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#851
Jul 01, 2014, 08:06 AM
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Went to a funeral yesterday for someone who died that was about the same age as me; for about a minute, I felt sad for her and her family; then, selfishly, I started thinking about my depression - for me, depression is not only painful; it's also lonely and selfish...
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 Bark, birdpumpkin, Clara22, MysteryMade, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84, tired_girl90
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#852
Jul 01, 2014, 08:08 AM
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School started so I've been really busy! God there's so much things to do and I haven't even factored in my other commitments...
I've had a few downs.. real downs that I kinda SI-ed and some that stayed. I'm feeling okay now though. Found out today that I won't be seeing T tmr because he's sick.. which makes me unsettled because I've been looking forward to this for 2 weeks. Even though I told myself to not get too dependent on therapy, it's times like this where I know I should let myself be needy (I rarely get needy) and just.. yeah. Now I have to wait a little more longer.  So far so good though!
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| Bark, Clara22, MysteryMade, TheOriginalMe
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 Bark
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#853
Jul 01, 2014, 12:49 PM
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Had some great interactions with some wonderful people; still feeling very afraid of spiraling down into an episode, but I'm trying to stay positive.
Wishing everyone well! Sent from my SGH-T999L using Tapatalk |
| Bark, Clara22, MysteryMade, TheOriginalMe, tired_girl90
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| Bark
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#854
Jul 01, 2014, 02:12 PM
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Feeling very down. Wife is making me go on a hike since I called into work. I don't want to I just want to crawl back into bed and stay there.
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
| Bark, Clara22, MysteryMade, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, tired_girl90
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#855
Jul 01, 2014, 06:10 PM
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I'm pushing on for the next 10 days. There are some big, big events happening where I live and I want to at least experience them, even if enjoyment is a distant prospect. So I'll try and push everything else out of my mind and focus on these short term goals.
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| Bark, MysteryMade, Nammu, tigerlily84
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| Bark, lizzyjb, Nammu, tigerlily84
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#856
Jul 01, 2014, 07:05 PM
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I spend so much of my time here griping about work. Sorry. Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest. I went to work this morning with the usual negative thoughts and the usual prayers and mental battle to fight the negative thoughts. I was suffering a terrible migraine headache and I was tired also. An odd thing happened this morning at work. The head doctor said to me"I overheard your co-workers making fun of you at your expense, or are ya'll just joking around?" Wow, the head doc at work is paying attention to more stuff than I think. I told him mostly we are playing around but sometimes the girls take the teasing too far. I wish I had not told him that because then he will get my co-workers in trouble and it will reflect back to me. On the good side one of my co-workers gave me a very strong anti-migraine pill she had and it worked. The migraine is gone. I know I should not take other peoples medicine but when she offered it and I was desperate, well you know.
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| Bark, MysteryMade, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#857
Jul 01, 2014, 08:58 PM
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I have a stomach, chest, nose bug cold thing that's just kickin' my butt. >.<
Otherwise I'm doing okay.
__________________
   And I loves you too.  "But the mind can not fool itself for long. At last it has to admit that it has learned some very frightening things, some very confusing things, but that it is still ignorant, too, and needs to learn a lot more." - T. M. Wright |
| Bark
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| Bark
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#858
Jul 01, 2014, 11:52 PM
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I had been on such a positive roll, but the last three days have been a nightmare of negative events that I have not handled well at all. I feel like the world is once again laughing at me as it smacks me back down:
"You've been too happy for too long Grimace. Get back where you belong." |
| Bark, birdpumpkin, Nammu
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#859
Jul 02, 2014, 12:01 AM
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Unbelievable, for the past eight days I've been getting to sleep around 3 am... Then, going to work from 3 pm to 1:30 am. This is taking a toll on me... gggrrrrhhhh
__________________
 Jesus Saves
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| Bark, MysteryMade, Nammu
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#860
Jul 02, 2014, 05:13 PM
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Was doing OK today, but then the anxiety kicked in. To make matters worse the trigger was the NHS again. Trying to use the choose and book system to get a gynae appointment. Wrong stupid name, there is no choice of consultant, hospital or clinic and when I logged in all I could get was a message saying there are no appointments available. Arrrrrghhhhhh. Why am I so insignificant? I can't get psych help and now I can't get gynae help. What have I done wrong?
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| Bark, birdpumpkin, MysteryMade, Nammu, tigerlily84
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#861
Jul 02, 2014, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
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| Bark, MysteryMade, TheOriginalMe
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| Bark, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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#862
Jul 02, 2014, 10:35 PM
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So my chest is better.
