[Rose76]

I've been having a long streak of feeling very well. Taking care of my boyfriend, who's been not too well, has been keeping my busy, so I'm not at PC very much. I wish all here a good weekend.

[Bigmike727]

Well, my Internet got cut off over a hundred dollars so thats why I haven't been posting lately, needless to say I have been really bored lately.

I'm having the day off today. An OK day but not very exciting. Just did the laundry early in the morning. I don't feel like doing much, but yet at the same time I'm feeling restless. I'm feeling like I'm wasting a day away. I guess a lot of us, including myself, just don't know how to relax and do nothing. When I'm at work, I look forward to a time like that. And then when I have it, I don't feel all that satisfied.

[RunningInTheRain]

Feeling guilty about a lot of dumb, tiny little things and feeling like I'm wasting a lot of time in general...which I guess isn't so far from the truth.

[waggiedog]

Yeah, I'm OK for now. I'm aware that depression is sitting on my shoulder and would very much like to get in and engulf me. I can fight it for now because it's not that long since in came out of a terrible suicidal depression which lasted 7 months. I too take to my bed, have zero energy. The worst thing is wanting to stay in bed all day. HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXX

Today marks exactly 11 months since this episode of severe bipolar depression started. I just am finding it so very difficult to cope. My behavior is not normal and my self esteem is shot.

[TheOriginalMe]

My town has gone Tour de France crazy. Tomorrow the first stage will end here and on Sunday the peloton will pass through again, just 30 yards from my house. I want very much to go and watch the finish and my brother is coming up to visit too. I am quite nervous about whether I can cope with the crowds and how well my mood will hold up. Today I went on a long walk with my dog, we had a good look round the displays and fan park where the big screen will be. That helped as nothing terrible happened and I didn't feel triggered by all the happy people around me (that has happened to me once before). It seems quite surreal for such a big global event to be in my home town.

It was a very boring day, so this was a kind of day that didn't make me feel very good. Just did laundry and a little bike ride. I didn't go out tonight to the fireworks show. But I can see some at where I live. It's just that the fireworks are off in the distance. Went to the pool area and it was crowded, so I didn't go in. I was very disappointed with it.

[glok]

The vicissitudes of a defective existence continue, although I am less concerned about worse and worser .... it is later than you think.

[Jolisse]

Feeling good the last few days, I hope it stays that way.

[birdpumpkin]

Total meltdown this morning. The husband got called out to help with a leak in town, which always makes me panic since our fire because I don't know how long he'll be gone, and I've developed a fear of being alone. It's happened the last couple weekends, and it's happening again this weekend, and I don't feel I can keep dealing with this. No one understands. This ptsd, depression, anxiety is about to drive me crazy. I'm starting to think maybe I should stay with my parents on weekends so I just don't know and won't have to deal with it. Or that maybe I'd be better off alone with just me and my son so I won't have to deal with his job - if I had a job myself that could support us. I just can't keep doing this all the time. I didn't care for it before, but since all that's happened with the fire, I panic now. It's always looming over your head - phone could ring anytime after he gets home from regular work hours, overnight, weekends. When it does ring, my heart starts pounding. You don't know how long he'll be, when he'll be back... I get more scared as the time goes on. I start to have irrational thoughts if he'll be back at all or what if it's hours and hours... Yesterday I was visiting my parents, and mom was talking divorce with me because I was feeling depressed, but actually the husband and I have been getting along okay lately. I was depressed just because dealing with the fire, my losses, missing things... She doesn't get it, either... Like all that is supposed to be over now and not bothering me so that couldn't be what had me feeling so sad. It's so frustrating. Just don't feel I can keep dealing with all this. Have spent the last hour crying and shaking. My son is in the other room. I'm trying not to upset him, but he's already seen me...

