[waterknob1234]

Another rough day. I am getting tired of the bosses fussing at me when I am doing my personal best. Migraine headaches came back. I am beginning to feel like I'm "losing it" like I am going crazy. I had some suicidal thoughts this afternoon after work but I quickly told myself all the reasons why suicide is a bad idea. Hoping these feelings pass soon.

[Espresso]

I had a good day today. It was the first one in a while.

[Bigmike727]

Another day I guess, drifting listlessly through life.

[glok]

Yes, there are ups and downs ... I am doing okay.

[eggplantlife]

Feel so lonely

[regretful]

Depressed...sleeping okay, but lost my appetite. I'm really afraid that this is going to last forever...

[KYHY]

Trying to fend off a panic attack right now. I wish I could figure out what triggers these. I can feel it starting, but don't know what "started" it.

[birdpumpkin]

Been waking up depressed rather than anxious the last few days. Just had a couple good cries in the bathroom. It's hard right now while my son is home from school for the summer. I have to try to be sneaky when I feel the tears coming. Was sleeping on my husband's pillow after he went to work this morning and thought how flat it was; and in our other house before the fire he used 3 pillows, so that set me off. It's like you want to go home so badly but can't because it's gone. I miss my other home so much. Then something about Hurricane Sandy on the Weather Channel, so that set me off again because I brought my Sweets in the day of that hurricane because we got snow. I put him outside for the day and he didn't like the snow, so I just brought him in to stay with me for good. Only had him inside with me a year and a month before the fire took him, and my other cats, away from me. I just don't even like to hear about the hurricane now. So - just feel really sad and tears today.

[TheOriginalMe]

An awful day. Had to see a different doctor as my usual one is on holiday. The doctor I saw is nice enough, he referred me straight to the gynaecologist even though my scan results aren't back yet. He said there is no point waiting for scan results while my symptoms are so inconvenient, whatever the scan shows I'll need treatment and by the time the appointment comes through the results will be available. My liver tests were all normal so that's good too. However, he didn't even ask about my depression, despite writing me another 'script. I really needed to talk but I didn't have the capacity to initiate the conversation so I'm stuck for another two weeks until my usual doctor gets back. Even if I made an appointment with someone else before then I just don't have it in me to begin telling someone new.

[maddnessreturns]

Really bad past few days. Going to the doctor tomorrow to hopefully get some help more help. My current meds aren't cutting it.

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[RunningInTheRain]

The last week or so has been trying. "Recovery" from depression is a much bumpier road than I'd expected, especially after the weeks of essentially bliss that I went through at first. I'm trying really hard to keep myself afloat here because I really want next month to be my last therapy session...but I'm definitely on the line between giving up and seeing how much more I can take.
***POSSIBLE ED TRIGGER WARNING***
I'm also struggling a bit with food lately. It's always been a very prevalent issue with my family, people constantly complaining about their weight, obsessing over what they eat, complimenting me on how I look, and me not agreeing with a word they say... It's gotten to the point where I feel so guilty if I eat anything less than pure fresh fruit or vegetables. Even whole grain bread is starting to become a problem. Part of me wants to just stop eating sometimes...

[kittyfaye]

Been sleeping horribly, or not at all. I feel like I'm a failure at life and nobody likes me. I feel stupid. I think I'm going crazy. My brain never stops. If I'm not talking in my head, there's random song lyrics going rapidly through my head song after song after song. I never feel at peace. I live in a town where there are no pdocs within an hour away. There's no support groups here either. I'm all alone.

[JustTvTroping]

I'm in somewhat of a dulled state. My appetite has gone down a little, I can't think as straight as I usually do (even after eating something with honey on it), I just feel like sleeping for longer periods of time when I can't (I already usually sleep for 8-10 hours), and I'm even going back to having small panic attacks again.

The only plus side is that I've been chosen as one of the many people to audition for voice acting roles on a project on Youtube. I can't say much yet, but I hope I can get a part.