 Still a bit wheezy; I'm grateful I'm not coughing. My abs can't take much more. >.< I'm not a contender!!An up an down kind of day. Been trying to be nice in my final part with the ex. Letting him know what's going on; trying to hear what he has to say. But all he's saying is that I'm stupid for not doing exactly what he's telling me to do. While at the same time accusing me of being selfish and expecting him to do things. Um. What? Sooooo. Finally pulled out all stops and blocked myself up and off from him, completely. I'm not going to allow myself to be harassed any more. Sometimes it's painful to close a beloved chapter of our life. But who knows what's after the pages turn..?
__________________
And I loves you too. "But the mind can not fool itself for long. At last it has to admit that it has learned some very frightening things, some very confusing things, but that it is still ignorant, too, and needs to learn a lot more." - T. M. Wright |
| Bark, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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| Bark
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#863
Jul 03, 2014, 12:39 AM
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Feeling better than yesterday, but still a little down. This is nothing like full blown depression though...it really is true that your worst days in recovery are better than your best days in relapse!
__________________
Everyone wants happiness, No one wants pain, But you can't have a rainbow Without a little rain. I am attempting recovery from depression, social anxiety, self harm, suicidal ideation, and some crappy life stuff. The last time I self harmed: 3/17/14 In therapy since: 1/13/14 I threw my blade away on June 6, 2014. I'm always happy to help. Please send me a message if you ever need to talk about anything. |
| Clara22
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| Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe
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#864
Jul 03, 2014, 12:39 AM
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Eh. it was a day. Had chemo. Had class. Can't sleep. Mostly down, really. Sadly.
__________________
“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”. |
| Bark, birdpumpkin, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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#865
Jul 03, 2014, 08:18 AM
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Always wake up with a heavy heart and feel like crying. Miss my old life since the fire. In my head last night I could see and hear my cat Winston meowing and had to open my eyes to try not to cry because my husband was on his way to bed any moment. Was that a sign he was near?? Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. Life is just not the same any more, and I don't like it. I'm not happy. Yesterday I tried walking and tried thinking what would make me happy now. My old life and having everything back, of course, but that's impossible. So besides that... And all I can think of is to just have some peace from all the worrying I tend to do anymore and all the sadness I feel. Just some relief. So my next question to myself was how can I get that?? And that's what I don't know right now...
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| Bark, Clara22, Nammu, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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#867
Jul 03, 2014, 08:48 AM
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Kept busy in the garden. It has been mild since February here and everything has grown out of control. I had to cut some shrubs back so that the builder can repair my wall that a hit and run driver knocked down. It took all morning to clear about 2 square yards. I like seeing plants look nice, I just don't like gardening that much.
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| Bark, Clara22, tigerlily84
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| Bark, regretful, tigerlily84
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#868
Jul 03, 2014, 01:41 PM
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Extremely depressed, feel like giving up
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi Diagnosis: Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Anorexia Binge/Purge type |
| Bark, birdpumpkin, Clara22, regretful, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#869
Jul 03, 2014, 02:37 PM
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When I had my car accident, many many years ago, I had to spend a lot of time ( years) at hospitals most of the time, having surgeries, unsuccessful treatments, a lot of physical pain. At a certain point I made the decision to live the present moment, trying to develop fulfilling relationships even at the hospital, enjoying simple moments like not to have pain, to be able to remain seated without passing out, etc, etc, and not to worry about tomorrow, despite the future did not look promising. Now I do not have that drive. Perhaps I am just tired, because I have struggled much in life.
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Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| Bark, birdpumpkin, Nammu, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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#870
Jul 03, 2014, 03:29 PM
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Severe depression continues. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. It's becoming increasingly difficult as time passes. My spirit is broken; my fight is all but vanished. I need serious help. Please let this next antidepressant help me, if there is a God, I beg of you.
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| Bark, birdpumpkin, Clara22, Nammu, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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#871
Jul 03, 2014, 03:34 PM
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Quote:
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| Bark, Clara22, RunningInTheRain
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#872
Jul 03, 2014, 03:47 PM
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The medication I'm on has been successful in removing the suicidal plans but I remain worthless and hopeless and without motivation. I see nothing changing in my future, just stuck.
I interviewed for a PHP and was supposed to start yesterday......until I told them I need an ASL interpreter for groups. (One on one and in small rooms I do hear/ guess well but in groups Its impossible to guess what people are going to say.) they were to call me yesterday, at 4 pm I tried to call and was told to call back to his cell phone in 5 -10 minutes. The cell phone recording wasn't set up to take messages and the office phone was also a recording. So far today no phone call....I'm thinking it's not happening. On an up note, I got an application for a door to door ride for the disabled.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Bark, Clara22, herethennow, regretful, Rose76, RunningInTheRain, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#873
Jul 04, 2014, 09:22 AM
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tired. so much to do. i cannot stop this though. need to hang in there till T's appt. i need somewhere to let all of this out. just really really overwhelmed.
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| Bark, Rose76, RunningInTheRain, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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