[tigerlily84]

Today I felt pretty horrible, to the point that I began to dissociate. I still feel pretty numb, but it's not as bad as it was this morning. I did remember to bring my pillow, so on my break today I relaxed in my car, per the new T's suggestion. He said that I should try to take naps, but I'm terrified that I will oversleep. (My boss goes nuts if you are even 1 minute late) So I only set my phone's alarm and closed my eyes and attempted to empty my mind (ha!). I don't know that it did much to relax me though. I think I was already too far gone at that point for it to have had much effect.

[Rose76]

Been busy, but have felt real decent. Starting to lose altitude. Don't want to crash.

[msbunnyryu]

I want to punch the mirror

[dandylin]

Life has made another choice for me. I'm conflicted and heart broken. Why don't plans just fall into place

[regretful]

Woke up this morning with the thought "I can't believe that this is my life", and it wasn't for those good reasons. Rather than not wanting to wake up from a dream, I'd rather want to quickly wake up from this nightmare. I don't know how to get out of this depressed state... It's not intolerable, it's just a slow, steady decline into oblivion...

[letsgethigh]

Feeling extremely blah. This morning someone said something that sent me into a very emotional depressive state. I couldn't stop crying. I just want to feel nothing. I self mutilated. sad that it didn't help much. I'm not crying anymore but I still feel very sad and down. I want to just lay in bed all day and sleep but I'm working.

Originally Posted by regretful

Woke up this morning with the thought "I can't believe that this is my life", and it wasn't for those good reasons. Rather than not wanting to wake up from a dream, I'd rather want to quickly wake up from this nightmare. I don't know how to get out of this depressed state... It's not intolerable, it's just a slow, steady decline into oblivion...

I woke up much in the same way, except with some grief about a recent loss mixed in. "Do I really have to face the day?" But this is the first morning in a few that hasn't been plagued by self-destructive thoughts. So, I'm going to act in spite of my emotion.

I hope you can, too.

[herethennow]

i wanna end all of this

Just saw t so feeling calmer and relieved. Thank jesus for therapy. Major depression can kiss my *****, i deserve to be okay sometimes. And THANK YOU FOR QUIETING DOWN OCD! Makes it a little easier.

Anyway, hope everyone's OK.

[Bigmike727]

Well, I've been out the house, so that's helped me a little. Sometimes a little fresh air can go a long way for me.

Had lunch with my aunts today, about an hour away from where I live, so that got me out of the house and killed a few hours. Another hour and 1/2 and I can do my usual retreating to bed (my self-imposed schedule). 3 more days and my husband will be back from his Canadian fishing trip. I CAN do this! At least I have the dogs so I'm not entirely alone.

[Julius]

Just not a great day. Maybe a 5. Oh well

[cherrykix]

Had a really bad day at work, so I'm feeling pretty horrible right now. And all I want to do is relapse on my negative coping skills.

[maddnessreturns]

Down. I try to be a productive human being but I'm lucky to if I can shower everyday.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[glok]

This is a toxic time for me ... I care ... but I am exhausted from having to fight to keep my sanity ... the will to improve has plummeted.

[TheOriginalMe]

The weather was fine, not too warm, lots of sun, I think about 18 hours or so at this time of the year, mind you most years it rains so the number of daylight hours is usually immaterial. I love the not properly dark midsummer sky where the glimmer of turquoise hovers on the horizon even at midnight. I might not be in love with me, or living, but I am in love with the world right now. Just a fortnight ago I was closing the door on a desperate crisis. That seems as unreal to me now as the prospect of feeling better seemed to me then. Depression does run its course, no doubt one day it will be back, so I'll just value what I have.

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by letsgethigh

Feeling extremely blah. This morning someone said something that sent me into a very emotional depressive state. I couldn't stop crying. I just want to feel nothing. I self mutilated. sad that it didn't help much. I'm not crying anymore but I still feel very sad and down. I want to just lay in bed all day and sleep but I'm working.

I've been there. People can say the most heartless things that cause us horrible emotional pain that can be too difficult to bear. Then to have to turn off the thoughts and emotions and concentrate on work. It's hard. Sorry you had to experience this. Love and hugs.

[Ganymede00]

I want to start applying to local pet sitting/walking jobs but my anxiety is keeping me from actually applying to any of them. There aren't that many jobs to choose from to begin with but ugh, I know I'm going to have to get a job sooner or later.

Today I worked and left a little bit early because the company had a picnic at noon. I didn't go to it. I wouldn't feel very comfortable if I went anyways.

When I got home I got a call from a Real Estate woman that I knew. I had called her earlier in the day and just left her a message saying that I was interested in selling my place. When she called me she asked me if I was really sure if I wanted to sell. She told me that if I decide to sell and then rent a place, then it may be ten to twenty years that the money I would get can run out.

She came up with some options, but in thinking it over, I don't think that they will work even though they sound like good ideas. I could rent for the same amount that I would be paying somewhere else, but it's going to cost at least a few thousand dollars to fix the place up. I don't have that money to spare. Or I could buy a unit that's in a 55 plus place after I sell mine. But I get the feeling that I will be paying almost twice as much for it, providing it's the same kind of place that I have now.

I want to leave my place because I feel like I don't fit in well with the neighbors. I feel like I'm much older than they are plus I am all alone and the others are not. I had an eye on a 55 plus place that I would like to live at, but it's too expensive for me. So it looks like I'm going to be stuck.

[lizzyjb]

Dinner with some old friends remembered me a lot of lost things that I left behind and an uncertain future. No hope. Only want to cry.

Went climbing yesterday. Got a date lined up. Going to a baseball game today. Amazing how fortunes can change in a day or two if you can just make it that far. I can feel the melancholy wanting to nag in the background, but I'm going to act in spite of it.

[herethennow]

i HAVE been doing well. i HAVE been coping well.

... right now? not really. have been on a down for quite awhile, with many things troubling me. i know where this is heading. and i don't feel bothered to quite stop a relapse from happening.

a new academic term starts soon and to be quite honest, all i want to do is create a foolproof plan to ___________ (fill up the blanks).

this just sucks.

Went to visit a friend who lives about an hour away from me today. She was kind of hungover, so all we did was talk a bit and go for a drive. It was a very short trip. Now I'm back home alone and very lonely. Weekends are rough for me, even when my husband is here. He's gone on a Canadian fishing trip until Monday night. I just hate this loneliness. Trying to find solace and peace with the t.v. is not easy.

[glok]

Today has been more of the same ... at least I have not experienced any acute distress.

[TheOriginalMe]

Yesterday was good, today was bad, a whole week's progress wiped out. I'm not sure what happened, maybe not enough sleep last night, maybe just overtired by a lot of unaccustomed actvity, maybe the delayed effect of missing a dose of meds, maybe the improvement was just the placebo effect, maybe the meds have pooped already, maybe I'm being taunted and tormented with brief glimpses of "normal" life, maybe hormones, maybe a bit of everything. I'm so afraid, I don't want to go back to where I've been for so long.