[healingme4me]

Had a longer conversation with my gram, this morning. I am to expect a call from my uncle. I wonder, if there will be an invite, to their summer home, when she's down for a visit?
In having walked through my reprocessing, even whilst asleep, the brain continues its work, I told her, I can see the more subtle similarities of my relationship with my father and that with my ex husband. It's covert, not overt, how that works.
Feeling less, meh, and continuing on, as I have been, all these years.
Fell asleep, wondering if the one time back pain, up north, wasn't also an age old physical remembrance? Much is possible where psychology is concerned.

[Nammu]

Hard stuff this IOP. It does feel like I'm moving forward, slow as mud, but it's progress. Did a victim impact statement on a lesser trauma as a way to start, I'll work my way up to the tougher stuff.

Gotta say this is one of the best IOP's I've ever been in, it's run by a counselor who specializes in trauma work.

[Pikku Myy]

Not sure how to feel about this Revised diagnosis today to Bipolar 1. Maybe the new meds will help? Have to digest this all now. Kind of blank and sad.

[waterknob1234]

I had a better day today. It was calmer at work with a decent schedule. Migraine headaches are ugly. I went to the doctor and got a shot that helped some but not much.

[lizzyjb]

Feeling so calm for more than a week, since I was talking to my t. It's so weird but only with some talk I understand myself very much better than I have done in years.
I suppose meds are doing their work. Feeling calm and hopping that maybe one day I'll be able to stay calm in the middle of the storm.
In the other hand, worry about sister, don't know why because she doesn't care about what happened to me in all my life.
Maybe my t is all right and I'm doing it because I don't wanna feel blame,not because it really does cares me
In 40 years she has always made me feel like a baggage, always made me feel like a piece of a puzzle that doesn't fit, a big feeling that I can't erase of my mind. Always arguing and never listening to me and all my issues.
Now she wants me to trust on her... But it's too late. I simply can't.
There's too many pain, too many times she doesn't care what happens to me... I can't forgive. I can't forget.
But that makes me feel bad. I hope t help me with that.

[JustTvTroping]

I'm not sad right now, but I've been thinking a lot lately, and I think I just realized something. For years I've noticed that everything feels..."cold". Even the people I'm closest to, as well as my own skin, have something off about them. There's an automatic distance between me and whoever I'm in contact with, like something's telling me that I don't belong there...I'd say it's numbness, but that feels different.
My emotions have this "coldness" to them as well, and only my mind (and my mp3 player) is a haven. I'm not completely sure what this means, but I'm pretty sure it can help with my self discoveries.

[TheOriginalMe]

A slow start with some anxiety, but as the day went on I started to feel better. No disasters major or minor and no significant achievements either, but I'm fairly content today.

[hope156]

I am very frustrated because I don't get how to use this site and have received no replies or notes from anyone. Someone please help me get to know this place. Thanks.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Feeling very unproductive today. But hubby called around to see about getting me in to see a psychologist, which I haven't been to in about 10 years so I'm rather nervous. I am glad he is good on the phone, unlike me because I don't know that I'd ever be brave enough to call myself.
I have a small business so being unproductive is not good!!!
Positive things for today:
- Air conditioning
- My little "Toothless" dragon figurine makes me smile and I've been carrying him around
- Hubby took steps to get me some help

Letting go...

[glok]

More flatlining.

[hope156]

Anxious and apprehensive. Waiting for a professional to follow through on a promise to me, am apprehensive, because this psychiatrist has been flaky. Sometimes I wonder if he is sadistic. I never say this like that about people, but this is a weird situation which I do not want to explain. I'm going through this alone, as my trusted husband died almost two years ago and I have no children and one sibling whom I believe has narcissistic personality disorder. I don't blame her, but just stay away from her because I cannot allow her to keep hurting me4.

