[Kookie1208]

Today's a good day. I was able to go out for a walk today.
There was no rain today!

Originally Posted by newgal2

Feeling kind of crappy today. Had a bad day yesterday. First, when visiting my brother and his family, my sister-in-law implied that I was infringing on their family time and my visits were unwelcome. Then, a friend of mine with whom I've been communicating a lot by facebook and email told me that it's draining to have someone in your life who's depressed (meaning me). They both just made me feel guilty for having this depression and needing to reach out to people. It makes me feel weak that I have to reach out so much, but I can't help it. I need human interaction.

Now I'm worried that they won't be there for me - - so who will? Or will I just keep chasing people away with my neediness? This depression SUCKS. It's robbing me of everything, including my self-respect and sense of dignity.

Well I would love to go do something with ya. I know how that is. I generally hate being alone. I drove to Starbucks to read just so I could be around other people.

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[Rose76]

Busy caring for s/o. Little time for PC. I am getting demoralized being a caregiver. This evening I am kind of depressed.

Sleeping so much and eating/drinking so little and wondering what effect it's having.

[nummy]

Struggling with chest pain, I think it's related to the needle biopsy that area about 3,years ago. Hurting like the dickens...

[lizzyjb]

All the morning shivering. But I little hope. After half and a year of my sisters divorce, maybe she is starting to see a little light. Although still in love with her ex, always talking about him, she is starting to think in knowing new people.
My parents are so tired. They can't deal with my sister divorce. She is so... How to explain... She's able to finish with all our energy, she is so absorber. She is always making all of as feel guilty for being happy or get lucky. In my case feel guilty for stay married with a good man.
If I have an issue it isn't important, hers are more serious than mine.
I'm plenty sick of that. She's always claiming for attention. No matter what do you need or what is happening to you.
I'm tired. I see my parents so tired...
This is driving my more crazy and anxious and depressed...

I pray she starts to change because I can't deal with hers issues and with mine at the same time.

[regretful]

Tired, alone, afraid and sad...

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[MysteryMade]

Moments of sadness in an otherwise alright day. Happy because I'm stronger than the disorders I suffer; feeling kind of achieved.
Grateful that things are changing for the greater good for myself and all around me.

[TheOriginalMe]

Pushed myself into a longer walk than I've managed for several months. Slept for two hours afterwards. I'm missing the optimism of last week, I can accept that I feel better than two weeks ago, but am hurt that I'm not as good as last week. Two steps forward - one step back.

I'm starting to convince myself that the pelvic scan I had last week will show up something horrible and that my blood tests will show my liver is under stress. I somatise at the best of times, but given some real symptoms and some medical tests my mind goes into overdrive.......

Had a bad day today. Kept going back to bed after I thought I was getting up for the day. Just nothing held any appeal for me in terms of something to do. I feel like a quitter for doing it. The guy I've been messaging with on facebook had a doctor appointment this morning, and I came up with absolutely zilch when it came to figuring out what to do with my time. My therapist today said I have "crippling" depression. He is probably right, although I felt kind of offended when he said that. It seems like such a horrible way to be, and I keep thinking there's something I should be able to do to get rid of this depression, but no matter what I do, it's ever-present.

It's 5 p.m. now, and I'm going in bed. I can't help it. The pull is too strong. I feel like a failure. I really hope tomorrow I will not go back to bed after getting up. I did that over the weekend too. It makes me feel like ***** about myself.

[glok]

My days aptly may be described as times of missed opportunities.

[Nammu]

Left the house, talked to a real live person today! A psych nurse from my docs office. She was so concern about the depression not responding she arranged an appointment for me at a PHP. Gee that's what I asked for months ago before starting all these meds. ok my attitude is bad, mega bad and in all fairness the meds have helped the mixed symptoms and I'm not suicidal any more, just have apathetic depression left to deal with and finding some reason to live.

[waterknob1234]

I had a real crappy day today. I went to work and everything that could go wrong went wrong. The head doctor got angry and started lashing out at me over things I had no control over. I am embarrassed to say I started crying. The bad thing is I can no longer control my emotions at work. The head doctor later apologized but I am exhausted from all the emotional wrangling. I think I will be going to bed early.

