[TheOriginalMe]

I'm sure lots of you know StarStrike, unfortunately she's been admitted to hospital, her first time on a psych ward. Hugs needed.

[freefallin]

Very frustrated. I wish my stupid cognitive problems never started. I have an opportunity to make some money freelance writing except I can't focus or string together sentences.

I just see no way out of my situation without help from outside parties.

[freefallin]

It's past 6 a.m., and I've successfully spent another entire night crying. I'm so sick.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I'm sure lots of you know StarStrike, unfortunately she's been admitted to hospital, her first time on a psych ward. Hugs needed.

I was wondering why she had stopped posting. I hope most people stop because they're feeling better. Quite a few regulars have stopped posting.

(((StarStrike))) I hope you feel much better coming out than going in.

[Bark]

Feeling better today. Haven't allowed myself to take a nap (I slept over 11 hours and I'm still tired!). Today is almost the same day as yesterday, which shows that sleeping too much is bad for me (which I already knew thanks to sleep paralysis). If only I could wake up rested on 8 hours of sleep... I need 10 hours most days just to get out of bed. The last time I felt rested was a long time ago.

[tigerlily84]

I've been angry lately. At what, I don't know. For a while there I was doing well. But without any triggers that I can think of, I am back down and feeling horrible. I can't sleep for long without waking up from nightmares, I'm always stressed out. I am angry, maybe due to lack of sleep, I don't know. I don't have any patience for anything. I'm trying to improve my situation, starting with looking for jobs everyday, and applying to at least one per week. But how can I focus on that when everyday when I wake up I wish I didn't?

[freefallin]

Not any better than last night. I've been crying since I woke up. Can't stop.

[glok]

I sense something is going on ... bit of anxiety has attached.

[TheOriginalMe]

Hormonal grrrrr meh blah grrrrr

[waterknob1234]

Glad it is Saturday. So sick of work stress. Yesterday my heart was pounding and racing all day and I felt like somebody gave me speed. Constant threats and negativity at work. Last night I finally crashed and slept on the sofa all night. I dreamed that I died and came back to life. Then I woke up. I am going to seriously start looking for a new job. I think I am always singing the same old song here.

[TheOriginalMe]

Hormonal grrrrr meh blah grrrrr

[bronzeowl]

I'm not sure what to say.

I am really, really drained today. So, that would be a down. I feel horrible because my friend (I'll call her A) came online upset, wanting to talk. But I had passed out from exhaustion. And wasn't there. And she's pretty much the only friend I have left. I hope she's okay.

This exhaustion has hit me from nowhere. I really thought I'd passed this phase, but I guess my body is still... doing much repairing. I made a mental note to go to a doctor as soon as I can. Which might be soon. Heard from medicaid (finally). They are requesting more info. When my mom was denied, they did not do this. So, I'm hoping this is a good sign in my case. Anyway. I had a scare at the store. Almost ran into someone when leaving the bathroom. Heart didn't just jump. It felt like it literally stopped. And for at least an hour... light headed, almost fainted in the store, had to sit down for 15 minutes. And anyway. Once the light headed feeling passed, I got really tired and it hasn't left, I guess.

Ups? Well, I was recently contacted by really old friends.. and we've been speaking. So, that's helped ease the isolation.

[Melodic]

Something tells me that you won't change. I needed two weeks to come to acceptance that it was over, and I've gotten this far, I refuse to go back to vulnerability and insecurity. The fact that I am waiting for you to turn around and give up on me yet again, is just indicative of the lack of trust I now have in you. You tell me to feel these things and to forget about it if I can't over my feelings. But it is not my responsibility to rebuild the trust you destroyed. And if you walk away or find someone else, it will be proof that I was right all along not to trust your whimsical, emotionally abusive self. Yes, I feel so angry still. And I'm not about to get over it if you do nothing to change and fix what you screwed up. No one should have to lose someone before they realise how much they meant to them.

