[IHavPrblmz]

Hi. I'm new to this forum. I was looking on google for forums for depression. I really don't know what to say besides my thoughts and problems.

I'll just start now, about my depression/anxiety/whatever it is.

My parents got divorced when I was 10. My mom made me go to counciling for anger issues, that i didn't have, she was the angry one. Well anyways. I've always been a large kid. Everyone in my family is 500lbs+. I'm 209 and 5'6. Yeah, I'm a girl.
I'm a senior in high school and these last 3 years I've been feeling rejected by my peers. I had a boyfriend in 9th grade and he was friends with everyone in band. I'm a band geek. So when we broke up, he kept all the band geek friends and I got..lonliness. He spreaded rumors about me, as did my boyfriend my sophmore year. Yeah, I shrugged them off. I sit by myself at lunch. I'm not bad-looking, smelly, or gross. People just don't like me? I get very lonely at school. I have no one to talk to. No friends. No one invites me to go do anything...Sure, it's not their fault. There's just something they don't like about me. I don't think it's the rumors. Band kids will talk to me when I talk to them. I think theyre kind of stuck-up and sophisticated-like.
I am also depressed about my weight. And the bad thing is..I'm not motivated to do anything about it.
My boyfriend says I'm very emotional. I get upset very easily. I cry everyday.
I have low self-esteem. I hate my body and everything about it. Sometimes I try to fast to lose weight, but I'm diabetic and it doesn't work out.
My dad is an alcoholic and druggie. I haven't seem him for 5 years. He is wanted by the police. He use to verbally abuse me. Every time I think about him or someone mentions him, I cry. I hate him.
I always feel like other people are getting treated better than me. I always feel like people are staring or talking about me. I get nervous when I am around a lot of people. I get embarrassed easily.
When I'm not like this, I'm a funny person. I can be fun and entertaining.

I cant talk to my mom or anyone else about this. My mom has threated to put me in an institute when I said I wanted to kill myself, but then I told her I was just kidding and I was mad when I said that.
I don't want to go back to counciling. It's very uncomfortable to me. I use to be on Prozac, but I ran out and to get a refill, I needed to talk to the counciler people.
I think my body upsets me. My love life upsets me.

I just want to be a normal person. But I can't. Things are restricting me. I don't know how to be normal...

[Boopers]

Hi Problems,
Welcome to PC.

Like I was telling the others, depression can bring you down so fast.
It sounds like you also have anxiety problems.
I'm sorry you can't go to counseling. It would help you alot. I too, am on Prozac and Wellbutrin. I wish you would go back on it. Prozac has helped me more than anything.
Hey, being big shouldn't get you down. Most people in the US are overweight. I know I am. If people don't like it then so be it.
I wish you all the best. Take care and please go back on the Prozac. I think you will find that it will help you alot.
Best wishes and take care,
Boopers

[yayme]

Hi problems,
I read your post yesterday (was feeling low myself so didn't reply) and again today. I'm new here also, so bear with me.
Your post brings back memories of high school. It was full of ups and downs for me and probably many others. The feelings you described seem like the things I used to say in my diary... being a loner, book "nerd", hard home life. I used to feel so alone. Now I look back and see that there were others like me. I guess being "not normal" is kind of normal
I agree with bloopers about the meds. I find that I think clearer and can cope better when I'm on mine.
Anyway, I hope you have a better day and get to feelin funny and entertaining again. Take care of them sugars girl, when mine are out of whack I feel pretty bad too. Hang in there.

[Soidhonia]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central. there is a chat today at 2:30 PM. with Dr Wylie I hope you get a chance to come and meet others at Psych Central. Take Care Soidhonia

I feel for you going through this. When I was a teenager & felt hopeless & depressed I called my pediatrician (I was 15 & my mother was dead & my father was an absent alcoholic) & she actually took the time every week to see me. I was in a boarding school & my dorm parent drove me there. She never told my father or sent a bill--she just wanted to help me. She did a lot. Medication helped a lot, too. I couldn't do it without the meds, but you wuld be surprised at who will help & listen to you. Reach out to a trusted counselor or friend of the family . Perhaps the doc who treats your diabetes?--Suzy

[IHavPrblmz]

Thanks guys for the positive comments. I read that some of you went through this same thing, I thought I was some 'pyscho' like my boyfriend called me. I just dumped him yesterday. He's too disrespectful, asks me for $$, and he does pot, and tons more. He use to be the total opposite. We were together for 19 months. It's pretty hard to NOT call him. I hope he doesn't tell kids at school about my problems, like depression and stuff.
I realized I haven't done anything for my self in a long time. So I went shopping by myself today and got some new clothes and stuff. I asked this guy on aim, who's in my lunch at school, if I could sit with his friends and him. He said yeah, but I gotta stop being 'too proud'. I'm anything but proud. But I guess since I really don't talk to people, they might think I'm too proud? I dunno.
Anyways, thanks guys for helping me and making me feel better.

[Boopers]

Yes, you will find that there are some of us that are just like you. That's why we can relate to you so well. I think you have to have been in someones shoes before, you really know what that person is thinking.
I am glad that you dumped your bf. He sounded like he was driving you up the wall.
He certainly was using you and you don't need that.
I bet you can do much better. Heck, being alone is much better than being with your bf, it sounds like.
I wish you all the best and come here anytime you need to talk. It really does help to talk to someone who is in your boat.
Hugs,
Boopers

[sixsicsixmaggot]

hello im new to this forum as well and about not wanting to talk to a counselor if you start seeying a psychiatrist (not therapist) you just tell them your problems then they try different meds/dosages till they find the right one and u normaly only see them once a month for like 5-15 mins i have that same problem i don't like talking to therapists also find one ur comfortable with but you should atleast see a psychaitrist if not both a psych and a therapist and thats good that u dumped ur bf , i smoke pot as well but ive never wanted it bad enough to ask a gf for money for it thats kind of lame if u dont have it u dont have it not the end of the world