[essdee]

Originally Posted by kittyfaye

Been sleeping horribly, or not at all. I feel like I'm a failure at life and nobody likes me. I feel stupid. I think I'm going crazy. My brain never stops. If I'm not talking in my head, there's random song lyrics going rapidly through my head song after song after song. I never feel at peace. I live in a town where there are no pdocs within an hour away. There's no support groups here either. I'm all alone.

You're not alone. It may be the Wellbutrin. I started it recently and am getting terrible insomnia, or I wake up too early and can't go back to sleep because my brain is going, going. The other night I laid awake for like an hour, with a Jimi Hendrix song that I don't even like that much repeating endlessly. I know I'm not a failure, but I sure don't feel that way; I often feel totally worthless.

Anyway, keep looking for answers. I will, too.

[Bigmike727]

Today was fine, although I am finding I am becoming more self conscious about my weight. This Zyprexa has me eating all the food in the house, in one year I've gone up several pants sizes, my old shirts do not even fit me well anymore.

[TheOriginalMe]

Sleeping and ruminating, that's how I'm spending today. At least the anxiety has faded so what I'm left with is the familiar lumpy bed of depression where I can't get comfortable but the hollow in the middle is shaped to accommodate me.

[regretful]

Oh how I wish that one day I would be able to write something good here. I've been so low for so long. Life isn't supposed to be like this...I really hate depression...

Just another day of crushing depression and wasting my time. Nothing changes. Lonely, bored and unfulfilled. I hate this depression and what it's done to my life and how firm a grip it has on me. I HATE IT!!!!!!!!

[cherrykix]

Horrible day at work. Let's just say a customer acted inappropriately. Right now I'm feeling worthless, demeaned, and incredibly depressed and triggered.

[lizzyjb]

Horrible day. A lot of troubles. So anxious and Tired. Please i need a break.

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by cherrykix

Horrible day at work. Let's just say a customer acted inappropriately. Right now I'm feeling worthless, demeaned, and incredibly depressed and triggered.

I know how you feel. That happens to me at work. People seem to be getting more rude and demanding and hateful. I don't get it. Hugs to you.

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by kittyfaye

Been sleeping horribly, or not at all. I feel like I'm a failure at life and nobody likes me. I feel stupid. I think I'm going crazy. My brain never stops. If I'm not talking in my head, there's random song lyrics going rapidly through my head song after song after song. I never feel at peace. I live in a town where there are no pdocs within an hour away. There's no support groups here either. I'm all alone.

I just noticed you are on the same meds as me. My pdoc just started me on wellbutrin 150mg 2 per day. He also increased my buspirone from 5mg twice a day to 10mg twice a day. On some level the wellbutrin seems to be helping me but I also notice I am not sleeping well since I started taking it. I wonder if it has stimulant properties. You are not a failure and you are not stupid. I think depression makes us think that about ourselves and all we have to do is have one negative encounter with somebody and that reinforces that feeling. I wish and pray for all of us to obtain peace.

[maddnessreturns]

Debating inpatient or hospital. Between the depression and eating disorder it feels like I'm dying a slow death.

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[kittyfaye]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

I just noticed you are on the same meds as me. My pdoc just started me on wellbutrin 150mg 2 per day. He also increased my buspirone from 5mg twice a day to 10mg twice a day. On some level the wellbutrin seems to be helping me but I also notice I am not sleeping well since I started taking it. I wonder if it has stimulant properties. You are not a failure and you are not stupid. I think depression makes us think that about ourselves and all we have to do is have one negative encounter with somebody and that reinforces that feeling. I wish and pray for all of us to obtain peace.

Yeah the wellbutrin is doing the same to me too. I've been taking sleep aids almost every night. I think it is a stimulant. My doc did the same as you with the buspirone but 3x daily. I only take it twice a day cuz I can't ever remember to take it in the middle of the day. He just added Paxil to my meds yesterday because I'm still have mood swings. :/

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Very very shaky. Abuse flashbacks and feel unclean. OCD off the walls and sky high anxiety