[Shriveled Muse]

I should've known that yesterday and Friday were too good to be true. I was so distracted by other things that my mood was actually a bit higher than just okay: the highest it's ever been in such a long time! But today is when I crashed and I crashed harder than ever before. Everything just hurts so badly.... Both mentally and physically....

[boomerango]

Just. tired.

[aprillynn197]

Very tired. Angry and devastated.

[winter4me]

some kind of neutral this morning...we will see where it goes...

Thunderstorm this morning woke me up. I stayed awake and watched cause I love thunderstorms and it's probably the last one we'll see till spring. Not sure how my mood will go today. Right now I actually feel good in spite of being sleep deprived (I went to bed at 2am). Too early to tell.

I had a good day, I'm scared.

[regretful]

Is there no end to this misery? It's inching up on a year since I was hospitalized. This depression is terrible. I find no comfort in anything... :'(

[favoritefountain2]

Come into work today feeling good after last week. Get told that the scope of work that I was feeling good about isn't going to get signed. Might not have a job come January which is very stressful. Another SOW is being put together, but it basically is going to be a major pay cut for me as the position is a simple data transcribing position - and not the research position I was hired for. Staying seems not to be an option, but I'm not sure if I'm mentally ready to launch a new job search. I just want a job where I can do what I'm trained to do - why is that so hard?

[darkpurplesecrets]

I finally understand where I truly belong-----no where.

No matter how hard you try, how much you give, whether you do the right thing, it is never enough---it seems it is never right.

I feel drained and exhausted.

I know that what I feel is not important, there isn't time anymore, there isn't any answers.

I feel I want to run. Run as far away from everyone as I can. Just forget I even exist to a world that no matter what you do it is never enough or good enough.

I am not worthy. Not worthy of anything---even life itself.

They made that very clear. I can hear them as though they are standing right in front of me.

And their voices are screaming so loud I just feel----lost.

Just................unworthy and belonging no where.

That is how I feel. And............

no one

[Bark]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

I am not worthy. Not worthy of anything---even life itself.

They made that very clear. I can hear them as though they are standing right in front of me.

And their voices are screaming so loud I just feel----lost.

You are worthy. You are worthy.

I hope that you at least feel like you belong here... with people who care. I care.

You are worthy.

[Bark]

Why am I crashing? I'm trying to fight the feeling even as I lie here in bed, too tired, can't be bothered.... Trying to be kind to myself. I tried to do stuff to help myself. Exhausted. I want to try sitting up at least, maybe watch something. Not right now, though.

[aprillynn197]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

I finally understand where I truly belong-----no where.

No matter how hard you try, how much you give, whether you do the right thing, it is never enough---it seems it is never right.

I feel drained and exhausted.

I know that what I feel is not important, there isn't time anymore, there isn't any answers.

I feel I want to run. Run as far away from everyone as I can. Just forget I even exist to a world that no matter what you do it is never enough or good enough.

I am not worthy. Not worthy of anything---even life itself.

They made that very clear. I can hear them as though they are standing right in front of me.

And their voices are screaming so loud I just feel----lost.

Just................unworthy and belonging no where.

That is how I feel. And............

no one

Feeling the same 😞

[Fuzzybear]

Please come quickly

[Turtlesoup]

Struggling right now with some physical pain stuff-bleh I feel really fatigued but did drag out of bed today-& I've posted some things here-haven't been sleeping well which makes me feel super crabby-double bleh. So far I've held off the depression that I feel is lurking close by-my husband invited some friends over tomorrow & I just don't know what he was thinking-I can barely get out of bed & he invites people over-grrrrrrrr not helpful. I'm weighing my options & right now locking myself in the bedroom with a book seems like my best plan-oh yeah & Thursday is Thanksgiving yay I get to cook all day-wish I could take my book to a deserted island.

[aprillynn197]

Highly fatigued

[TheOriginalMe]

I'm annoyed. One of the bosses who has been indifferent to my depression is in hospital right now and fairly poorly. Everyone is sooooo sympathetic, of course it is a physical condition.

Obviously, I want him to get well and in no way does he deserve his illness, but I would love to see him right now and say "Ha, now you know how it feels. When will you be back to work? Oh the doctors don't know, you must be dragging your heels. You don't know when you'll be well, let's make you sign an agreement to say you won't take any more sick leave for the next 6 months and if you do we'll put you on a disciplinary hearing. You want reasonable adjustments for your condition, let's not make any decision on those, ask you some humiliating questions and then treat you like a failure." Rant over.

[favoritefountain2]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I'm annoyed. One of the bosses who has been indifferent to my depression is in hospital right now and fairly poorly. Everyone is sooooo sympathetic, of course it is a physical condition.

Obviously, I want him to get well and in no way does he deserve his illness, but I would love to see him right now and say "Ha, now you know how it feels. When will you be back to work? Oh the doctors don't know, you must be dragging your heels. You don't know when you'll be well, let's make you sign an agreement to say you won't take any more sick leave for the next 6 months and if you do we'll put you on a disciplinary hearing. You want reasonable adjustments for your condition, let's not make any decision on those, ask you some humiliating questions and then treat you like a failure." Rant over.

You. Are. My. Hero.

It was a pretty slow day at work today. It was to be expected. Nice to have Thursday and Friday off. But it feels like a holiday now. Ironically people at work seemed like they were in bad moods.

[Crazy Hitch]

[regretful]

Waking up each morning with nausea, probably because I worry about the day ahead. It's the worst possible mix...worry = anxiety and regret = depression.

[Bark]

Fighting the depression feels pointless. It's going to come whether I like it or not. I fought it off last night, then had my mind jumping a million places before I slept maybe an hour later. I slept enough for a normal person, but I guess that could have affected my mood. Today I've been fighting... losing hope... giving up.... Sitting in the rain without a rainjacket probably wasn't the best idea, but it's less destructive than other things.

[angelene]

I'm feeling very down. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's almost Thanksgiving!

I'm 18 now, and I'm not ready to do all these adult things. I don't feel anything close to an adult. I'm not smart or able enough to handle all this adult stuff. I'm scared to get a job or and I still haven't learned how to drive, am I pathetic for this? I'm just too scared. I know I'm clumsy and dumb and I just feel I would fail at the most basic things. My parents are too nice to say it, but I think they want me to get a job and get out of their hair, move out. I at least think my dad does. This is making me depressed. I'm too stupid to be an adult, I can't even do basic things! And no one will teach me!! And I'm not smart enough to teach myself!!!

I don't know what I am anymore, or what I can do, or what I want, I if I can even have what I want, whatever that is. I think I'm getting myself into a tangled mess again. I can't seem to figure out whether it is worth living anymore some days. I just started seeing someone a while ago, and tonight he kept saying, whats wrong, just say it, there;s something wrong... sometimes I don't even know what it is...and then I just got teary and he kept pushing at it, I said I wanted to go because I couldn't stop crying.

My dad has been sick too and I worry about what my future will be. I never had a great relationship with my parents, but I don't want to see them getting so old and frail. I'd like someone to care about me but right now I feel like no one does.

[Turtlesoup]

Very fatigued-pain situation is no better. Feel kinda down, hope I can sleep tonight. Visit with hubby's friends was ok-I managed to stay in the same room with them but I was sure happy when they left. hope tomorrow is better.