Right now, all I am doing is keeping the peace because I can't be screwed feeling **** again. I also won't break off the friendship because I still have faith in you as a friend and I am not a cruel person. But I refuse to argue or to deal with the pain you constantly gave me in the past. If what it takes to stay happy is to keep things to myself, and to refuse to see you, that is what I must do. There is nothing I can do to change that.

[Bigmike727]

Well, I am getting ready to finally move so I've been feeling good lately. It feels good to escape from this prison of an island.

[freefallin]

Better than usual. It's 5:31 a.m., and I haven't slept because I wasn't able to focus all day long on the things I needed to do. I'm not drowning in tears tonight, at least.

[Bark]

Feeling... meh. Don't feel like doing much and I'm still tired. I spend my days tired.

I hate that voice that starts to come alive when I'm depressed. It was around the night before last. It's started during the day today. Feeling... destructive.

Have therapy tomorrow. I'm thankful for the consistent weekly appointments.

Maybe I'll feel better. Funny how once you start feeling depressed again, it's like you've always felt that way. At least for me.

I think I'll try confronting the depression. When I feel less tired. That might take a while....

[tigerlily84]

Down: I am also feeling tired. Lately all I want to do is sleep. I slept 10 hours last night and 11 hours the night before last. And I'm still tired. I simply didn't want to be awake any longer. This is bad.

Up: On the bright side, I applied for a job yesterday. I know that if I do things like that, then I know that I haven't given up. So that's something at least.

[Grey Matter]

As with every late July/upcoming August, my brain just kind of. Stops. I don't feel up enough to do anything, and I don't feel functional enough to feel like I can contribute anything worth while at work. But I still try. Or at least I tell myself.

I am preparing to feel like an "only child" as my sister is moving for university in a few weeks. I feel trapped here, and her leaving makes it worse. I am going to be having to fill a living persons shoes (my sister) and a dead persons shoes (my brother) and god knows it might be better then actually being me.

[TheOriginalMe]

Tired and emotional but trying to keep it all together, I don't want to lose the progress I've made. I feel like this anti-depressant is my last real hope, I need it to work and promote a sustained recovery, I'm scared that it (or me) will fail.

[nakitakunai]

I just can't catch a break...

[triggers]

Have never been on here before. I am struggling with depression and now panic. I am afraid of the super moon and what it could do to us. I need comfort!!

[glok]

Today. I was thankful for the prop I received from my meds.

[freefallin]

Just frustrated. I'm trying to find a way to say that people spend more time outdoors in the summer because it's warmer that works with the tone the client wants for these articles, and I can't come up with what should be a simple sentence. My brain's not working right, and no one believe me or understands.

Sometimes I think I should just become a prostitute. Would probably be much less stressful than my current situation.

It was quite a weekend for me. Yesterday I went to visit my brother who is two hours away from me. We had not been together for many years. He was never my favorite person in my life, so to say. I decided to go see him because he was just recently diagnosed with lung cancer. He has that along with COPD and sleep apnea. He was told that he only has six months to live. That was pretty sudden.

I was very scared to see him because all of our lives, including up to now, we never got along. But we did talk on the phone and he was looking forward to seeing me. Also I thought I would break down and go hysterical if I saw him looking very bad. But it turned out he didn't look as bad as I thought he would and that we had a nice time together. He told me that he has accepted death for himself. He seemed like he's taking it all very well.

Today was a so-so kind of day. I went to church where I had been thinking that I would want to leave it soon. There was a meeting about what will happen in the future that are very important issues. But I was very disappointed with the meeting because it seemed like they didn't answer any questions. So I think that today would be the last day for me there. I have not been happy there for a while anyways.

[birdpumpkin]

Down and tired... Too much stuff going on making me anxious but right now just too tired to feel it. It'll hit me about 6 in the morning, and I'll lie there trying to go back to sleep but running everything over in my head - stuff I have to do that's making me nervous, bills we have to pay and too little money, school starting soon for my son and I'll be alone all day again, this and that and everything else... I just want it all to stop please...