[Rose76]

Physically sore but no depression. So I'm just fine.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

Total meltdown this morning. The husband got called out to help with a leak in town, which always makes me panic since our fire because I don't know how long he'll be gone, and I've developed a fear of being alone. It's happened the last couple weekends, and it's happening again this weekend, and I don't feel I can keep dealing with this. No one understands. This ptsd, depression, anxiety is about to drive me crazy. I'm starting to think maybe I should stay with my parents on weekends so I just don't know and won't have to deal with it. Or that maybe I'd be better off alone with just me and my son so I won't have to deal with his job - if I had a job myself that could support us. I just can't keep doing this all the time. I didn't care for it before, but since all that's happened with the fire, I panic now. It's always looming over your head - phone could ring anytime after he gets home from regular work hours, overnight, weekends. When it does ring, my heart starts pounding. You don't know how long he'll be, when he'll be back... I get more scared as the time goes on. I start to have irrational thoughts if he'll be back at all or what if it's hours and hours... Yesterday I was visiting my parents, and mom was talking divorce with me because I was feeling depressed, but actually the husband and I have been getting along okay lately. I was depressed just because dealing with the fire, my losses, missing things... She doesn't get it, either... Like all that is supposed to be over now and not bothering me so that couldn't be what had me feeling so sad. It's so frustrating. Just don't feel I can keep dealing with all this. Have spent the last hour crying and shaking. My son is in the other room. I'm trying not to upset him, but he's already seen me...

Don't be too hard on yourself those feelings and thoughts are part of the PTSD they aren't going to be rational. Has your husband ever gone to therapy with you so he can better understand that you aren't being tis way on purpose, that it's the PTSD?

[Fuzzybear]

[jen29]

Crying on and off all day. Stinkin thinking....don't know how much longer I can do this!

Severe depression continues yet another day. Another day of extreme difficulty coping.

[TheOriginalMe]

Nearly triggered this morning but got over a misunderstanding really quickly and it paid off because I had an awesome day. Yes I had to fake it til I made it, but I MADE IT.

The Tour de France came to town. I got a good spot and was part of a sporting event watched routeside by 1 million people, I was one in a million. As the peloton passed I was screaming Allez, Allez, Allez. I didn't think about anything other than the amazing event going on around me, so today I was lifted out of my depression by forcing myself to overcome anxiety, phobia, lassitude, apathy and go along with the crowd until my mood became level with theirs.

I am exhausted and exhilirated. Tomorrow I get to do it all again as the peloton will pass close to my home. This time it will just be flashing by and not the finish but still worth it.

[dandylin]

Anxiety filled day. I wish people would just do what they say they are going to do

[Blue_Bird]

This just never ends

[RunningInTheRain]

A part of me wants to get my act together and recover already.
Another part of me wants to stop eating and crawl into bed and break promises and not talk to anyone ever again and just be done.

We'll see which part wants it more, I guess.

[JustTvTroping]

Better than usual. I finally have my own apartment and haven't been this happy in a long while. However, part of me knows I still have some unfinished business to take care. I know there's some emotion left over and buried somewhere.

Nothing much to report about today. Just a typical Saturday. I find myself wondering why do I always do the same old things. Just cleaning my place and shopping. That's all. It seems like I do things like clockwork. At precisely in the minutes, I do the same things. It's hard to snap out of it.

At least I got to talk to my friend by phone. We didn't get together and that was a disappointment. It seemed like it was much too hot to go out anywhere.

One thing that was different today was that; as I finished riding my bike and near home, I saw a guy on the sidewalk passed out. He was not moving at all. I didn't have a cell phone. I would have flagged down the police if I had seen one. But I called the police when I got home and then talked to the paramedics. They said that they will go to that man. I don't know what happened after that.

[Bigmike727]

Well my toe nail cracked a couple of days back, went down deep too, blood was everywhere. Today it finally started actually hurting, probably because I wrapped the bandages so tight around it.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by Bigmike727

Well my toe nail cracked a couple of days back, went down deep too, blood was everywhere. Today it finally started actually hurting, probably because I wrapped the bandages so tight around it.

Ouch! Just some advice: don't wrap it too tightly or you'll cut off circulation to your toe. Wrap it firmly, and if it continues to bleed, wrap another layer over the first layer. You may end up wrapping the toe beside it. Change the bandages every day or so. By the way, I'm talking about a roller bandage, not adhesive bandages.

[SoupDragon]

All I can hear in my head is swearing, I want it to stop