Today was an OK day for me at work. It was a better day than yesterday because I was busier. Yesterday was very dismal.

When I got home, things started to slide. Just lots of little things. Each one of those items are not bad, but it's just lots of them coming together. I feel like I'm on a streak.

When I got home it was very noisy outside and very irritating. And my neighbor took the "visitor" parking space in which he is not supposed to do but gets away with it. That spot is under my window and he usually works on his car around 7AM making noise and waking me up. I thought that someone else had that spot. I went to the pool area and just came across a woman, man, and the women's son. They were together so they talked a lot too each other, making me feel left out. And finally, worst of all, I have not heard from my brother in a while. He had been writing to me everyday. He has COPD and sleep apnea and has to sleep with a machine. I'm worried about him. Funny thing is that he and I have never got along in our whole lives, even up to now. And last, I have decided to leave a church that I have been going to for three years because they have voted on policies that I don't agree with. I only have one friend and he goes to that church. I think that he's upset that I have decided to quit that church and go elsewhere.

[Rose76]

My s/o just got admitted to the hospital. Just got discharged a few weeks ago. In and out. He should be okay. I'm doing alright. Just so busy with him that I don't get to PC very much.

[lizzyjb]

A very calm week except the day I had to drive. Just only four or five little pannic attack. And hopefully I could sleep!!
Today a little morning anxiety and some gardening. It's gonna be a good day. Love Saturdays.
Next week it's gonna be so hard so I'm going to enjoy my little piece of peace.

[birdpumpkin]

Late taxes paid off but can't be relieved about it. Now dealing with the son's ADHD, which will require the tweeking around of medicines, and we simply can't afford to buy medicine after medicine til we find one that works. We live paycheck-to-paycheck and that's all we have. Bills to pay, food, gas doesn't leave much left. We do have a prescription card to help pay for medications but can still be so expensive when you don't have much to spare. Plus stressing about how his reaction will be on the medicine. I don't want to "lose" my son like the first time we tried dealing with this 5 years ago. I love my son the way he is - active, ornery, full of life, happy. He was so sad, just sat and colored, hardly spoke the first time we tried. So I took him off it. We're doing it to help with his learning more than behavior. He's on a first grade level going into 4th grade. Has ADHD, Asperger's, and mild mental impairments. So school is really rough for him. Last year when he was diagnosed, the psychologist said his brain moves too fast to focus on anything so that whatever you tell him is pretty much in one ear and out the other. It doesn't stick. She said it was because of ADHD and this is why we're doing it. I'm just having a really hard time dealing with all this right now. I need a break from my life really bad.

[Jolisse]

Started with anxiety this morning and managed to stop it. Hopefully this will keep my depression at bay.

[onlyme76]

This has been a seriously awful week for me. I've been so depressed and irritated, I feel so empty & alone like a heart without a beat. My meds don't seem to be working, I'm having racing thoughts and I'm so far down then up then back down can't sleep and I'm suffering with anxiety. I just so messed up.

[glok]

Yes, ups and downs ... but I do get out of my chair more often.

[Pikku Myy]

I feel happy this morning Like I have more energy, not so anxious, and ready to tackle the world. Amazing what sleep and eating does to me!!! lol

[JustTvTroping]

I'm getting better every day. There's even some self discovery and time to just do whatever and express myself. It only feels weird because of how long this is lasting, but I'll just have to get used to it, won't I?

[Nammu]

I started PHP on Tues, its physically and emotionally draining. I haven't been to PC much, mostly read a couple here and there.

But its a good PHP group, its at a new hospital and just started a month ago. The staff are all new, most are experienced and many are from the other 2 psych hospitals having become disillusioned with the changes there after being bought out by a huge health organization that really downgraded the care. Don't know what the inpatient care is like there but if the outpatient care is any indication it is good like the other hospital before it got bought out.

I'm having to face the things I've been trying to ignore in my life and physically am more active than Ive been in over a year and a half. For lunch we have to walk to another building and its gotten a bit easier each day as my back responds to the exercise.

A very busy day for me but I'm very down emotionally for a good reason. I got a call from my sister this morning telling me that my brother (I posted about him yesterday on Daily Check-In) was hospitalized in the last few days. He had COPD and sleep apnea and now he has lung cancer. He's only two years older than me. So that was why I had not heard from him. I wondered why did my sister hear about it and not me. My sister and I didn't talk too long.

Feeling bad throughout the day because of this. My friend had been calling me, which was nice. But I wished that we could have been together personally. The both of us were just too busy. He wanted to get together, too, but couldn't.

Also I have a couple of strange bumps on my stomach area. I've had them before and they go away. They are really ugly to look at.

[bronzeowl]

Depression is settling in again. I try so hard to do the things they suggest. Go for a walk, do some yoga, curl up with a glass of lemon water - even though I hate lemons. And I always end up sitting here, staring into space, realizing that none of it is doing anything to help my depression.