[birdpumpkin]

First day home alone without the car. Don't know how long this will go on... Til the husband gets a new truck... Won't get to visit the parents til later in the day now. Worrying about him having to go out over the weekend if he gets a call (last 2 weekends have been very fortunate and quiet) and have to take the car. I actually have plans for both Saturday and Sunday - nephew in from Pittsburgh and gathering at my parents' house to make ice cream, then Sunday supposed to meet up with 2 friends from high school to eat and talk - haven't seen either of them in over a decade (more anxiety and have no idea where and what time yet!!) I don't know what I'd do about either of these if the car wasn't available. Sometimes it feels that if I were just single I wouldn't have so many worries?? Most of my worries seem to revolve around his job somehow, and as much as he complains about hating it, he makes no effort to change it so that I'm sick of hearing it. It provides no benefits at all and barely making the bills. Anyway, still working through some abandonment issues, and have discovered that my sister's rejection when I was young and growing up is pretty much responsible for the sadness I feel in the background of my whole life - the feeling that something is missing. It's her. Like a hole in my heart. She never was interested in me or seemed to care about me, and when I think over certain incidents when I was a child, I feel sorry for the child that was me and just want to snatch her up and give her a hug because she's sitting there alone in the dark when her sister is supposed to be babysitting her, but she's in another room with friends. I never even missed her when she left for college or various other things. It just felt the same - like she wasn't there. I felt like an only child because I hardly ever saw her. So this all makes me sad, but I suppose is necessary. Still working on it... Writing this all out and trying to make sense of it.

[MysteryMade]

It's early. I'm going to say it's going to be a fabulous day, even though it's not starting out that way.
Leaving to house-sit for my brother's fam while he's on vacation for the next week-ish plus.

Realized last night some brutal truths, which cause me to have break completely from the ex. Whom I love with a BPD mentality. Ug.

Living. Loving. Learning. Listening.

[freefallin]

I'm in the library crying. Returned to my dad's house to find dead bugs all over my old mattress and a house swarming in fruit flies. I opened the salad my dad bought me and had to throw it away because hundreds of bugs instantaneously flew over and started crawling all over it. Think I'm going to just live out of my car. I'm very tired and hungry.

[TheOriginalMe]

Rather flat for no apparent reason. Maybe it was the change in the weather. Kept busy despite the moodiness, that is the best way for me.

[glok]

Just a bit depressed.

[Juuso]

Pretty much everything is going against me, life sucks. And every day I'm more and more hesitant about getting help, losing motivation fast.

Originally Posted by Jolisse

I moved to another state and a calmer environment, my depression is starting to go away.

Good for you! That's something that I dream of for myself. I wish I had the guts to do it. Maybe someday I will.

A pretty good day for me today. Work was very busy. Funny thing is that I notice for myself on Fridays that people get on my nerves more. Even though I like my job a lot.

I worked out after work and it went well. Went to the pool area to relax after that and no one was there, much to my surprise. But it was nice that way.

[AllonsY]

My life is far too overwhelming right now, I'm crippled with depression and anxiety. I'll get by, one day at a time. But it sucks.

If I ever seem mean to anyone on here, I'm really sorry.

I'm really down. Bleh.

[Hellion]

Alright for today...

[glok]

Just existing.

[eggplantlife]

Woke up usual wake up and sleep and wake up throughout the night. Today, not well. Hard time fighting negative thought. Doing what I can. Praying, being thankful ....visualizing being with the dog I had to leave behind made me happy that she is in a house and yard. Love her so much...fighting...going between praying and meditating....maybe accepting or letting it to go god ...none seem to be working or might be working but I have lots of garbage/baggage that keeps needing to let go....or might be the same over and over again...when do I realize growth? Growth as an adult? Help!!!!! All is because I was listening to silence...was it?

[Clara22]

It is good I have to do laundry today. I have to write for somebody else and I will do it. It makes me feel good I will fulfill my promise because I feel totally devastated when I promise something and then I don't do it because of depression. I will bake a cake and have my nieces to pick up the most of it ( it is not healthy to it all)