[glok]

The ups and downs are not as high or low as they used to be.

[regretful]

Now it's degenerated into some morning shouting matches with my wife. She's tired of my depression too. I never thought life could be this bad for this long...

[tigersassy]

I don't know where to put this... I'm terrified to be away from my wife right now. With her saying that she needed a break from us. I'm worried she's going to leave when I'm not there. Maybe this is coming from my PTSD or something. I'm overreacting I can see that, but I can't stop it.

[SoupDragon]

Disturbed sleep last night - got up feeling awful, but this evening the cloud has lifted and I feel OK.

Originally Posted by regretful

Now it's degenerated into some morning shouting matches with my wife. She's tired of my depression too. I never thought life could be this bad for this long...

regretful, I know exactly where you're coming from. The past 2 mornings, my husband and I have had very negative conversations where he says that he dreads coming home at the end of the day, feels suffocated and overwhelmed and that he's tired, frustrated and resentful due to my depression. My depression is ruining everything in my life it seems. My supporters are all giving up on me. I just don't know what to do. . . .

I've been spending more time in bed this week due to lack of wanting to do anything. It really scares me - - wonder how much worse this will get and how much longer I can do this . . .

After many years of starting and abruptly stopping taking an ad because of side effects, I've finally decided to stick one out that I hadn't tried before. It's a very low dose, and I think I will need to increase, but I have noticed a very slight improvement. I still wake up dreading life, but I know I can stop much of my negative thinking if I really want to.
I always thought my life is going down hill, but I'm starting to realize that there could be some good things yet to look forward to. My counselor doesn't seem to have a sense of direction going, but today she talked about thinking about what I value in life. Even if I don't know where this "therapy" is going, I'm still grateful to have someone to talk with, and she does seem to really care. Small steps are okay, and she says failures aren't real. There is value even in what seems like a failure. We can learn from, and keep going with more experience. Hugs to all here who are suffering. I like to keep up reading this thread, so my thoughts are with you and hope you all get a reprieve from the suffering.

[Pikku Myy]

Trying to pep myself up... and begin taking meds again. I picked them up from the pharmacy, but I am scared. Its has been a horrible week for me. Thanks for listening.

[birdpumpkin]

My son just got put on ADHD medicine. We tried this 5 years ago, and I took him right back off. I didn't like how he was just sitting around like a zombie. It's a different medicine this time but still nervous about the whole thing. I don't want his behavior to change. I'm fine with his being full of life. It's mostly to settle his brain down to improve his learning. I'm afraid it's going to take my son away from me in a way and have him acting like a different person. My husband and son both have negative attitudes toward this. I'm unsure. I mostly gave in to my parents who have been with me all the way in getting him diagnosed last year, and I do want to do what is right for him. Tomorrow hopefully getting our property taxes dealt with. That will be a relief. But of course more bills coming in. Everyone seems to be in a bad mood today. I feel anxious, and everyone's grouchiness is getting to me. I want so much to just get away from everything for awhile. I did get a "new" pair of shoes at Goodwill today as well as about 4 shirts and 2 books that I lost in the fire. Small positives I suppose. Gradually getting some clothes again - I'm wearing winter shirts with the sleeves pulled up but for 1 t-shirt. Good to have some things my own style and not just stuff people gave me after the fire.

[Jolisse]

Very bad day today, I just want to give up.

[TheOriginalMe]

Got badly sunburnt today even though I used Factor 50 suncream and only had my face and arms uncovered. I'm wondering about a photosenstive reaction but then again I am fair skinned, so idk. Apart from the sore skin I'm exhausted and ready for sleep.

[Espresso]

I don't deserve to be alive.

[Liquid02]

Not really sure how to put my thoughts in order. I am feeling disillusioned with the entire world. Feel as if everything I have ever believed or was told was true has been a lie. How do you rebuild after that? Feel I need to make a longer post, but I am exhausted from work today. But I take solace in the fact that I am calm. Sleep should come easily tonight.

[Jolisse]

Originally Posted by Espresso

I don't deserve to be alive.

Never say that, you do deserve to be alive!

[glok]

Somewhat anxious which often is a prelude to deeper depression.

[Jolisse]

Same here, anxiety that leads to depression. Took Klonopin trying to reduce my anxiety.

[Pikku Myy]

Bit more optimistic this morning

[dandylin]

Stress, anxiety, stress, stress, stress.
Looking for a house, long distance, in a tight market is very difficult.
The prospect of possibly having to live in a cabin w/no hot water is not cool(pun intended)

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by regretful

Now it's degenerated into some morning shouting matches with my wife. She's tired of my depression too. I never thought life could be this bad for this long...

I will be eternally grateful to my husband for hanging with me through my darkest days. I'm not sure if he's a martyr or a saint, but I am at least, not alone.
I wish you some peace today

[regretful]

Originally Posted by dandylin

I will be eternally grateful to my husband for hanging with me through my darkest days. I'm not sure if he's a martyr or a saint, but I am at least, not alone.
I wish you some peace today

Thanks...I'm not alone. I think our's is a shared depression due to a business that we're involved in that neither of us enjoy anymore. Depression hit four years ago - the only time it was gone was when I was not involved in this business. I'm glad that my wife, despite our shouting matches, continues to profess her love for me. Oh, and for my daily check in, I'm still down, and on the verge of tears...don't see this getting better any time soon...

[RunningInTheRain]

Not doing well. Really not doing well at all. I feel like maybe I'm relapsing...or about to relapse...but I'm not sure. I feel like a horrible daughter and a horrible person. I'm just complicating everyone's lives, making their lives harder, especially my mother's. Her life has certainly been hard enough without me. Now it seems like all I do is make it even worse, and she doesn't deserve that.

[Jolisse]

Had a good day today.

[Jolisse]

Originally Posted by RunningInTheRain

Not doing well. Really not doing well at all. I feel like maybe I'm relapsing...or about to relapse...but I'm not sure. I feel like a horrible daughter and a horrible person. I'm just complicating everyone's lives, making their lives harder, especially my mother's. Her life has certainly been hard enough without me. Now it seems like all I do is make it even worse, and she doesn't deserve that.

Why do you feel like a horrible daughter?

[glok]

Today is another nondescript day soon to be forgotten.

[TheOriginalMe]

I am starting to feel the slide back down after a week of positive stimuli. I want to stay up but my grip is weakening.