Haven't spoken to a soul today. Sometimes, I feel like I'm an alien on a foreign, dangerous land.

[flours]

Miserable. Found proof I don't exist. Haven't spoken to a human being today although I spend a good amount of time outside the house. Even the cashier at the supermarket said no word, no hello, didn't tell me the amount of money I should pay. Nothing at all.
Came back hating everybody on the street. I decided not to contact (former) friends anymore because it's useless and waiting for and getting no answer is plain torture. It's late at night and I won't fall asleep but I will have to get up early. I bought some nice food today because I thought this is something I could do for myself by myself but didn't really enjoy it.

[fluffbuster]

hi all. i'm a crisis intervention volunteer and i did an overnight last night, so i'm tired - came home at 8am and got up around 11:30am. i'm sort of a semi-depressive myself since i can't find full-time work - but nothing like some of the sadness that prevades some of these pages. i come here to listen and offer comments which hopefully might help. Other than that, it was a basically an ok day.

[Bigmike727]

Well today was good, was a little down earlier though when I saw the runners beating in the ocean and thought about the boat we had to sell just to get money.

[freefallin]

I've been laying in bed crying for like 6 hours. I can't stop. I need help really badly, but no one cares because I don't have any money. I went into my school's counseling center a few months ago bawling and begging for help, and they just shoved me out the door because they don't help part-time students. It has only gotten worse since then. Someone in the psychotherapy forum even explicitly told me that I don't deserve help if I'm broke. I feel like pond scum.

I dunno. I just wish I could sleep all day. I can't take it.

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by freefallin

I've been laying in bed crying for like 6 hours. I can't stop. I need help really badly, but no one cares because I don't have any money. I went into my school's counseling center a few months ago bawling and begging for help, and they just shoved me out the door because they don't help part-time students. It has only gotten worse since then. Someone in the psychotherapy forum even explicitly told me that I don't deserve help if I'm broke. I feel like pond scum.

I dunno. I just wish I could sleep all day. I can't take it.

There should be help in your area for low income/no income people. You could search online or call the local hospital. Most ER's have a listing so that you don't have to keep coming to them if you are sick. And normally after you get seen in the health clinic they can refer you and give you discount coupons or fully paid coupons depending on the amount you make. Mind you I'm in the US so not sure what it's like in other countries.
I know it's not easy to find the help you need when you don't have money or insurance. I dealt with that a few years ago. Please don't give up. I promise it gets better. Give it time.

[birdpumpkin]

Woke up early again today. Felt anxious but kind of faded off to feeling down, although my troubles causing anxiety are still at the back of my mind, and when I bring them to the forefront I feel that panic again. I don't like Sundays. It's cloudy. I sometimes think about starting to go back to church with my parents like I used to til a couple years ago. They would stop by and pick me and my son up. I have some beliefs that clash that make me reluctant, but it was a way to be around people and time with my parents. I've been visiting them almost daily since mom was in the hospital in May, though. That scared me and gave me a view of what life would be like without my parents around, so I try to visit daily as I'm only 15 minutes away. The company kind of helps me, too. Just feel strange today. My nerves are pretty shot. Have to call my son's doctor tomorrow to have him call the pharmacy to pre-approve his medication before I can pick them up. That has me nervous - I'm really shy and don't like doing things like that. I'm hoping there won't be any trouble. We've had to wait over the weekend because he was out by the time we called Friday. I'm also worried about how my son is going to react on this medicine and what troubles we're going to have going through all this. On top of my own ptsd and bad anxiety, I've been having a really hard time and feel unable to handle much more.

[TheOriginalMe]

Tired for the last two days. I seem OK in myself though, a bit down on last week but still having enough resilience to get by. I have so much to do though, I feel useless when I don't get started on any of it.

[eggplantlife]

Just want to feel good. Was okay for few days though up and down. Brain still have some sort of numbing feeling. Trying to live. Called brother but he didn't pick up. Sending live vibrations to my family hoping that they will love me back and all of them talk to me again and love me. Want love. Sending love vibration to people I know since that is all I can do. Rough night of sleep. Would like to peacefully sleep through the night again.

[Liquid02]

Woke very tired this AM Slept whole night through, but it wasn't enough. Today when I get off from work I am going to come home and just go to bed. I have to get some rest. Being alone is really getting to me. My mornings are becoming the hardest time for me.

Have the weekly meeting at work. It is silly and makes me angry. Can't keep drinking the kool-aid from society.

[Caseymoff]

Originally Posted by Bark

As the last thread reached 100 pages, here's the new one.

How are you feeling today?

I had a terrible night, could not sleep. Trying so hard today to function.

[eggplantlife]

Lord! Please make me happy!

[Pikku Myy]

I feel good

[Avatar10]

Back to work after taking a week off due to high stress. Dreading the thought that I'll have a lot of work waiting at the office...ugh...

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