too much and I don't think I can take it anymore. I'm stuck. And in too much emotional pain.

[Grey Matter]

I am feeling like my zoloft isn't working anymore and the dosage needs to be upped. My dads in the hospital again so home life is back to being broken and hellish. I really need a break.

Today, except for getting up occasionally to do stuff my depression rendered me bedbound until about 10:45 a.m., when I had to go somewhere. That's after going in bed at 5 p.m. last night. That's about 18 hours in bed with a few ups. My poor functioning is really starting to scare me. How much worse will my functioning get? Will I be able to get out of bed tomorrow?

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by newgal2

Today, except for getting up occasionally to do stuff my depression rendered me bedbound until about 10:45 a.m., when I had to go somewhere. That's after going in bed at 5 p.m. last night. That's about 18 hours in bed with a few ups. My poor functioning is really starting to scare me. How much worse will my functioning get? Will I be able to get out of bed tomorrow?

I hear you. Most days I don't bother getting dressed...what for? But today despite the iron fist in my stomach and jelly legs I called the PHP that I interviewed at last week and found out he had yet to call the interpreters but promised to do it today or tomorrow. So I'll see. Perhaps there will be a reason to get up?

I really feel that I need this. I too am worried about how little I care for life and lack of motivation. I sometimes think that if I die the only reason they will find me is because the rent is overdue.

[TheOriginalMe]

A very flat day after two busy days. I guess faking it can only work when there's a good reason and a backdrop of good vibes. Still two days off from depression is two days off, I'm glad for the respite. Tuesday until Thursday will be busy too, so here's hoping.

[birdpumpkin]

Really anxious - scared. We owe property taxes. It seems like you get one worry taken care of and then there's something else. I'm so weary of worrying. I saw a pretty stepping stone today while out paying the electric bill that had a deer on it and had the Bible verse "Be anxious for nothing" and felt that was there for me to see. It seemed almost on purpose. But yet I can't stop. There are too many things to worry about!!

[Pikku Myy]

I feel like disappearing ... life sucks

[PortPower2004]

This morning I was a mess, unsure how I would get through the day. But at the moment I'm feeling okay. I'm functioning.
I'm new here and just posted my intro and the supportive response I got was amazing. It helped.

[Liquid02]

Got through my first solo day on my route. Felt good not to have someone breathing down my neck. My Anxiety I down from last night.
Overall I am feeling OK except for a headache that I always seem to have. But I will call it a win.

[Hellion]

Not too bad of a day, I was kinda grumpy earlier....but went and chilled with my brother, had a couple beers with a dude we ended up talking to about concerts and music and stuff like that...then there was quite a storm starting when I headed home which was pretty cool looking.

[glok]

Hanging in there.

[SoupDragon]

l feel like a fish that has been caught in a net. I have been struggling to get out, thrashing around, being scared, angry and frustrated. Not wanting to be in that net, but unable to escape. So now l accept that l will never escape. l will stop the struggle and lie and wait, feeling numb until l am no more.