[tigerlily84]

Just had my second appointment with this new T. I don't think I like him. I told him that I sold my old car last week. It had been sitting on my dad's driveway for close to a year because it died on me last summer. I feel so accomplished and proud of myself for finally doing this and this T could only say "oh yeah that's great" in the most uninterested tone you can imagine. Idk what I was expecting; maybe more handholding? He didn't seem very impressed. He seems to think that if I sleep more and take melatonin then all my problems will be solved. Well kudos to me for trying, but it looks like it's back to the drawing board...

[nummy]

Feeling better than yesterday!

Taking things one step at a time, staying stable, with much gratitude.. Nothing dramatic on my horizon. But still wish I could hit the lottery n just be free of money worries.

[dandylin]

SO many questions answered. I know where I will live next, my husband has a job, we have a place to stay while looking for housing. Very satisfied right now

[mulan]

New pratical evaluation today, and I got to the conclusion: Screw up teachers and their evaluation criteria. I mean, two weeks ago I had my first pratical evaluation and my grade was awfull. It was painfull... Today I wasn't that to much differented from what I did in the other day and the teacher thought I did very good. It's really upsetting, the so bad luck I got to get evaluated by one of the most stupid unfair teachers of college. Now I hate him even more...
Tomorrow I will skip my doctor's apointment. I know I should go. But I already have so much to do and to decide that I can't go now. I can't by now talk about anyone around my about the decision I have to make, and I'm not ready to give an answear.
I feel like a hugh today. Finaly did what months ago I wasn't capable of, I feared badly, finaly finished a part of the darkest chapters of my life until now.

[regretful]

Unsettled...got a reply from a job for which I applied saying that I did not meet their qualifications. That's a bit depressing on top of being sad already. What's the phrase - insult to injury, right? So I just keep plugging along, circling the drain in the steady orbit of depression...

[MysteryMade]

Unnngnggnnng

My body is achy, and I'm not really looking forward to doing anything of the almost nothing I have to do today.
My mind is in glowing shape. I've decided to listen to "Everything is Awesome" when I wake up every morning. Because even though it's weird and silly and childish? I've been happier, more and more, as each day passes. And that's awesome.

[glok]

Yes, today has had its ups and downs.

[lizzyjb]

Today has been a little weird. Started with a panic attack (as every morning ) a little calm before lunch, nervous after, anxiety all the noon and a little calm now before dinner. Am I going to sleep tonight? Of course I'll can.

[TheOriginalMe]

My mood seems to have slipped further back. I really tried to keep busy and active but the big black cloud was there the whole day. I've lost the ability to smile again. I keep thinking how nice it was this time last week but it seems unreal, like it happened to someone else. I won't give up hope that this is a temporary setback until Friday, I know that seems a bit arbitrary but by then I should be over any hormonal stuff and I will have had a day to recover from the anxiety my upcoming doctor's appointment is causing. I feel so stupid for getting excited about feeling better, like I jinxed it. Trying really hard not to weep right now, I feel so sorry for myself.

[maddnessreturns]

Bad bad bad. Had to call my doctor today and have an appt Friday. The depression is just getting to much.

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[bigblackdog]

Originally Posted by regretful

Unsettled...got a reply from a job for which I applied saying that I did not meet their qualifications. That's a bit depressing on top of being sad already. What's the phrase - insult to injury, right? So I just keep plugging along, circling the drain in the steady orbit of depression...

So much of the time the quals are a wish list and impractical. Seriously, I saw a post once for a job like mine....the person needed 40 years experience combined across like 4 job roles, publications, and walk on water while developing business strategies....I showed it to my boss at the time and she's like, yeah they won't get that person, it's a wish list.

Besides, it was clearly not your job. You'll know your job when it knocks you over and licks you all over like a puppy. Don't forget that you're interviewing them.

Job searches are hard even when for folks that are neurotypical. So you're doing hard stuff, and this is normal. Keep your chin up.

[bigblackdog]

Depression that's been resistant to control. This past week, tried upping dose of Ritalin and suddenly I am able to function. Talked to dr about this and she agreed given what I was able to tell her about it.....its been a good 5 days or so.

And I am also taking dosage down on the trazodone and that's been two days and I feel better.....

So working to remove one med (o Yay!) and found one that makes me functional. I am hoping to trim one med down entirely.

So a little bit of the good things for a while. Doc says that the dopaminergics seem to work well for me. But she's concerned about balance issues.